


Bayushki Bayu

by irtis



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Ballet, Big Brother, Brother-Sister Relationships, Cannon au, Child Abandonment, Child Abuse, Childhood Friends, Consensual Underage Sex, Drama & Romance, Dreams and Nightmares, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Roller Coaster, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Falling In Love, Female Protagonist, Female athlete triad, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Half-Siblings, I Solemnly Swear That I Am Up To No Good, I don't speak Russian/Belarusian, I'm going to hell in every religion, Ice Skating, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Long, M/M, Multi, My First Work in This Fandom, Nikiforov family - Freeform, Nikiforov siblings, Original Character(s), Other, Physical Abuse, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Sexual Tension, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Sorry Not Sorry, Team Russia, Teen Angst, Teen Romance, Teenagers, Time Skips, Underage Drinking, Underage Kissing, Underage Sex, Verbal Abuse, VictUuri, Viktor and Nina are both idjots XD, big brother! viktor, competitive skating can be hell, critics welcome, english is not my first language, figure skating, he is terrible and good at it at the same time, headcannon, little sister - Freeform, on the viktuuri bandwagon (of course), really slow burn, really slow burn... I mean REALLY, viktor is a very good cook, viktor sings russian lullabies, what am I doing with my life... this anime kills me I love it so much
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-02
Updated: 2017-03-24
Packaged: 2018-09-03 17:02:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 59,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8721703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/irtis/pseuds/irtis
Summary: http://8tracks.com/irtis/only-human“sehnsucht”(noun)A German untranslatable word, sehnsucht  is described an intense longing and yearning for something far away and vague, something which is difficult to describe. Similar to the Portuguese word saudade, it describes all facets of life that one finds unfinished or imperfect. This longing is a form of coping with life’s unattainable desires. The profound emotions are usually both positive and negative and are ambiguous.





	1. I.

“But I’m only human, and I bleed when I fall down. I’m only human, and I crash and I break down.” — [Christina Perri, Human](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r5yaoMjaAmE)

Her heart was pounding so wildly she was afraid it’s just going to tear itself out from her chest. Her panting breaths sounded too loud, too harsh and too sharp in the velvety dark night. Silence around her was so thick; she could cut it with a knife. As she looked around in the pitch black, trying to position herself, her mobile went off with an aggressive buzzing and ringing making the girl so startled, she nearly fell off from her bed with a little scream when she heard it.  
“Ny ty i suka!” she muttered as she swiped off the phone to the ground with a hasty movement. “Hauno!” Nina added and she fished the mobile up from between her slippers and finally turned it off, after she threw herself back between her pillows – she had six, which, compared to the size of her tiny bed were pretty much, they took up nearly half of the space – and growled. She woke up a minute ago she should and she hated that. Her little apartment was cold and dark, but it was four o’clock in the morning and dawn didn’t grace the city yet. The girl wanted to go back to sleep, just for twenty minutes, just for twenty minutes… The phone buzzed again – she just hit snooze earlier – and with a last sigh, Nina crawled to the side of the bed and sat up groggily. She brushed out her raven black hair from her face – her long bangs usually settled themselves into bigger, elegant waves, except for mornings, when she usually looked like… well a kind of badly groomed haystack. She slowly stood up and stretched herself arching her back, accompanying it with a yawn. It was a casual and nonchalant movement, but still had so much grace; it made her look like a young cat which just woke up from its afternoon nap. She cracked her toes, curled her feet a few times and finally headed towards the bedroom’s door. Her hand was on the door-knob when she felt it… The smell of… Toast? Waffels? And… eggs… bacon? Coffee? The girl froze to the floor. Her blood was flowing so loudly in her ears she couldn’t hear anything else, not even her grasps. Her nightmare from earlier came back in a moment… And somebody was in her apartment and made… breakfast? What on earth was going on? Nina gulped and slowly opened the door. Her heart was beating so loud now she was sure the one who was out there can hear it… She slowly stepped out from the bedroom and closed the door silently. Her feet were ice cold against the floor, but she managed to sneak to the kitchen…  
“VIKTOR?” She yelled when she saw the familiar white blondish hair. “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE? How did you get in? And why are you… cooking?”  
“Ninachka, milaya moya!” The man turned around and flashed he’s most endearing smile when he heard here voice. He spread his arms like if he was waiting for a hug. “S dobrym utr...!”  
“No, don’t even start with this ‘good morning’ bullshit!” Nina just gave her brother a cold look and took a half step back to be sure she is far enough from the other. “Explain. Now.” She hissed, and her voice was intimidating but her brother didn’t seem to care. Or, he didn’t notice at all. When it was about Viktor, both could be possible. Before Nina could speak again, a big poodle ran into her nearly knocking her down from her feet with happy barking. He jumped up and started to lick the girl’s face with enthusiastic tail wagging.  
“Makkachin!” Nina hugged the dog and buried her face into it’s soft fur, breathing in the warm, heavy dog scent. “Good boy, good boy, I missed you so much too!”  
“And what about me?”  
“Obviously not.” The girl’s tone immediately turned ice cold. “Why would I miss you? You never seem to miss me... So, I ask again. What the fuck are you doing in my apartment?”  
“I wanted to congratulate to your performances at the winter Olympics! You were exceptional! And a gold medal, at your age...”  
“First, it was team skating... And second, the Olympics were CLOSED on the 20th of February!”  
“And...?”  
“And? It’s the 20th of March today! A month! And for your information, I got my gold medal on the 13th... That makes it more than a month! You didn’t even pop into the Olympics village once to see me, you didn’t come to see my performance, but okay, you were busy that time or whatever... But since? Not a phone call, not an email, not a goddamn text!” Nina clenched her fists and ignored Makkachin, who were poking her arm, in hope for some more strokes. “You think showing up randomly here makes up for that?” The girl let out a shaky laughter. “You didn’t even watch my performance, right?”  
“Ninachka...”  
“RIGHT?”  
“Of course, I watched it!” Viktor’s voice was a little defensive and sullen.  
“Not live stream though. You just watched a video uploaded to YouTube.”  
“That was not a question.”  
“Of course not. I can’t imagine you made yourself to actually care about me... And I wasted too much time on you anyway. I take Makkachin with me for my run.”  
Nina went to the fridge, pulled out a smoothie what she premade last night, and drank the half of it with one long sip, ignoring the artistically arranged food, what was on the table. When she reached for the coffee, Viktor grabbed her wrist.  
“You are not even fifteen.”  
“Whatever.” Nina pulled out her hand from the grip of the long, graceful fingers – which were just like hers, oh god, she resembled to Viktor on so many levels, so many goddamn levels... “You have no right to tell me what to do anyway.” The girl gulped down the coffee as black as it was in the mug and headed back to her room.  
“What about your breakfast?”  
“If you think I’m going to eat that, you are a bigger fool than I ever imagined.”

After she dressed, she whistled Makkachin to her and while she was tying her shoelaces, looked up to Viktor who was still standing in the kitchen, now a little lost.  
“Till the time I get back, I don’t want to see you here. I bring Makkachin back to you later today.” She said on a hostile voice.  
“Ninachka, a moment.”  
“What now?” The girl let out an annoyed sigh.  
“Your clothes earlier, in what you were sleeping...”  
“Yes?”  
“Were those mines?”  
“You recognize your own stuff, right?”  
“Why are you...?”  
“Those clothes soaked up your scent so deep, I can’t wash it out... And there are nights when I feel so alone, that nothing else can help me.” Nina answered bluntly. “Close the door behind you when you go.”

“Again!” Zakhar yelled. “You couldn’t even win a Junior bronze medal with this performance!”  
The ice rink was dead empty at this time of the day – of course. Nina skated into the centre and stood in position. When the music started, she glided through the ice so gracefully and easy like if she would be some kind of wind-frost entity who can’t exist in any other places, just where cold and blizzards are ruling. After her second jump, she heard a loud bang as someone closed a door, and a few more second later, she saw Viktor from the corner of her eye. The silver blonde Russian walked casually to the railing and leant against it, watching Nina’s moves carefully.  
“Okay, stop, stop!” Zakhar clapped, and Nina slowed down, looking at him, waiting for further instructions. Her coach walked to Viktor and looked down to him. He was taller, but much leaner than the other skater and while they were looking at each other, Nina got the feeling she is watching a kind of silent showdown between Belobog and Chernobog. The two always acted bitter towards each other – well, Zakhar was bitter for sure – but both of them admitted the other’s competence and skills, putting aside personal preferences. Viktor stretched out himself, standing the piercing eyes of the other, pale and cold, like how on a clear day, the winter sun rains over everything, seemingly fragile, but still strong and unyielding; he was truly like the emperor of light... And Zakhar in front of him, was dark, heavy and so dangerously captivating, like the cursed, black god himself who reigned over every shadow, every night... Their eyes were battling, icy blue against dark honey...  
“Hvatit!” As the word left her mouth, Nina covered her mouth with her hand and felt her cheeks are burning.  
Zakhar shot a cold glance to her direction, but Viktor didn’t even move.  
“Vladislav, I want to talk with you about something.” He said on a low voice.  
“Yes, Nikiforov?”  
“What are you actually doing with my sister?” The tension was so high between them, Nina was surprised the air didn’t start to spit electrical sparks already. “When I met her earlier, she didn’t even look at the food what I made for her, just drank some kind of nasty green juice, and counted that as a meal...”  
Zakhar’s eyebrows disappeared under his tousled mops hair, but there was a smug smile in the corner of his mouth.  
“You say, she didn’t eat what you made for her” his glance now was kind of satisfied when he looked at Nina “and you came to me” he continued “to complain? I don’t think I’m the person in charge in regard of your quarrels... But if we are here... You went to her place around, let’s say, four o’clock and I guess you made a full English breakfast or something like that... Well, let me explain. First, Nina can’t eat something so heavy that early in the morning, because she feels nauseous, but you could know that, if you wouldn’t decide to ignore her. Second, she went for a run, you really expected her to eat that much before? And third... You are one of the top skaters and it didn’t crossed your mind that, god forbid, she might can have a meal plan and what you are doing is at least ignorant but more like, completely rude? Hm?”  
“I want to see that plan.”  
“No. And I’m afraid, I need to ask you to leave now. You are interrupting Nina’s training.”  
“I am her legal guardian!”  
“Yes, but you signed the contract in which you stated that in every question related her, the last word is mine. So... Get. Out. Now.”  
“Ninachka, do you want me to leave? Am I a nuisance to you?” Viktor turned to the girl, who was still standing on the ice, her fists clenched. She didn’t look at her brother and her whole head was red now, while tears were dancing in her eyes. She finally, slowly nodded yes.  
“I see. I go now then.” Viktor whistled Makkachin to himself and silently left the ice rink, while Nina was still gazing the clock on the wall, biting so strongly into her lower lip, it nearly started to bleed.  
“Get yourself together!” Zakhar growled. “This is not how a professional acts!” When Nina didn’t answer, the man snorted. “What? You want to go after him? Are you afraid we hurt his little feelings?”  
“Enough!” The girl’s voice was piercing. The look she gave her coach was so similar to her brother’s just moments ago, they couldn’t deny they are related, tossing beside their similar characteristics.  
“Oh, stop being so overdramatic, Nina! We both know and you the best how he is! He always does that! Pops into your life causing mess and leaving nothing but confusion and heartbreak! You yourself told me that so many times, I can’t even count!”  
“You... You are right.” Nina finally loosened her fingers and took a deep breath. “He is a good for nothing and it wouldn’t be in my favour if I would leave my training because of something so childish.”  
“That’s my golden girl.” Zakhar smirked. “Then, from the top!”  
“Wait, I forgot something!” Viktor jogged back, with a careless smile on his face. “I booked a table for us in PMI Bar tonight! Meet you at seven, don’t be late!” He threw a kiss towards his younger half-sister and left again. “Be good milaya moya!”  
“Boh na niebie… I can’t believe that idiot...” Nina muttered as she shook her head.  
Zakhar – who was also born Belarusian and moved to Russia just to pursue his skating career - , nodded in agreement.  
“Tak. Jon idyjot.”  
Nina narrowed her eyes, but didn’t comment further on what she thinks about that her coach talks like about her brother.

***

“Nishen'ka, dobriy vyecher! Dolgoye vremya ne videt' vas zdes'! Kak pazhivayesh?” Sergey gave her a flashing smile.  
“Spaseeba preekrasna.” Nina answered with a soft smile.  
“Ti preekrahsnah vigleedeesh!” Boris added. Under her coat, the girl was wearing a simple, black, A line dress with long sleeves, her hair was made into a braid updo, and matched her outfit with black, flat, tight high boots and a silver-black clutch. In her neck, on a simple silver necklace, a little white gold pendant was hanging, forming a martyoshka doll. It was a present from Viktor when she moved into the family, and she was almost always wearing it since.  
“Spaseeba...” She smiled again with a light blush and let both men to pull her into a big bear hugs and kiss her cheeks form both sides. The PMI bar back then, was kind of her and Viktor’s regular place, they usually came here together, but nowdays, only the older Nikiforov could be seen there alone – Nina gave up after he didn’t show up for the fifth times after he promised to come, and of these occasions was Nina’s fourteenth birthday. “Is... Is my brother here?”  
The brothers exchanged a look and the girl’s stomach sank. She should have known...  
“Doesn’t matter.” She shrugged like it was nothing. “I’m here already, so show me my table.”  
“Don’t you want to... wait a little?”  
“Why? You know too, there is high chance he is not going to show up... at all.”  
“But he sounded so enthusiastic this time...”  
“He is always enthusiastic.” In that moment, somebody tapped the girl’s shoulder and when she turned, she found herself between two arms.  
“Sorry for making you wait!” Viktor kissed his sister’s forehead, shook hands with the Kostuchenko brothers and happily accepted the ‘welcome vodka’ from the owners. “Come, come...” He put an arm around Nina’s shoulder and led her upstairs to the rooftop. After they sat down and the older Nikiforov started his martini, he leaned back in his seat and looked at the view.  
“Ah, Tserkovʹ Spasa na Krovi… Kakoy prekrasnyy vid… Odin iz lyubimykh.”  
“Indeed.” Nina agreed as she was playing with her gin. “One of my favourites too.” Viktor was always very attentive about his sister and alcohol together, but from time to time he let Nina have something small, or try something if she was curious – one result of this was that the girl hated even the smell of beer, because he let her try it when she was eight years old.  
“So what is this about?” She asked after she set the glass back to the table.  
“Can’t a brother invite his little sister to dinner?” Viktor asked on a light tone.  
“Brothers? Yes... But you... Never. It has to be something very important about YOU, because you wouldn’t show up in any other case.”  
“You really have a very low opinion about me, don’t you? Even though I’m your precious older brother...” Viktor finished his drink and nodded to a waiter who was standing not far from them.  
“Half-brother.” Nina stated. “And you can thank that all solely for yourself. Plus, not precious. More like an annoying, spoiled, little pric-”  
“Shhh!” Viktor pressed his index finger onto the girl’s lips. “Watch it! A lady shouldn’t speak like that.” The girl rolled her eyes, but before she could oppose, the waiter appeared and put several places down in front of them. “Ah, great!” Viktor looked very pleased as he looked over the food.  
“And this is for you.” The waiter put a cup of chamomile tea in front of Nina. There was a little paper on the saucer, saying ‘we still keep chamomile just for you’. The girl smiled at the message and put it into her clutch.  
“Why did you order half of the menu?” She criticised Viktor, who was already eating.  
“It’s just the appetizer...”  
“WHAT?”  
There were quite a lot on the table for appetizers: a cheese plate, antipasti - what the older Nikiforov was already eating, - octopus tentacles with potato fondant, duck paste in raspberry jelly, burrata with tomatoes, quail dumplings with parmesan and ravioli with king crab. Nina took a sip from her tea – it was sweetened with honey and had a few drops of lemon, just like how she loved it – and shook her head.  
“This is crazy... Just because you have the money, it’s not the...”  
“It’s not about the money.” Viktor cut in her sentence. “I asked the octopus especially for you...” He pushed the plate gently towards his sister. “Eat up.” When Nina just pressed her lips together with a stern look he sighed and added, “Please.”  
“I’m not hungry... Already had dinner before I came here.  
“Why?” Viktor pouted. He seemed hurt.  
Nina let out a dry, short laugh.  
“You really asked that? My god, you are really an ignorant prick... Let’s see, how I need put it for you to understand too...” the girl pretended she is thinking. “Shortly, it’s because every time when we should have met here, you set me up!” She stood up, drank her remained tea and turned away from the table. “I had enough from this for one night... I was an idiot for coming here. I’m going home.”  
“Wait!” Viktor jumped up from his seat too, and grabbed his sister’s arm. The girl shuddered and tore herself out from the man’s fingers.  
“Don’t just touch me!”  
Viktor immediately pulled back his arm and clenched his fingers.  
“Nina-”  
To that, the girl froze. Viktor never called her on her ‘normal’ name, just when it was about something serious.  
“...Yes?”  
“I’m really worried about you.”  
“Excuse me... you really what?”  
“Worried about you!”  
Nina nearly started to laugh.  
“Wow, that’s really something! Viktor Nikiforov trying to look farer, than his own reflection! No way... For a moment, I thought it’s going to be about something important... But you never fail to disappoint me.”  
“You think that’s funny?”  
“Actually, it’s hilarious... especially, because it’s not true.”  
“Nin...”  
“Save it.” The girl held up her hand. “We both know you don’t care about me. Maybe you were, but those times are long gone. Please, let’s just stop this pretending, I get too much of that shit on a daily basis anyway... I don’t know what happened now, why you want to play ‘big brother’ suddenly, but frankly, I don’t give a damn beyond that it’s really annoying. At least, when you didn’t give a fuck nor about me, nor about what you promised to me, you were honest. But, okay, for the arguments sake, let’s say, your intentions are genuine this time...” Nina could hardly hold back her tears now. “I’m sorry, but you can’t make those years just ‘not happened’ with two kind words and the invasion of my privacy at dawn. It not works like that. It’s just doesn’t. I can’t and I won’t afford myself to get crushed by you again!”  
“Then... What do you want me to do?” The girl didn’t see her brother so serious since... She couldn’t even tell when.  
“God damnit, if you don’t even presume what you are doing it wrong, just leave this hanging... My senior debut is more than enough for me; I don’t have the time or energy for this!”  
“Your senior debut?” Viktor tilted his head to the side a little with a questioning look. “But you are only fourteen...”  
“You are fucking not serious...” Nina was thunderstruck. “Right? Viktor... you are joking... Tell me you are joking....”  
“Why?” Viktor’s smile was so crushing the girl couldn’t help, she started laughing so hard even a few tears ran down her face.  
“I can’t... I can’t even...” She was gasping, and for a moment, it crossed the young man’s head if his sister is alright. “You are really a something, Vik...”  
“You didn’t call me ‘Vik’ since ages!” The older Nikiforov’s eyes widened with joy.  
“Don’t be so arrogant to think only you can give people nicknames, idiot...” Nina jolted back into her chair, pulled the octopus in front of her and stick a tentacle onto her fork. “At least you remembered what I like.” She added on a half sour-half joking tone.  
Viktor’s face was so painfully delighted that Nina almost felt ashamed while she was eating.  
After the appetizers, the salads arrived, one with tomatoes, red onion and basil, another with seafood and a third one with prawn and grilled pineapple. The girl swooped the last one before her brother could move and grinned at him.  
“That’s mine, Nikiforov.”  
After a few minutes of eating in silence, an another glass arrived for Viktor, this time with whiskey in it, and an orange-apple-carrot juice for Nina. The younger Nikiforov couldn’t even take a sip from her drink when Viktor already finished his alcohol and ordered the next round.  
“Sure that’s going to be okay?” Nina was following with her eyes how Viktor was sloshing his drink slowly around the glass.  
“Of course...” The young man took a cautious sip. “But now, let’s speak about something more important.”  
“Important?”  
“I don’t want to see you ever doing that jump combination again what you did at the Olympics! Ninachka... A quadruple Salchow with three triple Toe loops? Did you lose your mind? You are fourteen years old!”  
“Almost fifteen... And what this has to do with my age?” Nina shrugged like she doesn’t care, but she started to have a bad feeling about where the conversation was heading. “I can land it, so I’m doing it.”  
“It’s not the point! You are overstretching your body way too much! I don’t know what you are doing with Zakhar, but you are just a bag of rattling bones and skin! You clearly don’t have the energy to jump doubles and you are pressing a crazy combination like that... This is not healthy!”  
“You are not my coach,” The girl answered coldly “so you have no word in this matter.”  
“But I’m your brother! Ninachka, please, listen to me... I know exactly what you are going trough and I’m just trying to help.”  
“You don’t have the slightest idea of what I’m going trough!” Nina snapped. “How could you even imagine? Mommy’s and daddy’s golden boy, on the top of the skating world by sixteen, adored by everyone since you first stepped into the goddamn ice rink... And who am I? Nothing more than YOUR little sister, the SECOND Nikiforov... Doesn't matter that I'm as good as you, I'll always be the illegitimate child, who was never wanted by anyone... I lived in your shadow all my life, so don’t give me this ‘I know your feelings’ shit!”  
“NINA!” Viktor was left speechless. “Nina-” He repeated, not being able to say anything else.  
“What now? You want to comfort me, telling it’s not true?” The girl rolled her eyes and let out a short, dry laugh which almost sounded like a sob. “Oh, spear me your lies and excuses, especially because there was not a single occasion when you could sell me one!”  
“Don’t be so tad overdramatic…” Viktor mumbled.  
“Overdramatic?” Nina’s voice slipped into a higher register. “So you think this is all just me being overdramatic?”  
“One part, yes.”  
“And the other part?”  
“Well,” the young man gulped down his drink before he started to continue “you are a mistake, even if it’s only-”  
The sharp sound of the slap echoed in the air, lingering between the siblings. Nina blushed with anger for a moment, then turned pale again as she covered her mouth with her hand, just realizing what she did. Two pair of ice blue eyes met for a moment and looked away, not knowing what to say or do anymore. Nina lowered her hand and started to chew her lower lip, at the same time, Viktor seemed stern too.  
“Vik-” She started, but her brother cut into her sentence.  
“I think you showed enough how deeply you despise me. There is no need to continue, really, nor for me, nor for you. You should go home now.”  
Viktor’s words were calm and collected, but they had such a sharp edge, Nina surprised her skin isn’t bleeding. She nodded, collected her clutch and left without wasting even a breath to try and resolve the situation. The older Nikiforov followed his sister with his gaze as she disappeared and tried to ignore the ugly squeeze in his chest.

Nina couldn’t really recall how she got home, but suddenly she was there, stumbling across the corridor, dropping her keys several times before she could finally open the lock. She didn’t even take her coat off, just slammed the door, leant against it and slowly slipped onto the floor. Her breathing was ragged and after a few silent moments, she finally started to cry in uneven, muffled sobs to prevent the whole neighbourhood from hearing it.

They really fucked up this time.

Both of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Баюшки-баю – bayushki bayu - an expression to lull a baby to sleep [Russian]  
> ny ty i suka – son of a bitch [Belarusian]  
> hauno – shit [Belarusian]  
> milaya moya – my sweet [Russian]  
> s dobrym utrom – good morning [Russian]  
> Belobog and Chernobog: They were counterparts, Belobog was believed to be the white god, ruler of sun and all things good, ruling the ‘lighter part’ of the year – spring and summer - while Chernobog was the dark/black, cursed god, ruling autumn and winter.  
> hvatit – stop (when something is enough, or want to f.e. stop somebody who talks too much) [Russian]  
> PMI bar: http://pmibar.com/en  
> Boh na niebie– God in heaven [Belarusian]  
> tak – yes [Bealrusian]  
> jon idyjot – he is an idiot [Belarusian]  
> Sergey and Boris Kostuchenko are the owners of the PMI Bar.  
> Dobriy vyecher! Dolgoye vremya ne videt' vas zdes'! Kak pazhivayesh? - Good evening! Long time no see you here! How are you? [Russian]  
> Spaseeba preekrasna. - Fine, thanks. [Russian]  
> Ti preekrahsnah vigleedeesh! - You look lovely! [Russian]  
> Spaseeba... - Thanks... [Russian]  
> Tserkovʹ Spasa na Krovi - Church of the Savior on Blood https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Church_of_the_Savior_on_Blood  
> Kakoy prekrasnyy vid – what a sight [Russian]  
> odin iz lyubimykh – one of my favourites [Russian]


	2. II.

"That's the thing about pain. It demands to be felt." — John Green, The fault in our stars

The phone just didn’t want to stop... Nina was playing with the thought to throw it against the wall, but in the last moment – when the device was already in her hand – she changed her mind. There were six missed calls and two texts from her brother... She ignored them deliberately, but when the new incoming call flashed through the screen - saying ‘Vik’ and showing a picture where Viktor and she were posing with their gold medals after a Grand Prix final (Senior and Junior champions, she was thirteen and recently moved into Viktor’s studio apartment because she couldn’t bear the tension at ‘home’ and her brother was away for a longer time) – blinding her for a few moments, she decided to give up and lifted the phone to her hear.  
“Viktor...” She yawned. “It’s the middle of the fuckin night-”  
“Nishen'ka, sorry for waking you up...”  
“Sergey?” Nina instantly became wide awake as she recognized the voice. “What happened?”  
“Your brother is still here and...” The end of the sentence fell into an awkward mumbling.  
“Let me guess...” Nina threw her blanket onto the side and sat up. “He is completely drunk and you need me to get him home before he humiliates himself or the place even more...”  
“Well, it’s not that he is humiliating, but-”  
“Don’t worry, it’s not going to be my first time to drag him home when he is wasted and sure it’s not the last either. I’ll be there soon.” The girl hang up and with a resigned sigh, she started to dial her favourite taxi company who were always there in a few minutes, took her everywhere and never asked questions – of course, for a good amount of money in exchange for the ‘luxury’, but wealth was one of the few things with what Nina never had problems.

“Oh, for Christ’s sake... Viktor... You supposed to be a gown man...” Regardless of the situation – namely that her brother somehow paid off the musicians who where there for that night, to play Cossack music for him and he was loaded – Nina had to stop for a while to admire her brother’s dance skills... Even now, there was some elemental grace in his movements which seemed to be imprinted so deeply into him, that not even that prestigious amount alcohol what he drank could deracinated it.  
“Vik...” Nina waved to the musicians to stop and grabbed the older Nikiforov’s arm. “Vik, enough.”  
“Ninac...hka?” The young man tried to focus on her sister.  
“Yes it’s me.”  
“My only, very talented baby sister...” Viktor pulled Nina into a suffocating, tight hug. “Zvezda moya...” He mumbled.  
“Yes, yes, of course.” Nina pushed him away gently and put his jacket – what she collected earlier from a chair – around her brother’s shoulders. “Just come with me already...”  
“Where are we going?” Viktor sheepishly let the girl led him towards the door.  
“Home, my sweet brother... home.”  
“But I want to dance some more!” The silver haired skater whined.  
“The night is over here, Vik.” Nina lied easily.  
“Re-really?”  
“Sure... So come home with me.”  
“Are we going together?”  
“Yes, we are.” The girl agreed. “I just said that.”  
“Really?”  
“Promise.”  
“Good.” Viktor nodded.  
Nina was finally able to drag him to the elevator, than squeeze him into the taxi, after out of the car, led him into his building with an another elevator and finally get him into his apartment, without the young man causing any ruckus – he only wanted to sing and dance with her twice.  
“Here we are...” Nina leaned Viktor against the wall until she calmed Makkachin down – the dog was thrilled to see both of them at the same time - she closed the door, than helped him into his bedroom, stripped him down to his underwear and tucked him in.  
“You should be the one doing this...” She sighed. “I am the teenager, or what. Stay here until I come back.”  
“Where are you going?” Viktor pouted.  
“Just to the kitchen.”  
When she returned, she had a white pill and a big glass of water in her hand.  
“Take these.” She showed the pill into his brother’s mouth. “Drink.” She ordered, and gave him the water. “Good. And now, sleep.”  
“But I don’t wanna...”  
“I said, SLEEP.”  
“Are you staying?”  
‘You are a mistake.’ Viktor’s words came back to hit Nina before she could answer, so she just shook her head.  
“No.”  
“But I want you to stay...” With that, Viktor grabbed his sister’s arm and pulled her into the bed next to him.  
“Nikiforov, did you lost your mind? I’m not staying, and definitely not sleeping with you!” Nina wriggled and fluttered, trying to get out from the squeeze of the arms tightly wrapped around her body. “Let me go! Hey! I said, let me go!”  
“No.”  
“VIKTOR!”  
But it was useless and Nina knew it. Her brother was much bigger and stronger than her, so he easily pinned her to him and to the bed at the same time.  
“Zvezda... moya...” Viktor breathed on a slushy voice – the painkiller Nina gave him finally kicked in – and buried his face into her sister’s neck. His breathing became calm and steady in no time, but he didn’t loosen his arms.  
“Great... Just... perfect.” Nina grunted. She felt an unexpected weight at her feet and she saw a bunch of brown fur placing itself onto the blankets. Makkachin yawned, scratched his ear and was asleep in a moment like his owner, so now Nina was staring into the darkness of the room accompanied with nothing, but two set of calm breathing. Viktor’s body was warm against hers – she didn’t bother to change before she went back to the bar, so she was in her pj’s: a pair of old, baggy joggers and a long sleeve, they both belonged to her brother formerly – and even though she didn’t want, she felt so calm, so safe... She had to remind herself what he said earlier, and her body became stiff instantly. She tried to get out from the young man’s hug for one last time, but Viktor moved a little and muttered something under his breath, squeezing Nina even more, so the girl just shrugged mentally and closed her eyes too.

When she finally woke up, she was alone between the sheets. The room was still dark and now gloomy because of the heavy shower outside. The wind was tossing the rain to the windows and big drops were chasing down each other on the glasses.  
“What the-” Nina sat up and rubbed her eyes. As she looked around, everything came back to her from last night... “Shit...” She muttered. The bedroom’s door was closed, so she assumed her brother went out for something and didn’t want to wake her up while he was making noise... and to confirm that, the door slowly opened and Viktor tumbled into her field of vision with an enormous glass of water. His hair was a mess, – an another treat they shared, being shock-headed when they wake up, especially after a longer night – and with his face being pale and worn, he looked like the example of what is being shown under the word ‘hangover’ in dictionaries.  
“Good Lord...” Nina chuckled and had to recognize her voice is still a little bit hoarse from yesterdays’ crying.  
“What?” Viktor growled.  
“Well... You look... Know what? I won’t lie, you look like shit.”  
“I feel like I was trampled down by an elephant.”  
“You deserve it. Drinking that much...”  
“Couldn’t you give me more sympathy? I’m dying here!” Viktor put down the glass and threw himself onto the bed, next to her sister.  
“Good.” Nina commented.  
“You are so mean...” The older Nikiforov complained.  
The girl shrugged.  
“See all the fucks I give? Me neither.”  
“We need to do something about your language...”  
“No, we don’t. Especially, because there is no ‘we’... Just me, and you trying to butt in my life whenever you feel convenient to do it... But let me enlighten this for you again: it does not work like this! You either get the full package, or none of it. I’m not a doll to just play with it, I am a person!” Nina didn’t know why she is so angry, her brother just pushed all her buttons and not in a good way.  
“You are so sad...” Viktor, ignoring what his sister said, gently touched her cheek with the back of his hand and looked at her, eyes filled with worry and fondness. “Why are you so sad all the time, milaya moya?” He whispered.  
“I’m not sad.” Nina opposed, trying to ignore those genuine eyes.  
“You are...”  
“Well, maybe because I’m hurt...” The girl’s voice started to tremble a little.  
“Who hurt you, milaya moya?”  
“YOU!” Nina shouted and pushed her brother’s hand away. Fresh tears were running down on the girl’s cheeks, even though she thought she was finished with crying... “Jesus, just get it already! Even you can't possibly think that you smash someone’s heart to pieces and then waltz on it again and again as you wish, without any consequences!” Nina let out a painful chuckle. “But why I’m even trying? You don’t even know what it means to be hurt... You never lost anything in your life, not a damn thing!” With that, the girl jumped up from the bed, ran out from the bedroom and Viktor heard she slammed the bathroom door behind herself.

Nina covered her face with her palms, but suddenly she felt something warm on her hand. She peeked out between her fingers and she saw Makkachin – who followed her into the bathroom as it seemed. The dog was trying to lick her tears, but Nina wrapped her arms around the poodle and buried her face into it’s fur.

“Ninachka...” Viktor knocked on the bathroom’s door. “Can I come in?” There was no answer. “Ninachka, please...” Dead silence. Viktor sighed and ran his fingers through his tousled hair. He had a terrible hangover and didn’t really have the energy for all of this... “I’m going in...” He slowly opened the door and found his sister sleeping on the piles, hugging Makkachin to herself.  
“Nina!” Viktor hurried to the girl, knelt next to her and carefully touched her hand. “Stupid...” The young man muttered. Makkachin opened his eyes and silently squeaked, like if he was saying ‘See? I took good care of her.’ “Yes, yes... Smart boy, you kept her warm.” The older Nikiforov pet his dog and took his sister in her arms. “Good Lord!” He repeated Nina’s words from earlier, doesn’t even realizing what he is doing. The girl was like a feather, having almost no weight... He could hold like her like this for hours and wouldn’t even feel his arms... She was like a baby bird, so fragile and tiny... Nina didn’t even move when his brother lifted her, so he just carried her back to his bedroom and put her into the bed. The clock showed half past three – Nina got him back from the bar around midnight and Viktor originally just woke up to get an another glass of water and a second painkiller – and despite of feeling terrible and the pill what made him drowsy, the young man couldn’t make himself to sleep again, so he just snuggled his sister and lie with eyes wide awake, watching the dark ceiling. He didn’t know when he finally fell asleep, but he felt only a moment has passed when his eyes popped wide open. First, he had no idea what happened, than he heard Nina. The girl was tossing herself in the bed while she was muttering something what the older Nikiforov couldn’t understand because he didn’t speak Belarusian, but it was clear his sister is having a nightmare.  
“Shhh, milaya moya...” Viktor tightened his hug and pulled the girl to himself. “It’s alright, I’m here... I don’t let anybody to hurt you... Not even your dreams, so hush now...” He gently stroked his sister’s hair and started to sing on a silent, low voice. “[Dyenets, moi prekrasný, bayushki bayu](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WtcDrRS2Y7s), tikho smotrit myesyats yasný f kolýbyel tvayu. Stanu skazývat' ya skazki,  
pyesenki spayu, tý-zh dremli, zakrývshi glazki, bayushki bayu.” It was his favourite lullaby and the first he learnt, so when Nina was little and she couldn’t sleep, he tried to calm her down with this song. A long time passed since he last ‘used it’, but it came to him so easily like it was just yesterday... “Sim uznayesh, budit vremya, branoye zhityo, smyelo vdyenish nogu f stremya i vazmyosh ruzhyo. Ya sedeltse boyevoye sholkom razoshyu. Spi, ditya mayo radnoye, bayushki bayu.” His voice turned into a soft hum, but it already seemed enough to calm down Nina, who was breathing steady and slowly now. Her face was pale and so painfully beautiful, like a marble statue. The slowly fading night lights were dancing between her silky, black locks, emphasizing it’s bluish-greenish undertones, giving the impression of soft feathers. “You really look like that princess Snow White, milaya moya...” Viktor chuckled and kissed Nina’s forehead. His eyelids felt so heavy now and he could hardly hold his head, so he just rested his face on the shoulder of her sister, breathing in the vague violet scent what always came from her hair thanks to her shampoo, and he gave in to sleep in no time.

The rain was still pouring and didn’t seem to want to stop anytime soon. Nina tried to search for her phone on the bedside table and she had to realize there is no mobile anywhere... She left it in the pocket of her coat... maybe... or on the kitchen table? When she brought back Viktor, she might put it there... Her fingers found an another device – her brother’s – and she finally could check the time.

It was quarter to eleven.

“Why didn’t you wake me up?”  
Viktor finished slicing the tomato, wiped his hand into a kitchen towel and turned around slowly just after this.  
“Because, you needed to sleep... You are seriously exhausted and malnourished.”  
“But-”  
“There is no ‘but’, Nina Nikiforov, that’s-”  
“My surname is Aristarkh.” The girl cut into the other’s sentence with a dark expression.  
“You are my sister and you share my last name, period.”  
The younger skater furrowed her brows as she was examining the other. Victor seemed calm and confident, but Nina knew her brother well enough to sense the coming storm behind the lull.  
“And what made you so snarky today, brother?” She asked on a dry tone. “Still nursing your hangover?”  
“It would be better,” Viktor retorted “if you wouldn’t be so much trouble! You felt asleep on the bathroom floor! What if Makkachin wouldn’t be with you? He was the only reason you didn’t froze! And after, I had to wake up in the middle of the night to your nightmare!”  
Nina blushed a little.  
“Nobody asked from you to do anything... You could let me lying on the floor. It sounds like you could save yourself from some trouble.”  
Viktor smacked on the counter, making her sister taking a step back. She could count on one hand how many times she saw her brother being that angry.  
“It’s not about that!” He shouted, his ice coloured eyes throwing sparks.  
“Then, it’s about what?”  
“You and your...” Viktor wanted to say something, but he finally changed his mind. “Stupid ideas.”  
“Stupid... ideas?”  
“About last night-”  
“I’m not going to talk about that.” Nina stated. “It was enough once.”  
“Nina, if you just-”  
“NO. And I wasted too much time already on you and this whole situation anyway.”  
“You think, that’s a solution? Not caring about it?”  
“Why not?” The girl shrugged. “I learnt it from the best, that not caring can be a very comfortable way of living.” She headed towards the bedroom to get herself together, when her brother’s voice stopped her.  
“Kali łaska. Ja sumuju pa tab′e.”  
Nina turned back so hastily like if she was stung.  
“WHAT? You... speak Belarusian?”  
“No.” Viktor shook his head. “You said that last night too... I can’t remember more, but you were repeating these two sentences, for sure. What are their meanings?”  
“Please. I miss you.” The younger Nikiforov translated unwillingly. “Happy now?”  
“What you were dreaming about?”  
“I don’t remember.” Nina lied easily. She knew exactly. “I have so many nightmares, I gave up keeping track... And anyway, I don’t really want to remember them, but I think that’s understandable. Wait...” Nina’s eyes widened. “I remember a... song... Were you... singing to me? That old lullaby...”  
“Of course.”  
“But it was the middle of the night...”  
“Yes.”  
“And you were tired...”  
“Yes.”  
“With having a serious hangover...”  
“Yes.”  
Nina turned her head down and hid her face behind her hair. It was a childish move, but she couldn’t face her brother now. She pressed her lips together, but after just took a deep breath and rushed into the bedroom. After a few moments, she found her old sport bag at the bottom of the closet, dragged it out and poured its contents to the bed. She fished out her toothbrush and a comb for the first turn, leaving everything else on the sheets.  
“You have that kind of stuff here?” The older Nikiforov seemed surprised as he tucked his head into the room.  
“Viktor, I technically lived here... And I assumed there’s going to be a situation like this, so...” Nina let the end of the sentence hanging.  
After she was finished in the bathroom and dressed, Nina threw her bag onto her shoulder and was nearly at the door when Viktor stepped into her way, with an artistically wrapped sandwich, a banana and a thermos flask in his hand.  
“You can eat it on the way, or after practice, but please, eat something...” He was almost begging. “The sandwich is with avocados and eggs, and I found some chamomile tea left, so-”  
“Why can’t you just give up?” Nina tried to dance out of the way of her brother, but he was a tough opponent, knowing how to play this game perfectly.  
“Viktor, let me go! I’m in a really serious trouble already!”  
“Why? Missing one practice?”  
“And a morning run and the stretching, and-”  
“Nina...” Viktor put down the food, grabbed her sister’s shoulders and bent down to get their faces on the same level. He looked into the red-rimmed blue eyes firmly.  
“I see you don’t want to listen to me as my sister, so now I talk to you as one skater to the other. I don’t have to introduce myself to you in that matter, so believe me when I’m saying: I know exactly how much blood, sweat and tears are required to be there where you are now, better than anyone in this word, so, listen to me... If you take one day off, a weekend off, a week off, nothing is going to happen. Nothing! I watched you growing up to be the wonder that you are now, and you are still so young... But if you continue to live like this, tormenting yourself, you are going to lose much more than a few gold medals in the future...”  
“Thank you for your advice.” Nina removed her brother’s arms from her shoulder. “I appreciate that you actually took some time talk to me like as fellow sportsman, for the first time in your life, even though I’m in competitive skating since I was a child, so it only took more than a solid ten years for you, really... But my answer is still the same... You are not my coach, so stay out of this!”  
“I talked with your ballet mistress earlier.”  
“You did what?” Nina was taken aback.  
“I took your phone earlier from the bedroom to let you sleep and she called... We talked a little, and she sounded pretty worried about you first, but when I told her you might take this day off because you are with me, she was content... As it seems, not just me, but a former prima thinks you need some rest too... What do you think?”  
“You just admitted that you technically stole my stuff and invaded my private life... I guess, don’t need to say anything.”  
Her sister’s voice so spiteful, Viktor was surprised she is not spiting venom already, like a poisonous snake. The tension was so high in the air, his breath stilled in his lungs.  
“Like how you are TECHINCALLY the dark spot on family’s happy life? Or how you TECHINCALLY ruined my parents’ relationship? ” Victor asked on a cold but steady voice.  
Nina’s face was a neatly arranged mask, but to her brother’s questions, her eyes started to glow with sadness and by the time he was finished, her look radiated raw pain .  
“Yes.” She muttered on a hoarse voice. “Just like that. Now, can you let me go?”  
“Go if you wish...” Victor stepped out from the way and folded his arms in front of himself. He was clearly hurt, but he himself couldn’t say what his problem is. Mostly, everything.  
Nina already opened the door half, when she stopped. She couldn’t leave like this, even though what she heard hurt like nothing else before... But somewhere deep, she knew her brother never really loved her and blamed her, like the same how everybody else... Why would he be any different?  
“Viktor...” She said slowly. “I’m sorry.”  
“For what?” His brother snorted.  
“Everything.”  
“Why are you saying that now?”  
“Because we are never going to speak again like this, like brother and sister, so I wanted you to know that at last.”  
“Why wouldn’t we talk anymore?” Viktor released his arms.  
“You just told me how you feel... I was almost sure about it, but hearing now made it completely clear.”  
“So that is what you are thinking?”  
“Yes.”  
“Then, go.” Viktor rubbed his temple, seemingly not caring. But when Nina wanted to step out to the corridor, her brother grabbed the door and slammed it in front of her nose.  
“And you are priding yourself with being the family’s brain...” He scoffed.  
“I’m definitely smarter than you.” Nina replied without reacting to her brother’s harsh tone. “Just tell me what do you want and finish this...”  
“You can’t possibly believe-”  
“That I disrupted your family’s peace and deep down you never really liked me either? Viktor, it’s fine, I understand.”The girl didn’t know how she could manage to even say anything, it was like if somebody would choke her and knit her stomach into a really tight knot at the same time. “You kept your distance because you grew tired acting kind towards me, and it was really considerate from you, to try and spare me, but it’s better this way, really. You should have said it earlier.”  
“You would really leave me...” the older Nikiforov’s eyes were searching the younger’s like if he was trying to see into her soul “that easily?”  
“Sure. I would never try to be a nuisance to you... or to anyone else.”  
“Why?”  
“That’s not a nice thing to do, you know.”  
“Liar.”  
Nina spread her arms. “I don’t really follow you... What do you want me to say?”  
“Those could be my words too.”  
“Then, what now?”  
The situation reached rock bottom and neither of them knew how to move forward. Nina gave up first, setting the strap of her bag on her shoulder and shrugging a little.  
“I have practice. I really need to go.”  
“Nina-”  
“Bye Viktor.”  
This time, her brother didn’t stop her when she left.

Every cell in her body was screaming, but Nina ignored the pain and finished the jump combination. Her sweat stung her eyes and her breaths were ragged and shallow. She was now glad she didn’t eat anything today because she would surly throw it up already. The music was finally finished and she gracefully slid to the parallel bars, - not showing her internal crying - assuming her practice is over now, as usual.  
“No, no...” Zakhar ordered her back to the ice. “We are not good yet. You need your punishment for skipping this morning, so let’s see your dance now.”  
“Vladislav, are you finished?”  
“Yakov.” The younger man nodded to the older coach, ignoring his skaters around them and after a few moments of hesitation, Nina followed his lead. She greeted Yakov and tried to not look at her brother, who was standing at his coach’s side.  
“We need the ice a little more, so we have to share, because somebody thought this morning it is okay to slack off... I think it’s the bad influence of an older sibling.”  
Viktor pressed together his lips, but turned away from the man and addressed Nina with his question.  
“Did you have any breaks today?”  
“ Twice.” The younger Nikiforov answered, after she got the agreeing nod from her coach.  
“How long?”  
“Five, each.”  
“Did you eat anything?”  
“No.” The short answer came. “I couldn’t.”  
“He didn’t let you?”  
“Our little pep talk in the morning didn’t let.”  
“Enough chatting! This is not a tea party! Nikiforov, get away from my skater, Aristarkh, back to the centre! Konstantinov, you too! – Zakhar changed to Belarusian. – Don’t think just because you are on the side, I didn’t see you!”  
Nina skated back to her starting point and shortly, her partner - who was watching her for the last fifteen minutes, instead of practising on his own - joined her. He was a tall, lean but muscular young man, in his late teens - early twenties. He had longer, brown-black hair and warm, deep brown, almost black eyes. He was quite handsome, and he instantly got Mila’s attention.  
“Who is he?” She whispered.  
“Who the fuck cares!” Yuri grunted. “They are on our ice, using our time!”  
“You suddenly became quite keen about practising...” The girl giggled and elbowed her rink mate. “It’s because of Nina?”  
“Shut up!” The blonde Russian muttered. “I have nothing to do with her!”  
“Watch this.” Zakhar threw the words over his shoulder. “And try to call yourself a professional after.”  
Viktor, who was still watching Nina and the other skater, stepped to the parallel bars and gripped it. His was concerned, excited and curious at the same time. Zakhar walked next to him, and with a grin on his face, he started the music.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> zvezda moya - my star [Russian]
> 
> Spi mladyenets, moi prekrasný, bayushki bayu, tikho smotrit myesyats yasný f kolýbyel tvayu. Stanu skazývat' ya skazki, pyesenki spayu, tý-zh dremli, zakrývshi glazki, bayushki bayu. Sim uznayesh, budit vremya, branoye zhityo, smyelo vdyenish nogu f stremya i vazmyosh ruzhyo. Ya sedeltse boyevoye sholkom razoshyu. Spi, ditya mayo radnoye, bayushki bayu.  
> Sleep, my beautiful good boy, bayushki bayu, quietly the moon is looking into your cradle. I will tell you fairy tales and sing you little songs, but you must slumber, with your little eyes closed, bayushki bayu. The time will come when you will learn the soldier's way of life, boldly you'll place your foot into the stirrup and take the gun, the saddle-cloth for your battle horse I will sew for you from silk. Sleep now, my dear little child, bayushki bayu. [Russian]


	3. III.

"By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest." — Confucius

Viktor heard about ice circuses where extreme, adagio and ballet skating were things and figure skaters, they themselves incorporated other element into their choreographies too but he never thought he is going to see such an aggregation of it...  
The step sequences, the lifts, the jumps, the arm movements... It was clear, if Nina wouldn’t have such hard training as ballerina and she wouldn’t love to do other types dances in her free time, this wouldn’t work... And her pair, he was clearly a dancer too, even though he had the movements of a professional figure skater.  
And the dance, itself... It was rough, painful and passionate... Their touches, their strokes, it was passionate, hurtful, captivating and so intimate, one could feel embarrassed and sick at the same time watching it... Their music was a perfect match, complementing that brilliant madness what happened on the ice... The lines of the lyrics became more and more hurtful as the older Nikiforov watched her sister dancing on the ice... Viktor knew the music, he heard it often earlier, it was [‘Human’ by Christina Perri](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r5yaoMjaAmE).  
“Thank you.” Zakhar whispered to him. “She never came to practice being so broken and hurtful. The pain, the energy, all what you see there... She never had this much and never had it so real... You made her just perfect.”  
There was a pause in the middle of the track, Nina was lifted in the arms of her pair and their faces were just millimetres away, their lips nearly touching, catching each other’s breath... Viktor’s fingers clenched. As the music crawled again, the young man slowly released Nina back to the ice, and even though nothing happened, it was somehow a hundred times more private than an actual kiss...  
“Not that pathetic for the first try today.” Zakhar commented after the music died away and Nina and her pair were standing with their backs touching, their fingers interlocked. “Let’s see it a few more times.”  
“You lost your mind.” Yakov muttered, voicing everybody’s opinions around him, who were watching the happenings in a complete shock, even Viktor couldn’t say anything. “What kind of monster do you try to raise from that girl? She is just fourteen, this is not even near healthy, what you are make her do... And there is no jury on earth who would accept this between the competition rules.”  
“I made her the world’s number one female skater.” The cold answer came. “And for the record, she never turned me down, not any of my ideas, even though I gave her the chance. Originally, I planned this to be a solo choreography, she insisted to invite Aleksandar and turn this into a pair act... But I need to admit, it’s better this way.” Zakhar flashed an another grin to Viktor. “She has a vein for dramatic flairs, your sister.”  
“Yakov is right.”  
“You are just jealous, because she loves me better than you.”  
“Nina doesn’t even like you.” The silver haired skater stated.  
“But she doesn’t like you either.” The comeback made the skater’s face twitched, but he didn’t answer. “Go on,” Zakhar continued “tell her your opinion. That what she is doing, for what she worked so hard is not normal or good. I bet that is exactly what she needs to hear.”  
“I won’t tell her anything.”  
“You gave up on her so soon?”  
“As the things are, she gave up on me.” Viktor turned away from the ice.  
“Maybe because you told her she destroyed your family and she is a mistake.”  
“She told you that?”  
“She was talking with Aleksandar earlier and I happened to overhear it. Good job Nikiforov, really. Strange to admit, but I somehow like you better now. I always had a feeling that you are more than a lovely-dovely-ray-of-sunshine airhead and I was right.”

“Are you all right?” Aleksandar asked as he lifted Nina up. “You are shivering.”  
“I’m fine. Just a little bit tired.”  
“Nina, I don’t really get why are you doing this, but I’m your partner, so if you lie to me and something happens...” The young man let the girl slid back to the ice, but he doesn’t let her move, instead, he grabbed her hands and made her took in his eyes. “Tell me, I have to know.”  
“I’M FINE.”  
“God, how spiky is someone today... Did you inherit this from your brother?”  
“You see him on TV, he is a fuckin ray of sunshine...”  
“But in reality?”  
Nina shrugged.  
“Why did you stop?” Zakhar’s angry voice made the girl wince.  
“I got this.” Aleksandar gently squeezed his partner’s hand and skated to their coach. After a short and sharp conversation in Belarusian, the Bulgarian man waved to Nina, who skated to them.  
“Aleksandar told me that he wants to do some ground practice with you, because he is not satisfied with one of your lifts.”  
“If he feels so.” The girl said on an emotionless voice.  
“What do you think?”  
“This is his area, also, he lifts me, I’m not lifting him.”  
Zakhar was thinking for a moment and then let them go with a little wave.  
“Off with you two. Aleksandar, I live Nina’s practice to you for the rest of the day. The Russians” he nodded towards Yakov and his skaters “are whining for the ice already, so they can have it, and everybody is happy.”  
“Thanks.” Aleksandar nodded. He took Nina’s hand and skated with her to the other entrance of the rink where they left their stuff before the practice. As Nina was changing her skates to her warm up boots, he looked at the ice where the others were warming up. When Mila saw her, she smiled and waved to them, what make the girl blush and after a moment of hesitation, she nodded back. At the same time, Aleksandar had no problems flashing a bright smile to the Russian girl and waved her back.  
“Stop it!” Nina chuckled and elbowed the young man.  
“Why? She is sweet and a good skater.”  
“And you are taken already.”  
“That doesn’t mean I’m blind. I can see exactly if someone is attractive between the frames of what our society call as attractive.”  
“Still, shame on you...” Nina shook her head with a half smile and it was clear that she is not meaning her words.  
“You are too strict.” Aleksandar pouted. “Or just jealous? Perhaps you would like someone from the ice too? Maybe that blonde... He is the one you talked about, right? Yurij or something like that, right?”  
“Yuri Plisestky... and enough from this!”  
“Oh, did I hit a nerve or something?”  
“You know exactly what you did.” Nina hissed.  
“I’m sorry.” Aleksandar held up his hands, showing his surrenders. “I shouldn’t have said that.”  
“Yeah,” the girl tossed her skates into her bag, while her eyes wandered onto Yuri “you shouldn’t.” When their looks accidentally met, Nina’s eyes flickered and she turned away. “Pizdabol’ ruskija.” She muttered under her breath.  
“You are very lucky they don’t speak Belarusian...”  
“I can tell them to face to face, if there is a need.”  
“I’m sure of that.” Aleksandar giggled and put an arm around Nina’s small shoulders. “Now, come. We have some work to do.”

“So, what do you want to do first?” Nina stood up from the floor after she put on her shoes. When she was not practising in pointe shoes, she usually wore a very old, broken pair which’s shanks she removed, instead of ballet slippers, and for warming up in the centre, she wore soft pointe shoes.  
“We don’t need those now.” Aleksandar nodded towards the shoes.  
“Then, ballet slippers?”  
“Hm... Did you bring your half soles by any chance?”  
“Sure.” Nina was searching in her bag for a few moments and pulled out a pair of turners. “Good?”  
“Perfect.”  
“Just a moment...” The girl changed the broken pointe shoes to the half soles and put on something what seemed to be a rubber band to Aleksandar. It ran around Nina’s midfoot, heel and arch.  
“What are those?”  
“It’s called Arch.” The Russian skater gave the other one to the young man for a look. “They are for reducing the over-stretching of my plantar fascia and achilles... Also, they support good posture and can help improve pointe work.”  
“Two things...” Aleksandar handed back the Arch to Nina. “First, what is a plantar fascia and why do you know that word? And second... How could that improve your posture? It’s pretty perfect already...”  
“The plantar fascia is the ligament that connects the heel bone to the toes... And I need to improve my pointe work. Mind if I stretch while we talking?”  
“Be my guest... By the way, you shouldn’t even wear pointe shoes since a very long time. When did you start, again?”  
“Ballet, when I was four, the same as skating. Six, when I started to wear pointe shoes for shorter times and got fully en pointe when I was seven. My first dance was the cupid solo in pointe shoes.” Nina smiled a little to the memory. “I loved it very much... I had that pale pink outfit and a small flower crown on my head, made from pink, half bloomed rosebuds. It was the dead of winter, so my stupid brother ran across the whole city to find the most perfect flowers and he nearly missed my competition... He was around nineteen... Imagine that, a grown up and still... God, how he looked when he arrived! Sweating, red faced, gasping like an idiot... But he had that damn flower thing, because he insisted I need it.”  
“Did you win?”  
“That was rhetorical question, right?” Nina asked, arching an eyebrow at the other skater. “Of course I won; I was already pretty awesome back than...” She stopped and wondered for a moment. “But...” She continued huskily. “I didn’t care. My brother was there and that was better than any prizes... I still have that crown... It’s strange isn’t it? I can’t really recall the competition itself, but I clearly remember how ridiculous was my brother with that stupid garland... And how happy he was after I won. I think the photo of us is still lying somewhere on the bottom of a box...” A single tear ran down on her face but she wiped it off angrily. “Good Lord, I’m getting all emotional about a childhood memory... What am I a ninety year old, crazy cat lady?”  
“No.” Aleksandar said silently. “You are someone knows how being loved feels and missing it.”  
“Well,” Nina shook her legs, like if she would try to shake off the lingering sensation she just talked about “that won’t get us anywhere, so we better start practising.”  
“About that...” Aleksandar was playing with the remote of the stereo while he was watching the girl stretching. She was extremely flexible as it was expected from a ballerina, even though she was still young. “I would like you to do something different this time.”  
“Different?”  
“Yeah. You are like a sad, abandoned bag of potatoes and I had enough seeing that.”  
“A sad bag of... potatoes?” Nina echoed. “How is that looks exactly?”  
“You know... An overstuffed sack lying in the corner of the basement and small sprouts are already grown out on the little holes because it was left there for such a long time.”  
“And that picture reminds you of me... Geez, Alek, you are such a weirdo.”  
“Sorry.” The young man shrugged with a half smile. “That is how it is for me.”  
“Is your family some kind of potato worshipper or what?”  
“I’m really hurt.” Aleksandar put his hand over his heart to show how offended he is.  
“No you are not.” Nina rolled her eyes. “Potato freak.”  
“Right back at you... Boney.”  
“Boney? Really? That is the best what you can do?”  
“At least it’s true... In a way.” Aleksandar sighed.  
“Do you ever miss it?” Nina became serious under a moment.  
“What?” Aleksandar was not sure what is the topic anymore.  
“Bulgaria... I was there once or twice for competitions, it’s beautiful. The hills, the lakes, the ocean... Oh, I love the ocean so much.”  
“I was eight when we moved to France... I consider Paris as my home.”  
“So you don’t like it?”  
“It’s not that... It’s just that I was always a tourist when I visited Bulgaria. And Belarus? I was never even there.”  
“Never?” Nina was honestly surprised. “You are half Belarusian.”  
“Yet, I didn’t feel the urge.”  
“You speak Belarusian though like somebody, who was born there.”  
“Just like you. But, unlike you, I had my father at home for practice... and if we are speaking about this, what about you and Belarus?”  
“I was nearly four when I was moved to Russia, I can hardly recall anything... Except the rivers. You know, I was born is Orša, it’s close to the Russian border. It lies in the fork of the Dnieper and the Arshytsa.”  
“You had a teacher who taught you Belarusian, right?”  
“My brother arranged it. He was always very keen about that I need to ‘nurture the country’s culture’ from where I’m coming. He took me to Belarus for vacations, paid for my teachers, even got me a Belarusian coach.”  
“From where I’m standing, he doesn’t seem like someone who hates you.”  
“Can we stop talking about this? Please.”  
“You are strange, Ni... You open up easily but then suddenly pull up your walls so high...”  
“That means I’m human, I guess.”  
“It means you are deeply hurt and afraid.”  
“Know what?” Nina tired to close the topic. “You are not my physiatrist, so-”  
“You have one?”  
“Sure.” Nina scoffed. “No, of course.”  
“You should.”  
“Excuse me?”  
“You don’t talk to me, don’t talk to your brother and definitely don’t talk to your coach, what, I can understand because he is really creepy sometimes, so yeah, I think you need somebody who listens to what you have to say.”  
“What makes you thinking I have something you say? And I’m talking to you. We are having a conversation now.”  
“Ni-”  
“Hm?”  
“Whatever. Forget it.”  
“Alek! Don’t be such a bitch.”  
“I learnt it from you... And you really need to do something about this swearing. You are an angel until you open your mouth.”  
“God,” Nina rolled her eyes “you are just like my brother. And you can’t take that as a compliment.”  
“Maybe,” Aleksandar was playing with his phone, “because I’m a big brother myself.”  
“Wow,” Nina let go of her leg, which was apparently a little behind her head as she was doing a standing split “this is brand new information.”  
“It didn’t seem to matter.” The Bulgarian shrugged.  
“And that is why I have trust issues.”  
“This? It’s hardly qualifies as a reason.”  
“Okay, I’m finished.” Nina made the last circles with her left foot, until she heard a satisfying crack. “Can we start now?”  
“Sure.” The young man put away his phone. “So, the thing is that you are not happy at all. You are fourteen and act like you are sour thirty years old. When you have to project serious emotions, you are perfect, but you never seem to enjoy it. Not the way you should be. You are missing, how I need to put it... A spark of mischief.”  
Nina was thinking for a moment, than tilted her head to the side, licked her lips and smiled.  
“Mischief, you say?”  
A wide grin appeared on Aleksandar’s face to that.  
“I like that better now.”  
“Course you do. My sweet summer child... I can sell you anything if I’d wish.”  
“ Really? Than let me see more... I’m going to teach you something, I hope, new.”  
“Teach me?” Nina echoed.  
“Have you ever heard about bhangra?”  
“The Indian dance?”  
“Exactly.”

“Enough, I’m dead, I swear.” Nina was gripping her side with one hand while she was wiping off the sweat with the other. Her legs felt like jelly and her vision went blurry sometimes, but she couldn’t help, but smile. She couldn’t deny that she was enjoying dancing with Aleksandar. “How thought this to you?”  
“Mohinder, I told you about him. Do it once more, and I let you go.”  
In that moment, someone knocked on the practice room’s door. Nina and Aleksandar exchanged a look, than the young man went and opened it. The Russian skater girl heard a shattered Russian conversation, after, her partner came back, holding an enormous pizza box in his hands.  
“What the hell is that?”  
“I’m hungry.” Aleksandar put down the box, opened it and started to eat. “Want some?” He waved in the direction of the pizza. “Quattro formaggio.”  
“No thanks.” Nina turned away her head.  
“Ni, you didn’t eat anything today! It’s a miracle that you didn’t faint! Just one slice... please.”  
“I’m not hungry.”  
“Of course you are.” Aleksandar’s dark eyes turned almost black. “Come here and eat! Now!”  
“No!”  
“Why on earth are you doing this? What do you want to accomplish?”  
“Nothing, I’m just not hungry.” Nina insisted.  
“Bullshit...” The young man lowered his hand with the slice in it. “Is this about that you... were eating last night at that bar and now...”  
“...Yes?”  
“Ni, if you are afraid of getting fat, that is technically impossible, considering how much training you have! And especially not from one slice of goddamn pizza!”  
The girl pressed together her lips and shook her head. The joyful mood from earlier disappeared in a moment. The Russian wanted to say something, but in that moment, her stomach growled. Very loudly. Aleksandar pulled up one eyebrow and gave the girl such a judging look she blushed and muttered something about ‘stupid bodies’.  
“Really...” The Bulgarian sighed. “You want me to beg of you? You are going to die if you continue this, you are paper thin! I know this is partly your body type, partly that is you are doing ballet so seriously, but this is still-”  
“If the practice is over, I think I’m going.” Nina’s voice was ice cold.  
“Don’t be like this.” Aleksandar asked.  
“Then, leave me alone! You are not my coach, not my brother, not anything to me to have the right to butt in my life!” As she said it, Nina knew that she was an idiot... again. Aleksandar seemed hurt.  
“Alek, I-”  
“Maybe this is why your brother hates you... Amongst almost everybody else.” The young man said mock-casually. “Nobody wants to be near somebody who throws such terrible things to their head.”  
“I know.” Nina answered dully. She put her bag onto her shoulder and slipped her legs into her warm up boots. “See you tomorrow.”  
“No, no, you don’t get away that easily!” Aleksandar grabbed the girl’s arm, but he released it in an instant when he saw her face. “Sorry...”  
“It’s fine.”  
“What’s the matter? I saw you reacting the same earlier a few times...”  
“I don’t like when people are touching me unexpectedly... Actually, touching me at all. But... when... when we are practising... that’s different.”  
“You are really committed.” Aleksandar’s voice was appreciative.  
“Thanks.”  
“You’re welcome. But I’m still hurt...” Aleksandar grinned. “For your luck, you can make it up to me.”  
“I have the feeling I’m not going to like this.” Nina sighed.  
“Eat some fuckin pizza, Ni.”  
“You are the worst.” The girl let the bag fell onto the floor, and she knew she lost this argument. She really didn’t want to hurt Aleksandar any more.  
They young man smiled. He took a slice and gave it to Nina.  
“A half first. And slowly.”  
“Want me to eat, or not?”  
“Your stomach is in no condition for getting something that heavy.”  
“Okay...” Nina started to munch the pizza.  
“Good girl.”  
The skater girl finished the first one, than the second and she was almost trough the third when she started to feel a little nauseous.  
“Easy, easy...” Aleksandar took away the food from Nina and gently ran his fingers down on one of a loosened mop of the girl’s hair. “Enough for now.”  
“So that’s how it’s like...” The girl muttered.  
“What?”  
“Having a brother, who actually cares.”  
“You already have one.”  
“No, I don’t.”  
“Ni... Let me tell you something. I have a younger brother and sister, they were born in Paris. But I’m not the oldest sibling. I, myself, have an older brother too... well... two older brothers... kind of. The oldest... He was always a rebel. Every family has one. He was brilliant in one way and a total douche in every other another. We got along well, the best in the family, but eventually I got in fights with him too. First they were just smaller, just the usual sibling quarrels. But then, it became more and more serious...” Aleksandar stopped for a moment, and then continued on a much quieter voice. “When I last talked to him, we were having the ugliest argument and I shouted things about that he is a disgrace to us, he does nothing but destroying and I don’t consider him my relative anymore... I can’t say how much I regretted that since, but I never had the chance to tell him. And that’s going to be haunting me for the rest of my life. Because doesn’t matter who he was, he was family. And you should never give up on blood.”  
“Is he...?” Nina couldn’t really cover up the question to sound good, so she just asked anyway. “Is he dead?”  
Aleksandar shook his head.  
“He left next morning without saying goodbye or taking anything... and we didn’t hear about him since. So we can say, he is good as dead, even though he is alive and that’s horrible. He might have a family, kids, I might be an uncle or a brother-in-law and don’t know about it. He might have reached his dreams or got nothing and he is a drug addict or an alcoholic lying in a ditch somewhere. Maybe he is in a hospital dying, or already dead... Since a day, since a month, years, who knows? You still have the chance to make things right between you, while I can’t... I just don’t want you to go through the same thing; I don’t want anyone to go through this.”

“I found him!” Mila screamed. “I knew it, I knew it, I KNEW IT! See?”  
She put the phone under Yuri’s nose, but the blonde Russian pushed her hand away.  
“Leave me alone! I don’t care about that!”  
“Aren’t you jealous?” Mila teased him.  
“For what?” Yuri snorted.  
“How he was dancing with Nina...”  
“Are you dumb? How many times I have to tell you that I don’t care? Do I need to spell it out or something?”  
“You were such good friends...”  
“Shut the fuck up!” Yuri skated away from the girl, still muttering under his breath.  
“What did you do to him?” Viktor slide next to Mila, having so much effortless grace in these simple movements too, it was almost unnatural.  
“Mentioned your sister. Why are they not talking anymore? They were so close...”  
“To be honest,” Viktor sighed “I don’t know. Ninachka never said anything about that, doesn’t matter how hard I tired... What did you find?”  
“Him.” Mila showed the phone to the other skater.  
It was the skater with whom he saw Nina earlier. Next to his picture, there was his name “Aleksandar 'Alek' Konstantinov” and stated he speaks English, French, Belarusian and Bulgarian. His description said he was third from five siblings, born in Bulgaria, Stara Zagora, from a Belarusian mother and a Bulgarian father. He spent most of his life in Paris – his father’s family originated from France - where he started skating at a young age, but he left competitive skating after he turned seventeen and with one of his rink mates, they formed ‘Cirque Clair de Lune’ to the image of Cirque du Soleil, but later changed the name to ‘Midnight Circus’. The group was consisting former skaters, circus artists and dancers. Their shows were quite extreme, involving the fusion of dance, acrobatics movements and ice skating.  
“But what is he doing here with my sister?” Viktor put his index finger onto his lips.  
“Obviously, he wants her to be in their shows.” Georgi, was standing not far from them, joined the conversation. “They are coming to St.Petersburg and Moscow, having a few performances. Two here, and three there, if I remember correctly. Their tickets were sold out in minutes; they are quite a big hit, especially now, having your sister with them. Maybe she decides to join them after.”  
“Her coach would never allow that.” Viktor opposed.  
“But I’m sure he is happy for the opportunity to show off her talent a little more.”  
“He should be focusing on making her a decent choreography.”  
“To tell the truth, her choreographies are more than decent...You didn’t see any of it yet?”  
“Did you?” Viktor seemed quite surprised.  
“Sure. Mila saw it too.”  
“And-”  
But the young man couldn’t finish his sentence, because Yakov’s voice – who was standing behind them until this time – made them jump out from their skin.  
“I never thought I live to the day when Yuri is going to be the only one practising from you... So if you don’t feel like you are already so perfect like how Vladislav says about his skater, so... GO AND PRACTICE! NOW! And Georgi, put on your skates what were you doing until know?

***

Nina always loved the dark. It had nothing to do with her childhood, or maybe it had, she didn’t care, she just loved it. Everything was better during the night. Darkness could be just as versatile as the light, being dark blue and velvety hinted with silver spikes, chocolate brown and cozy with candlelight, black, muffled and ice cold, biting into anybody who dared to enter it’s region, but the girl loved all of them. The ice rink was - of course - empty in such an ungodly hour, but Nina just couldn’t sleep back after her newest nightmare, so after a late night run, she decided to sneak into the building for practising a little bit. She found – well it was showed to her - how to get in and out after the opening hours and she used this knowledge quite often. Of course, the power was out and she didn’t want to turn on the light to show everybody she is here, so she only used her phone’s flashlight. It created a sinister but somehow calming atmosphere for the girl who finally felt she is free. There was nobody there to scold her, to cheer for her, or to watch her. She got used to it, but sometimes all this attention – press, other skaters, all fuckin Russia hand in hand with the world – was just too overwhelming and she needed to let out the steam. She was never afraid from the darkness... She learnt very early that monsters and bad things come when they want from wherever they want, they don’t need any backup, so why would waste so many hours, based on a stupid superstition? Skating turned into her second nature during the years, she didn’t enjoy it or hated it, it was burnt into her deeper than her flash or bones, it was her soul and it was her existence. Skating was her and she was skating. She was designed to be on the ice, every cell in her body, was perfect for skating... She was in love with dancing, yes, it was what opened the door for her to feel better, to feel somebody, but it was like a first, faint childhood sweetheart, compared to skating, what the lifelong passion was, coming with the age...  
And the other perks in skating in the darkness alone: she could wear whatever she wanted and jumped how she wanted. Nobody to tell her make this triple, make this quad, do this combination like this, two here, three there... THIS was free skating.  
Her wispy shadow was trembling and wavering on the walls and windows as she was sliding, like a tiny, fragile bird, jumping from one branch to the another... She often was compared to a bird, mostly to a swan, but she liked herself more being a hummingbird or a kingfisher if she would have a chance, what she didn’t have, the press just glued different names on her...  
She decided it was enough from light for one night, skated to the phone and turned the light on. It took a few moments, for her eyes to get used to the darkness, but the half moon and the city lights finally became enough to see everything, what she needed. She glided back to the centre, waiting for the next to start, when she heard it... It was a sound of steps... But nobody was ever here during the nights... It was just her imagination for sure.  
“What’s with that dumb phone?” She muttered and slide to her mobile. “Why don’t you play music, you asshat?” As she touched it, she heard a loud bang. She was now definitely not imagining this... She grabbed the device and skated back to the middle. If somebody is really here, she can see better from this position. And anyway, if somebody tries to catch her while she is on the ice... Good luck to that dumb idiot, really. She was scanning the darkness around her, but the only thing was her breathing which now formed little racks. As she calmed down a little, she heard a roar and nearly jumped out from her skin. The moon was hiding behind thick storm clouds and it started to rain.  
“Weather... Really...”  
“It’s just rain, Ninachka.”  
The girl let out a weak scream as she turned around.  
“Viktor!?”  
“Come here Ninachka...” Viktor spread his arms waiting for his sister to hug her.  
“How did you get in?”  
“You got in here too.”  
“Because I broke in.”  
“Then, I guess, I did that too.”  
“You? Never. Viktor, what’s going on?”  
“Come here already.”  
Nina – in spite of her better judgement – skated to her brother and let him hug her.  
“Jesus, you are like a frozen statue!” The older Nikiforov’s arms were like hard ice...  
“Shh.” Her brother’s voice was now low and scratched like dirty snow when you are stepping on it. “Just stay like this for a moment.”  
“But I’m freezing.”  
As an answer, Viktor kissed the top of her head, and the girl felt an icy chill running down her spine. Her breath stopped for a moment and her heart missed a beat. She never felt so cold in her life, never... She pushed away her brother and somehow managed to skate further on the ice, despite of her full mumbled legs.  
“Wha-wh-at did- yo-u do- to... me?” Nina’s teeth were chattering so much she could hardly speak. She couldn’t feel her arms, her legs...  
“Shh.” Viktor stepped to the ice and when a faint ray of light, Nina screamed in horror. Her brother’s face was deformed in an impossibly wide smile and his eyes... Where he should have them, there nothing just two empty, dark holes. The girl tried to slide farer, but she fell onto the ice.  
“Don’t worry.” Viktor’s voice was like how dried branches are rustling in the cold winter wind. “I just need to get something from you...” He knocked his temple next to his right eyes. “You have the same, so I thought why can’t I borrow them for a time...?”  
Nina was so terrified, she couldn’t move even if she could. And Viktor got closer and closer with every step. As walked through an another ray of light, his face flashed for an another moment... And he didn’t seem that scarry... More like sad.  
“Do you give them to me?” He asked and the question sounded like pleading.  
He knelt down next to his sister and put his hand onto her face. Nina’s tears froze to her skin, but she slowly nodded.  
“Will it hurt?”  
“Terribly... But just for a moment, I promise.” He kissed Nina’s forehead, slowly dug his fingers into her left eye and the girl’s head was filled with red and black pain. Maybe she screamed, but the pain was so intense, she couldn’t hear her voice...

It was to two am and Nina woke up to the sound of her own screams. Her throat was hurting like crazy and she felt like she is going to throw up. She hardly made it to the toilet and she didn’t even feel better after. She sat onto the side of her bathtub, slowly sipping a glass of cold water, while tried to calm her racing heart down a little. Nightmares were old news to her, but this was an especially cruel one... The girl touched her left eye and shivered.  
“Crazy much... huh?” She muttered to her reflection after she finished the water and stood up. She leant down to wash her face again and when she stretched up, she saw the same image of Viktor like in her dream behind her. She didn’t even have time to scream; her brother grabbed her arm and pushed her against the sink. The glass fell onto the floor and shattered into a million pieces.

“NINA, NINA, Abudžać!!!” Viktor had a hard time keeping her sister in place, the girl was throwing herself so violently in her sleep, even the Russian’s skater strength – what he clearly had thanks to lifelong competitive skating - was nearly not enough to keep her down. She was screaming and panting, digging her nails into her mattress. “Nina, dastatkova! Abudžać! Kali łaska! ” Viktor didn’t speak more than a few words in Belarusian – he actually learnt the last one form his sister when she translated it to him – but it seem to be enough for the girl, because she opened her eyes. When she looked at Viktor, an expression of horror crossed her face and she tried to jump out from the bed, but the silver haired Russian grabbed her wrists and squeezed her to the mattress.  
“Vaša imia Nina Nikiforov,” he started slowly and seriously, hoping what he says is not a complete bullshit, even though his sister never corrected him “vy fihuryst, vy znachodziciesia doma ŭ Sankt-Pieciarburhu, a ja tvoj brat, Viktor Nikiforov.” He had to know early how to deal with confused people, due to that Nina was a very sickly child and if he didn’t take care of her, nobody did. He learnt that sentence in Belarusian because it didn’t matter Nina was very young when she was moved to the Nikiforov household, it could still calm her easier when she heard her first language , despite of that she never got any love on it while she was living in Belarus. “Vaša imia Nina Nikiforov, vy fihuryst, vy znachodziciesia doma ŭ-”  
“I’m good... I’m good...” Nina whispered. Her head was aching, her throat was burning like hell and her mouth was like a desert.  
“Sure?”  
“Yes...”  
“Okay.” Viktor slowly released her sister.  
“What... are you... doing here?” Nina tried to sat up, even though she was still too weak, being under the after-effects of her nightmare, but her brother helped her up and showed a few pillows behind her back.  
“Easy, easy.”  
“So... how...”  
“Actually,” Viktor ran his fingers through his hair “you were screaming so loudly, the neighbours came, but it didn’t matter how hard they knocked or ringed the bell, you didn’t wake up, so they called me, fearing something terrible happened to you. Is it okay if I go out and make a cup of tea, or you want me to stay?”  
“Viktor, I just had a nightmare, I’m not sick and I’m not dying. Of course, you can go.”  
“That was more than a simple nightmare...” The older Nikiforov stood up. “It took me several minutes to wake you up, and you were like... somebody who is being... hurt.”  
“I was.”  
“Want to talk about it?”  
“Make that tea first. I could really use it.”

After she took the last, long sip from the chamomile tea, Nina let out a sigh and slowly started to feel more relaxed. Viktor – without asking of course – slipped into the bed and moved around until he was finally behind her sister, so he could wrap her arms around her. The younger Nikiforov closed her eyes and lay back, resting her head on the collarbone of Viktor.  
“Your nightmare-” The older skater started.  
“I have them almost every night, but they are always different. This was one of the worst so far... I was at the ice rink. It was night and I was alone, but suddenly you were there too, and... you were like, you know, those awful clown masks with those creepy, wide smiles, your face was like that, frozen into that creepy grin “Nina was speaking more and more faster, feeling her heart racing again “and you came to me on the ice, and you had no eyes, God, I don’t know why you didn’t have eyes, so you gouged out mines, saying you need them, and after I woke up here and went to the bathroom to drink but when I washed my face and looked up, you were behind me with the same face because I was still dreaming but I thought I was awake and -”  
Viktor smoothed his hand onto his sister’s lips.  
“It’s fine, it’s enough. Don’t get so worked up.” He slid his fingers up and started to gently massage Nina’s temple. “Try to relax a little... I’m here, Makkachin is here...”  
“Where is he?”  
“In the living room, I didn’t want to let him in until you woke up, but animals can help calming down the nerves, so I made sure he is coming too.” The young man whistled to the poodle who run into the bedroom like someone who was sentenced to life long solitary and miraculously was released. He jumped up to the bed and placed himself into Nina’s lap, hoping for some kindness, and the girl – of course – started to pet him.  
“How are you feeling? Better?”  
“Yeah...” Nina suddenly felt so tired. “I want to sleep.”  
“Of course.” Viktor slid down in the bed and pulled his sister with himself too. Makkachin stayed where he was, so the current situation was Nina hugging the dog, and Viktor hugging the girl.  
“Can you...”  
“Yes?”  
“Sing something... for me?” Nina was too tired to even feel embarrassed for the question which would be normally the case. She just wanted to sleep without the freaking nightmares once or twice...  
After a moment of thinking, Viktor chose a popular Russian romance, what he used it as a lullaby too.  
“ [Gori, gori, moya zvezda](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=elD9EbxRxeo), zvezda lyubvi, privetnaya! Ty u menya odna zavetnaya, drugoy ne budet nikogda. Soydyot li noch na zemlyu yasnaya, zvyozd mnogo bleshchet v nebesakh, no ty odna, moya prekrasnaya, gorish v otradnykh mne luchakh. Zvezda nadezhdy blagodatnaya, zvezda lyubvi volshebnykh dney, ty budesh vechno nezakatnaya v dushe toskuyushchey moyey. Tvoikh luchey nebesnoy siloyu vsya zhizn moya ozarena. Umru li ya, ty nad mogiloyu gori, siyay, moya zvezda!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pizdabol’ ruskija. - Idiot Russians. [Belarusian]  
> Dastatkova! - Enough![Belarusian]  
> Abudžać! - Wake up! [Belarusian]  
> Vaša imia Nina Nikiforov, vy fihuryst, vy znachodziciesia doma ŭ Sankt-Pieciarburhu, a ja tvoj brat, Viktor Nikiforov. - Your name is Nina Nikiforov, you are a figure skater, you are at home in St.Petersburg, and I’m your brother, Viktor Nikiforov. [Belarusian]  
> Gori, gori, moya zvezda, zvezda lyubvi, privetnaya! Ty u menya odna zavetnaya, drugoy ne budet nikogda. Soydyot li noch na zemlyu yasnaya, zvyozd mnogo bleshchet v nebesakh, no ty odna, moya prekrasnaya, gorish v otradnykh mne luchakh. Zvezda nadezhdy blagodatnaya, zvezda lyubvi volshebnykh dney, ty budesh vechno nezakatnaya v dushe toskuyushchey moyey. Tvoikh luchey nebesnoy siloyu vsya zhizn moya ozarena. Umru li ya, ty nad mogiloyu gori, siyay, moya zvezda! - Shine, shine, my star, shine, affable star! You are my only cherished one,another there will never be. If a clear night comes down upon the earth many stars shine in the skies, but you alone, my gorgeous one, shine in pleasant beams to me. O blessed star of hope, the star of love of magic days, you will be eternally unwithering in my longing soul. By the heavenly strength of your beams, my whole life is illuminated and if I die, over my grave shine, shine on, my star! [Russian]


	4. IV.

"People who truly love us can be divided into two categories: those who understand us, and those who forgive us our worst sins. Rarely do you find someone capable of both." - Jonathan Carroll

“No, I’m staying with her, at least for today... No, it doesn’t seem to be... Yes, she is all right I think, she is still sleeping.”  
The words poured slowly into Nina’s mind. Who is speaking? And about what? It sounded like her brother’s voice. Oh, yes, really, he came during the night, because... The girl opened her eyes and first, they met with her blanket, what meant she was sleeping with it on her head – she often did – and when she shifted her gaze, she saw the back of her brother. She reached out and knocked on his lower back with one finger.  
“Oh, she is awake, I have to go.” The older Nikiforov ended the call and turned to the girl, pulling of the blanket off of her head, giving his sister a sunny smile which worth at least one million Rubles.  
“Good morning, milaya moya, how are you?”  
“I feel like... shit.” Nina’s voice was hoarse and her throat was aching.  
“It’s understandable after what happened... Wait a moment.”  
Viktor came back an enormous mug of chamomile tea and carefully handed it to Nina.  
“This is not mine...” The girl slowly turned the mug around to see it. It seemed to be very expensive and handmade, it was white, with a delicate painting on it which formed branches of a sakura tree, with pale pink flowers. There were a few Japanese characters on one side, but Nina couldn’t read them.  
“It says:  
'onto the paper amulet  
cherry blossoms  
scatter'”  
Viktor provided the explanation.  
“You just made this up, right? You don’t speak Japanese.”  
“I brought the mug in Japan while I was there for a tournament. Well, somebody made it personally for me, but I paid for it, so I technically bought it... It’s a haiku by the way and -”  
“I know what a haiku is, I’m not stupid.” Nina cut into the silver haired Russian’s sentence.  
“Sorry... I always forget your side of the family.”  
“My great grandmother was half Japanese; it’s not that I have any relations to that country...”  
“Your hair looks like that.” Viktor playfully pulled one of Nina’s bangs. “And your eyes.” He tilted his head, examining the girl.  
“If you didn’t realize this time, I tell you now, my eyes have the same colour like yours.”  
“But they are almond shaped a little.”  
“A way too little, and they are also too big for someone who is Asian.”  
“Well, right...” Viktor gently poked the younger skater’s noise. “But either way, you are a little cutie.”  
“Don’t call me that.” Nina muttered.  
“Why?”  
“Because I’m not cute.”  
“Of course you are. You are cute, gorgeous, pretty, beautiful, sweet, everything what you wish. Just like me.” Viktor threw himself into Nina’s lap with a smile.  
“I was always a fan of your modesty.” Nina answered on a dry tone. “And you are biased, because I’m your relative.”  
“Who, thanks to God, inherited the beautiful traits of the family. You should be thankful too.”  
“For what? Being similar to a bunch of people who hate me?”  
“You resemble to me the most, so what’s the fuss?”  
Nina stared into her tea before she answered. She thought about a lot what Aleksandar told to her and how Viktor acted, but then why did he say such things? It’s going to be the easiest if she asks him, really.  
“You hate me too, right?”  
Viktor sat up so abruptly, he nearly knocked out the mug from the younger Nikiforov’s hands.  
“Hey, my tea!”   
“Ninachka, I love you very much!”  
“But you said -”  
“What?”  
“That I ruined your family’s life and -”  
“First, that is what you did, and second, I don’t care about that all. You can go and destroy it as many times as you wish! They showed what kind of people they are when they decided to be horrible to child, who was at no fault in that adults are horrible! Father cheated on mother, if somebody has to be blamed, it’s him! You did what you did, but I couldn’t love you more and I’m very proud of you! Do you understand? Ninachka... Are you... crying? Did I say something again?”  
“No, it’s just raining on my face!”  
“Idiot...” Viktor said on a warm voice, full with love. He took away the mug from Nina and hugged her tightly to himself. The girl grabbed her brother’s t-shirt and hid her face into it. It was not a pretty cry, her sobs were uneven and her breathing ragged, making a complete mess from herself. Viktor’s t-shirt became a mess of tears and fabric under no time. “It’s fine, I’m here, I love you.” He breathed, stroking his sister’s hair. “Everything is okay.”  
Nina looked up, red-rimmed blue eyes locking into the older Nikiforov’s.  
“Vik... I’m sorry. I was horrible to you.”  
“Just let it go, milaya moya. I love you even when you are terrible. You are my sweet little sister and nothing can change that.” The silver haired skater leant down and kissed Nina’s forehead.

After Nina calmed down a little, Viktor made her drank her two other mug of teas, take a shower and dress up.  
“Are you not going to complain about having to be absent from your trainings today?” The older Nikiforov asked while he finished arranging the food on the plate.  
“You were right in that too.” The girl blushed a little. “If you say its okay, it’s probably fine, seeing your career and everything...”  
“Really?” A child’s Christmas smile was nothing compared to Viktor’s when he heard his sister. “You listen to me?”  
“If it’s just one day....”  
“Of course, it’s just one!” Viktor went to the table and put the food on the table. “You don’t have to slack off just because you won the Youth Olympics and Junior Words! Your senior debut is not a joke; you have to give everything in it, but, your body needs to rest once in a while.”  
“Okay, okay, I got it!” Nina held up her hands. “God, you became obsessed so suddenly... And what about your season?”  
“It’s fine, don’t worry about that.” Viktor said on a dull voice. “There is no need to even mention.”  
“Okkay...” Nina didn’t want to press the topic, so she turned her attention to the food. “I can’t remember having these ingredients here. And what about the mug anyway? How did that got here?”  
Oh, well... While you were sleeping, I set Makkachin to guard you, went home for some stuff and did a little shopping.”  
“A... little?” The younger Nikiforov echoed. “Scampi, shrimp, avocados and salmon are count as a ‘little shopping’? These are quite expensive. And the stuff you brought from your place was a mug?”  
“And... some clothes, toothbrush, Makkachin’s reserve bowls, leash, dog food, other small things. I liked your idea keeping some stuff at my place. Also, a few knives. And I brought some kitchenware. You don’t have a wok... How come? I thought I taught you better.”  
“So you literally moved in.”  
“If I need to take care of you,” Viktor shrugged and put a scampi into his mouth “I need to have the things for it.”  
“You don’t need to take care of me, at all.” Nina hissed.  
“Of course I do.”  
“No you don’t. And you wouldn’t. You are not that type. Yes, you show up sometimes when there’s trouble and I appreciate that more or less, but you were never a mother hen, admit it.”  
“Because you never seemed to need it.”  
“Or, more like because you are pretty damn self absorbed.”  
“That hurt.”  
“Live with it.” Nina poked a scampi with a fork. “What do we have here?”  
“This is cucumber-avocado-tomato salad with roasted red potatoes and grilled shrimp skewers, and those are scampi with lemon and herbs, on bruschetta. Don’t worry, I made everything in the way to fit into your training. It definitely fits into mine, so there’s no problem. What do you want first?”  
Nina chewed on her lip for a few moments, but she didn’t want to hurt Viktor so soon after they made up, so she had to choose.  
“The... salad.”  
“Good girl.”

She went only half way through her plate when she felt she is full.  
“Okay, I give up. If I eat one more bite, I’m going to be sick. God, you are still such a good cook...”  
“Really? Finished?” Viktor’s mouth was full with bruschetta. “You hardly ate!”  
“We can save the rest for later.”  
The older Nikiforov narrowed his eyes.  
“You sure you are going to eat it?” He demanded.  
“Yes.”  
“Promise?”  
“What is this, the Spanish Inquisition?”   
“PROMISE?”  
“Fine, I promise...”  
“Good!” Viktor clapped. “And now, we are going to buy something for you!”  
“Why? You want two woks here?”  
“No, you silly... gifts to you because you won the Olympics and the Junior Worlds!”  
“I won several other competitions and I won the Junior Worlds last year too... But you know what would be a real gift? You being there, watching me. I don’t need anything fancy, I can buy everything if I wish.”  
“Ninachka, pazhalsta... ” Viktor pouted.  
“Okay, fine, you won, we are going, just don’t give me those puppy eyes... They make me sick.”

Nina was so tired she didn’t even care anymore. Viktor dragged her trough the city, searching for the most ‘fitting present’, and heard no excuses. Makkachin seemed as content as his owner, trying to sniff everything and everybody and pulling his leash so strongly, he nearly made Nina fell a few times. When they walked past a coffee, the girl heard a high pitched scream and someone hugged her legs.  
“Nie! Nie!”  
A small girl looked up to her with a wide smile with her icy blue eyes sparkling with joy. Her silver hair was in two pigtails and she had a butterfly clip in it, in the same pink colour like her dress.  
“Oh, hello!” Nina smiled after she got over her surprise and gently stroked the little girl’s hair.  
“Hi, angel!” Viktor lifted the little girl with a smile and kissed her cheek. “You look beautiful today!”  
“Vitya!” An adult voice joined them and the smile disappeared from Nina’s face. “What are you doing here?”  
She turned to the direction of the question but she regretted it instantly. There were a bunch of people sitting next to one of the outside tables. An older man, two women, a younger boy and an older girl, about the same age as Nina. Five pairs of icy blues eyes with pale faces, framed with silver blonde hair. The Nikiforov family was there. And just when the girl thought it can’t be any worse, and another woman joined the table. She was taller and slim, with curly, golden hair and eyes like the night ocean.  
“Vitya!” She smiled, stepped to the young man and kissed his cheeks. “You didn’t visit us since months!” She said on a slightly scolding voice. “Everybody is missing you.” The woman simply ignored Nina, like if she was lamp post or something.  
“Hi, mum.” Viktor was slightly cold as he kissed the woman’s cheeks too. He gave the little girl to her mother and kissed her cheek too, but this time, with real affection. “Be a good girl, right? See you soon.”  
“Where are you going, Vitya?” The man stood up. He was taller than Viktor, with more broader shoulders and a sturdy look, but there was grace in his movements. “Come, sit with your family. We can mostly catch you only on the screen.”  
“I’m spending the day with my sister.”  
“Oh yeah, that is here too. The mistake.” The woman grimaced as she was seeing something disgusting and Nina’s face twitched.  
Viktor furrowed his brows and took Nina’s hand.  
“SHE is here and she has a name, which is Nina Vladimirovna Nikiforov.”  
“Leave it.” The girl muttered. “It’s fine.”  
“No, it’s not!”  
“Vik, please... Stay here if you want.”  
“Right, son, stay.” Vladimir asked.  
“No.” Viktor stretched himself, standing tall.   
“They are your family,” Nina released her brother’s hand “and that is important. You only know that when you don’t have one.”  
“And your present?”  
“Just be there on my next performance.”  
“Ninachka...”  
“Is it too much, really? One occasion, one! Not a hundred, not a thousand...”  
“What if I have a competition that day too?”  
“You already won everything which was possible in figure skating...”  
“But-”  
“Know what?” Nina tossed Makkachin’s leash to her brother. “Forget it. You rather buy something which cost a hundred Rubles than coming to support me one fuckin time, I got it.”  
The girl turned away, but Viktor grabbed the sleeve of her jacket.  
“Would YOU do it? Leave something out for me?”  
“Sure... That’s what siblings supposed to too.” Nina tore out her jacket from her brother’s fingers. “But how would you know that... This family consist nothing but a bunch of a letdowns. But don’t worry you seem to fit in just right. Enjoy your afternoon.”

***

Nina crossed her arms in front of her and leant against the wall. The corridors were full of students around her and she tried to melt into the shadows, not wanting anybody to recognize her.  
“Stupid parent-student-teacher day...” She muttered as she was scrolling down her instagram, checking out photos. She didn’t want, but ended, checking out her brother‘s page and found the picture of him, Makkachin and herself what Viktor uploaded it on the afternoon of their badly ended shopping trip. “Idiot.” Nina muttered and put the phone back into her pocket, looking out on the window with a sigh. Most of the other kids cleared up as the day was ending, only the ones stayed who were supposed to be her classmates or were in the same year as she. Nina was homeschooled for all of her life, but she still had to go in to get her exams and events like this. She knew nobody, but of course the others recognized her, she could hear them whispering. She tried to ignore it, hoping nobody has the guts to come and ask for a photo. She was not in a mood for playing cute for her fans, or everybody. She didn’t talk to Viktor since that afternoon in the city, so she could just hope he is going to be here... He HAS to be here... This was not just between them, this was official. Giving up waiting, Nina sat up into the window, lie down and put her legs up, after she pulled her hood onto her head. She was wearing biker boots, leggings, a lighter scarf, faux leather jacket, a simple, white shirt dress with short sleeves and an enormous zipper hoodie– XXL to ‘match’ her XXXS size, it went down to her knees and she had to roll up the sleeves because they went through her arms with a good amount of inches – in crimson colour. The hoodie itself was from ‘J.J. wear’, she got it from J.J. himself as the skater loved to shower her with his clothing stuff all the time. They met trough J.J.’s younger siblings with whom Nina was skating together in Junior, and the Canadian technically adopted her as a third sibling, not having any interest in what is Nina’s opinion in the matter. The girl fished her phone out from her pocket, put her earplugs in and started the playlist in which she collected her skating music. She closed her eyes and imagined herself on the ice. This ‘exercise’ was good for improving muscle memory and she used on every occasion when she had the time. She felt it no more than a half an hour but when she opened her eyes, it was already dark outside and her classmates were gone. Nina hastily jumped off from the window and she nearly hit the person who just turned on the corner.  
“Hey! What the fuck are you doing?”  
“Sorry!” Nina collected her earplugs from the floor – they were wireless, so she had to keep a several pairs because she always left the ones she was using – and wiped off her hair from the face. “I was just-” Her words died off when she realized who is standing in front of her. “Yuri...”  
“What?”  
“Why are you here?”  
“We are classmates...” The other skater’s tone made it clear he takes Nina as an idiot.  
“I know! I just thought everybody is already gone...”  
“There are two inside, we are next. Where is Viktor?”  
Nina shrugged.  
“Like I would know. You are his rink mate.”  
“And you are his sister.”  
“Yeah... More or less...”   
Awkward silence fell between them for a few moments. Nina was changing her weight from one leg to the other and back, while Yuri watched the street right before them, like the girl a few hours earlier. His green-blue, turquoise coloured eyes flashed every time a car went past the building, pouring light onto them.  
“Well... How is your grandfather?” Nina asked just to say something.  
“Good.” Yuri didn’t even look at the skater girl. “He is going to be here soon.”  
“Oh, great.”  
“He is being well since a time...” The blonde Russian added on a cold tone. “What you didn’t bother to ask.”  
“Didn’t bother to ask?” Nina didn’t want to believe what she heard. “If I remember correctly, I left my training in the middle of a fuckin December snowstorm to get to the hospital just after he was taken in, and you were shouting at me there to go away and never come any near neither of you or your family! What did you expect after that? I just followed what you said!” The girl took a shaky breath. “You were...” She started slowly. Even after those years, it still hurt like yesterday. “My only friend, you know.”  
“Maybe you should have tried to get some more.” Yuri scoffed.  
“Probably.” Nina agreed sourly. “First tries are often shitty as they say, so maybe I wouldn’t get to pick such an asshole for the second...”  
“What did you say???”  
“Heard me.”  
“Repeat it!” Yuri clenched his fists.  
“I said you were a shitty friend and a shitty person back then and from what I’m seeing, you are still, if not even gotten worse.”   
“You little-” The boy grabbed Nina’s hoodie and pushed her against the wall.  
“What?” The raven haired skater smiled. “You want to hit me? We both know that’s not going to happen, so release me, little fairy, before your wings broke accidentally. I’m not afraid of you Yuri Plisestky, fairy queen of Russia... Because you know what happens to fairies in the winter?” She grabbed Yuri’s wrist and moved his hand away from her clothes. “They froze... and they die.”  
“At least I’m a Russian something.” The blonde boy snapped back. “And what are you? A Russian-Belarusian half-breed, not wanted by either... You have no family and no nation to belong to. Even Viktor doesn’t cares about you. Look around, he is not here and he is not going to come, because you don’t count to him, just like you don’t count to anybody else. You can win as much gold as you like but that doesn’t going to change anything... You are always going to be an outsider.”  
It was worse than if he would actually hit Nina. The girl’s breath stilled in her lungs and her eyes widened so big, she nearly started to cry. Damn Yuri Plisestky and his venomous tongue, he always knew better where to punch, much better than her... In that moment, the door of the teachers’ office opened and the ones who were inside came out to the corridor. Yuri snorted and stepped back from Nina, easily freeing his wrist from the frozen fingers of his fellow skater.  
“Oh, you are here.” Their teacher smiled at them. The school faculty was on the same page when it came about Nina and Yuri: they were almost screaming from joy over the fact that the two best junior skaters are studying in their institution. “It’s so good to see you are so close. Warms the heart.” The teacher’s gaze caught Nina’s expression and she frowned. “Are you all right?”  
“Yes, of course.” Nina put on her perfect ‘interview’ smile – she learnt it from Viktor – what never fell short deceiving anybody.   
“Good.” The teacher smiled too.  
“Can I go to the toilet, before we start?”  
“Sure, go, we are waiting for your guardians anyway...”

Somebody kicked in the bathroom’s door with a loud thump and Nina lifted her face from the sink. Yuri walked in with his hands in his pocket; his expression showed he wants to be anywhere but here.  
“Can’t you read?” Nina asked the blonde Russian. “I help you out; it says ‘girls’ on the door.”  
“She told me to come and check on you.”  
“Why?”  
Yuri shrugged.  
“Because she is a teacher.”  
“And? Do I need to understand something here, what I don’t?”  
The skater shrugged again.  
“They have this freaky sixth sense...Teachers I mean.”  
“So they are like coaches... They know when you don’t do everything as they said; even when they can’t see you.”   
“Yeah.” Yuri agreed. “Creeps.” He stepped to the wall, pulled out some paper towels from the paper dispenser and offered them to Nina.   
They stood silent for a few moments without any of them moving; just the sound of the water drops dripping from Nina’s face broke the silence. The girl knew what this meant from Yuri, he always said sorry somehow similar like this, and now, it was on her to accept it or not. She finally reached, took the papers and wiped her face.  
“Don’t call me a fairy, I hate that.” Yuri muttered angrily.  
“Okay... Sorry.” In that moment, they heard a loud bang, accompanied with an ugly laughter. Nina raised an eyebrow. “What’s going out there? I thought everybody is gone...” She went to the door; Yuri followed her with only a step behind. They peeked out and saw three tall teenagers, one pinning a much smaller and younger boy to the wall. The boy’s nose was bleeding and his books and pencils were everywhere on the floor. “What the hell...” Nina muttered.  
“Hey, if I remember, I said, I want my assignment ready for today! Where is it?” The tallest teenager – who was holding the boy – shouted.  
“I-I’m sorry... I had to fi-finish my project for a physics competition and-”  
“Did I ask any detail of your sorry life?”  
“Don’t.” Yuri grabbed Nina’s arm. “I know you want to go outside, but don’t. This is not our business.”  
“But he is harassed by those guys! And he is alone!”  
“And what do you want to do? You are even smaller than that boy! You think they not gonna beat you too? But know what? If you want your nose to be broken a few days before a competition, be my guest.” The blonde Russian released Nina. “Just don’t come crying to me after.”  
“Don’t worry,” the girl answered on a cold tone “I won’t.”

The pain was really bearable. For someone who was beaten so regularly, this was almost nothing. The teenager was big, right, but his punches were not focused that much and he clearly didn’t know how to hit someone to cause really much pain... It didn’t take long to find herself pinned against the wall, next to the boy.  
“Hi.” Nina muttered, out of breath. “Believe or not, but I’m here to help you.”  
“Not succeeding in it very much though.” The boy looked at her with a painful smile.  
“Yeah, sorry for that...”  
“Enough from the chatting! Who the fuck you think you are?” The teenager shouted into the girl’s face.  
“Someone with better personal hygiene.” Nina grimaced. “Your breath stinks.”   
“You son of a bitch!” The guy yelled and the girl waited for being thrown onto the ground, when a new voice joined them.  
“Hey, asshats, you have any idea who you are hitting?” It was Yuri; he stood not far from them his hands still in his pockets.  
“And who are you, you little rat?”  
“Who is going to kick your ass if you don’t release them... NOW.”  
“How brave... You want to be beaten too?” The third guy, whose hands were ‘free’, took a step towards Yuri, who didn’t move, just gave him a cold look.  
“Listen, assholes.” He continued. “That girl there, in recent ranking, the world’s number one female skater, and addition to that, two times Junior World champion, Youth Olympics gold medallist and two times Junior Grand Prix winner... So, if this gets out, think about that, who is going to be fired from the school and be shamed as a bully... She, or you.”  
“Really?” The guy turned back to Nina. “You worth that much?”  
“More than you, for sure.”  
“So, you releasing her or not?” Yuri growled.  
“Not... But you can join her.” The third guy tried to catch the blonde skater, but he stepped away gracefully and kicked the guy so hard in the stomach, he collapsed to the floor. Yuri stepped on his neck and gave it more and more pressure.  
“I’m sure he is going to seriously ruin something there – Nina didn’t bother to say that she is thinking Yuri is going to snap or damage the other’s larynx, because she was sure they wouldn’t understand... They seemed like they would have problems with ‘snap’ and ‘damage’ to start with... – so you better do as he says.”  
“Or, we can try who lasts longer.” The guy – who was holding Nina by the arms, released her right and grabbed her throat. “Hey, you little blonde shit, how do you like this? Seeing your golden girl choking?”  
“Don’t-call-him-like-that!” Nina breathed. She started to see colourful spots and felt funny. Oh, shit she is going to faint... She needs to do something... She was a left hander originally and was not much of a fighter anyway neither with her hands, but she gave it a chance. She knew enough from human anatomy already to land her punch with an ugly noise, and she knew she succeeded: she broke the guy’s noise. The teenager released her and before she could control herself, she fell onto the floor... straight onto her right foot. She didn’t have time to give into the pain; she stood up and turned to the third guy, who was still holding the boy.  
“So,” she asked on a hoarse voice “you want something to be broken? Or you can run away like a scared little girl with your friends.”  
The answer, - of course - was obvious.  
Nina leant against the wall and slid down to the floor, next to the boy who was collecting his stuff.  
“Are you all right?” He asked.  
“I’ve had worst. I’m Nina by the way.”  
“I know, you are Viktor Nikiforov’s younger sister. I’m writing my physics project from him.”  
“What?”  
“The physics of figure skating.”  
“That sounds-”  
“Idiotic?”  
“Not at all.” Nina shook her head. “As a skater, I’m genuinely interested. Can I see the finished work?”  
“Sure...” The boy seemed surprised, while Yuri just rolled his eyes and held out his hand to Nina.  
“Come. We need to go.”  
“What are you doing here anyway?” The boy asked.  
“Some teacher-parent-student shit...” Yuri shrugged.  
“I thought that ended hours ago.”  
“What, Nia, you arm is broken? Get up already!” The blonde skater asked because the girl was just staring at him. She was shocked about the gesture and by that Yuri used her nickname.   
“No, I was just-” She accepted the kindness and the other skater pulled her up from the floor. “Are you going to be all right?” She turned back to the boy.  
“Sure. It was really stupid from you to help me... But thank you.”  
“You shouldn’t let them terrorizing you.”  
“It doesn’t matter. I’m going to change schools after this year...”  
“Where are you going?”  
“The US.”  
“With your family?”  
“Alone. And I don’t mind it all.” The boy finished packing, wiped off some dried blood from his face and nodded to Nina and Yuri. “Thanks again.”  
“Wait!” The girl called after him. “What is your name? Just to know when you send me that stuff about figure skating.”  
“Maksim Dmitriev. You can call me Maks, if you wish. And by the way, we are classmates.”  
“Class...mates?” Yuri pulled his eyebrows. “He looks like he is thirteen, maximum.” He commented to Nina.  
“Maybe he is smart enough to go into a higher class.”  
“We really need to go back now.”  
“Sure...”  
Nina felt the strain in her foot already, but when she tried to step, she couldn’t put any weight on her right foot. She flinched and had to lean against the wall.  
“What now?” Yuri snapped.  
“I... fell on my foot and-”  
She didn’t need to continue, the other skater understood it perfectly. Having any kind of leg injury was all skaters’ worst nightmare.   
“Show me.”  
“Excuse me?”  
“Show. Me. Now.”  
Nina sat on the floor and took of her boot and sock. Her foot was already red and swollen and when she gently touched it, she flinched again. “Shit... But at least, it’s not my nose.” She gave Yuri a weak smile.  
“Nia-”  
“It’s probably nothing and gets better by tomorrow. I put some ice on it after I get home. Damn Viktor, where are you...?”  
“Nia, when I said earlier, he... That was... I didn’t really mean... You know...”  
“Yes... But I’m afraid, it’s true. In a way, at least.” Nina pulled back her sock and tried to force the boot back on her foot too. “Can you help me?”  
“Is it that necessary to put that thing back on?”  
“Yes...” Nina tried a few more times and gave up. “And as it seems you have to do it.”  
“WHAT?”  
“Just do it, goddman it!”   
“Okay...Okay... Ready?”   
Nina nodded and Yuri started to pull the boot back on. The girl had to bit into her lip to force back her voice.  
“Done.”   
“Thanks... Really.”  
“Come now.” Yuri wrapped an arm around Nina’s waist and helped her up. They started walking, but the girl was too slow, hissing at every step she took, so the blonde skater lost his patience after a few meters and stopped. “This is not working.” He released Nina for a moment and after, simply pulled her onto his back.  
“What the hell...?” The girl gasped.  
“You were a fucking idiot!” Yuri scolded her. “Nobody is worth that much! Nobody! What about your career? Your senior debut?”  
“I really don’t need this now, just saying.”  
“Shut up, or I threw you off.”  
Nina didn’t say anything for the rest of the way, but Yuri continued muttering under his breath. They went down the stairs – the toilets on their corridor were already closed so they had to walk up to the next floor – and the skater put the girl down.  
“If you didn’t want them to notice, you have to walk from here. Can you do it?”  
“I have to.”  
As soon as they turned on the corner, they ran into an old man, who smiled widely when he saw Yuri.  
“Yuratchka, I just wanted to go to look for you.”  
“Grandpa!” Yuri’s face transformed under a second. His stern look disappeared to give place to an angelic smile. He hugged his grandfather tightly and the old man tousled his hair.  
“And you, little one?” Nikolai turned to Nina. “Don’t tell me, you are...”  
“Hi.” Nina waved shyly to the old man.  
“Nichatka?”  
“Yes, it’s me.”  
Nikolai put his hand onto Nina’s head.   
“I watch you in news all the time. I’m really proud of you.”  
“Thanks... Is my brother here?”  
“Viktor? No, I didn’t see him yet.”  
Nina exchanged a look with Yuri.  
“Sorry, but we really need to start now.” Their teacher stood behind them. “Can we expect your brother any time soon?”  
“I’m sure he is going to be here.”  
“Well then...” The woman gestured toward the door.

“So, for the last, here are all the papers,” the teacher handed two envelopes to Nikolai and Nina “and a few words.”  
“We are still very grateful to have two of the most prestigious skaters in Russia between our walls. We are sure you have great futures ahead of you, and if you want to pursue any higher education in the future, any university would be happy to give you a sport scholarship, I tell you that now. Nina, I would suggest for you to go on with languages... You are excelling in English and you French teacher says you are showing great progress in her class too. You have someone to practice with?”  
“Sometimes...” Nina shrugged.  
“About the rest of your studies... You are at least average from everything, but your knowledge is very... selective. And you turned in an essay stating you hate Russian literature?”  
“It’s boring and I don’t like whining.”  
“Nina, you are Russian...”  
“Half-Russian... And still, our literature sucks. Except Bulgakov, he is great. But I wrote that in too.”  
Yuri could hardly hold back his laughter when he heard that.  
“Also,” the teacher continued “you are not really interested in biology, except the human body and genetics... But from that... You have such a vast knowledge which is too much, even for somebody two years above you.”   
“I find it useful to know that much from my body as possible... It helps with skating.”  
“Well, good... About you Yuri, you are in the bests of your year in mathematics and physics.”  
“Those are not hard at all. Just know the rules and they apply.” Yuri said accompanying his words with a shrug.  
“Maybe you could help Nina with studying sometimes.”  
Nina stiffed to these words. Yuri and she had a few good moments not so long ago, but that didn’t mean they were back to where they were.  
“I’m fine on my own, thanks.” She whispered.  
“Don’t be silly.” The teacher smiled at her. “I’m sure Yuri gladly helps you out... You are friends since such a long time...”  
“I look into that with Yuri’s coach.” Nikolai said silently. “Yuri and Nina have different training schedules.”  
“That’s all.” The teacher gave them her wildest smile since they met today. “Nina, I hope everything is okay with your brother.”  
“His training must have run long.” Nina muttered. He mouth was dry, because the woman’s words twisted her stomach into knots. She knew where her brother was, but she didn’t want to believe it.

“You want to stay here?” Nikolai asked.  
“Yes, he is going to come to pick me up.”  
“He said that? You talked on the phone?” The old man didn’t seem to buy the lie.  
“Come grandpa...” Yuri hurried him. “She’ll be alright.”  
“Okay, okay...”  
“Bye.” Nina waved to them and sat down to the last step of the entrance stairs. After Yuri and his grandfather sat into the old man’s similarly old car, she lowered her head to her knees and let out a few, painful sigh. Now not just her feet, her leg was throbbing, up until her thigh. She didn’t know how long she was sitting there but when she couldn’t feel her legs anymore from the cold, she finally gave up and ordered a taxi.

The way to her apartment was so painful; she had to take a break after every tenth step. She was resting on a bench in front of the entrance, when a car parked not so far from her. It was dark blue and shiny. She could recognize it from a hundred other... It was her brother’s.  
“Nina!” Viktor jumped out from the car and ran towards him. “I was at the school too before, and-”  
“And what? You were surprised it’s after ten o’clock in the evening and nobody was there?”  
“I’m-”  
“YOU FORGOT ME! How could you? HOW?” Nina jumped up from the bench, forgetting about her pain. “You wanted to be my legal guardian, but know what? That means responsibility! This time, you went too far... It’s not just about letting me down; this was a legal matter!” The girl ran her fingers through her hair. “You know what happens if you fail in being my ward? They are going to take me away from you! But know what? Here!” Nina threw the envelope in front of her brother. “You can read in it about something you are not interested at all: me...” After a sad chuckle, the girl continued. “I never really believed that you are as worse as the rest of them. But at least, they never contradicted themselves, like you, saying you love me and care about me, when you really don’t... They say they hate me and they act like that too.” Viktor couldn’t say anything just started at his sister. “You know how I felt, waiting for you? Like I was a kid again, and-” The girl couldn’t finish. It just hurt too much. All those memories from back then, when she was waiting for someone to take her to practice or collect her after, and nobody came, because nobody care... Everything flashed before her eyes. “Viktor I’m tired of this game. You are good at playing it because it’s yours, but I don’t understand the rules and I don’t want to be a part of it, so I’m done. Decide now: you want to be the part of my life, or don’t. If you want, fuckin act like it, if you don’t, you know where the door is, walk out, but don’t halfass it anymore, because it maybe doesn’t bother you, but it hurts me more than what I can take...” When her brother opened his mouth, Nina held up her hands. “No, don’t answer now. Go home and think trough it. I’m serious now Viktor.” The girl sat back to the bench, not caring about her brother anymore.  
The older Nikiforov leant down, picked up the envelope and the swiped off the dirt from it, than tore the top off and pulled out a bunch of papers. He read it in silence for a while, than when he reached the fourth page, he gasped.  
“You turned in an essay stating you hate Russian literature?”  
“Bulgakov, I wrote in that I love Bulgakov.” Nina let out a ragged sigh. “Why everyone misses to point that out?”  
“I feel really sorry for your teachers.”  
“Because they are teaching somebody who has an opinion? Such a bad thing to do...”  
“Ninachka...” Viktor stuffed the papers back into the envelope and stepped to his sister and looked down to her. “I know what I did today was horrible and I have no excuse. I did really forget this appointment and I can’t even begin to think how this makes you feel...”  
“At least, that is right.”  
“Are you really that angry?”  
“YES! Viktor this is not something from what you can sweet talk out yourself! Just go home and leave me alone!”  
“When will we talk again?”  
“I don’t know! Tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, next week, next year, never... I just know that I really don’t want to continue what is going on now.”  
“Me being your brother?”  
“You being my IDIOT, HALFASSING, SELF ABSORBED, IGNORANT SON OF A BITCH brother!”  
“And what about you?” Viktor snapped back. “You are moody, rude, cold and condescending all the time!”  
“Why is that surprising? You should be happy I don’t do drugs or alcohol, or I didn’t try to kill myself yet!”  
“NINA!” Viktor grabbed his sister’s shoulders, pulled her up from the bench, didn’t caring about the girl’s painful moan. “Have you ever thought about that? ANSWER ME!”  
“Are you out of your fucking mind? Of course not!” Nina pushed her brother a few steps farer from herself.  
“But you said-”  
“That between the teenagers who have similar, troubled family background as me, there is a lot higher ratio of crime, substance abuse, alcoholism and suicide attempts? It’s a fact Viktor. But, I have figure skating. Hella sure, I’m not going to throw away my promising career!”  
“You scared me! Why do you have to be so clever?”  
“It’s mainly that you are an idiot, how many times I have to tell you?”  
“Why do you have to be so cruel? You always threw all my mistakes into my face, facts or imagined!”  
“Because you make nothing, but mistakes! This night proves it too.”  
“It didn’t pop into your mind that you have a phone and you know my number? You could at least call me!”  
“It’s not my job to keep your appointments in my head; I’m not your secretary! I’m your sister, I’m fourteen, so it’s hardly my task to chaperone a grown up twenty seven years old!”  
Victor spread his arms.  
“Well, you are the family’s brain, so...”  
Nina wanted to retort, but in that moment, her phone beeped. She yanked her phone out from her jacket and looked at it.  
“What the hell?” She muttered. It was a text from a number she didn’t recognize.  
???: How is your foot?  
NIA: Who is this?  
???: Are you kidding?  
NIA: No, really... I don’t know this number.  
???: So, many people know you fell onto your right foot, because you are a moron?  
NIA: Yuri?  
???: No, it’s Jesus Christ.  
NIA: You are not funny.  
YURA: So?  
NIA: Hurts af and idk how it looks, I didn’t check it yet.  
YURA: ???  
NIA: My brother. Write you later.  
“You really think this is the time for texting?” Viktor asked on an annoyed voice.  
“I’m finished with you.” Nina didn’t look up from the screen. “Off you go.”  
“If I annoy you that much, why don’t you go inside and leave me? We are in front of your building.”  
“Off –you-go.” The girl repeated.  
“Nina... What do you try to hide from me?” Viktor became suspicious and worried under a moment. “And with who are you texting?”  
“Nothing and nobody.”  
“God, you are so aloof most of the times...”  
“I’m not aloof! I’m just not sharing every moment of my life with anybody, parading it around like a -” Nina stopped for a moment seeing her brother’s look. “aaand that was aloof.”  
“Exactly.” He agreed and crossed his arms in front of him.   
Nina looked at his brother as he was standing there, not quite sure what to do or say... She knew exactly Viktor would never dump her on purpose, but he did it every single time... And with every occasion, it became more and more hurtful... But he was family, like Aleksandar pointed out to her earlier... And Viktor was the one who always stood beside her when things got rough back then, at ‘home’...  
“Okay, come here.” He ordered her brother. She knew he is going to hurt her again, he always did it, but maybe that was meant for the two of them... And she couldn’t stay away from him. He was the first thing between her memories what was nice, pure, not corrupted by the terrors of her life. He gave her ice skating, he gave her something what she could live for... Maybe that was why every time he did something what upset her, she felt like she is betrayed.  
“Why...?” Viktor seemed even more confused.  
“Just do it already.”  
“And what now?” Viktor stepped in front of Nina.  
Instead of answering, the girl hugged her brother tightly. “You are horrible.” She whispered.   
“You are quite a handful too, Ninachka.” Viktor gently ran his fingers through his sister’s raven hair, after he got trough the shock. He expected everything, but this. He would be least surprised if his sister would punch him in the face... Which would be very painful, as he knew exactly how she can hit somebody. When Viktor – who was never violent himself, but felt he has to teach Nina how to protect herself - tried to show her how to threw a basic punch, the girl just rolled her eyes and told him she knows exactly how to do it, because she put it together from her biology and physics knowledge. And when he opposed, she demonstrated on him to prove her point. God, that was one of his most painful nights... But Nina stayed over and looked after him, she even insisted to go to the hospital to check if his nose is broken or not (it wasn’t). His sister felt so ashamed, she nearly cried, and at the end, he had to comfort her, reassuring the girl, everything is all right.  
“I know... But I resemble to you the most from the family...” Nina released Viktor. “And for the record, I’m still mad at you.” The girl stood onto tiptoes and pulled down her brother to make their faces to be on the same level, and kissed his cheek. “Go home, we talk-”  
“Maybe never?”  
“Tomorrow.”  
“And you?”  
“I’ll stay a little longer...” Nina waved toward the bench. “I have a text conversation to finish.”  
“Ninachka, it’s late and you wake up so early tomorrow...”  
“Don’t worry, just go.”


	5. V.

"The heart is resilient, I mean literally. When a body is burned, the heart is the last organ to oxidize. While the rest of the body can catch flame like a polyester sheet on campfire, it takes hours to burn the heart to ash." - Ibi Kaslik

It seemed forever to Nina to pull down her boot, just after an another forever to get into her apartment when Viktor couldn’t see her anymore. Her foot now was not just red and swollen, but purple and blue colours started to bloom on it.  
“Perfect.” Nina hissed. “Wonderful.” She jumped into the kitchen on one foot to get some ice, a glass of water and her first aid box, after into her bedroom, where she put up her foot up to the top of a pile of pillows and tossed the ice on it, but first, she took a picture of it and sent it to Yuri.  
NIA: Looks ugly af too.  
YURA: That sucks.  
NIA: Thx for cheering me up, u are a real friend.  
YURA: I’m not your friend. But if I would be, I would say the same.  
NIA: Yes, I know...  
YURA: So what now?  
NIA: Ice and meds. And if it still looks ugly af in the morning...  
YURA: You go to a hospital?  
NIA: Hell no... But I will cry.  
YURA: Sounds like a plan.  
NIA: Shut the fuck up.  
YURA: You are a disaster, Nia. And you need to cancel your applications to some of the competitions...  
NIA: I would die first. Literally.  
YURA: What flower you wish on your gravestone?  
NIA: Freesias.  
YURA: Those are freakin expensive, yk. You get some carnations and be happy for it.  
NIA: You want to be cheap on my funeral? Shame on you, Yuri Plisestky.  
YURA: IDC you won’t be able to complain once you are dead.  
NIA: That was just gross.  
YURA: DGAF  
NIA: Why did you do it?  
YURA: What?  
NIA: Helping me.  
YURA: I hate you less than those guys.  
NIA: Thanks.  
YURA: Fuck off and go to sleep already.  
NIA: K... good night.  
As an answer, Yuri sent a picture taken of his middle finger. Nina chuckled and took two her painkillers, swallowing them. She set the empty glass to the nightstand and looked through the white box. It was full with pills, bandages and different creams, sprays and gels. Zakhar gave her a variety of the strongest painkillers and now, the girl was thankful for them. She searched for the lidocaine spray when she found a smaller white box on the bottom. She always forgot it’s there because she never really cared about it, but know she had nothing better to do, so she opened it curiously. There were needles in it and a few ampoules, so Nina took out one to see the description. It was lidocaine mixed with epinephrine... She was sure this wasn’t supposed to be there, as this mix was used to numb the pain and reduce bleeding, meaning it was not a toy for home use, but she could saw why her coach thought it’s going to be useful... And it was just what she needed now. She took out the painkillers, some bandages with the small white box, and after she found the spray too, she closed the bigger container and set it next to the bed. Her pills started to kick in, she hardly had the strength to kick the ice of off her feet and pull the blanket on herself... She didn’t shower, she didn’t change, she didn’t turn the lights off, just fell asleep, and since a long time, she didn’t have any nightmares at all.

She woke up so groggily she could never imagine herself to be. Her foot was still throbbing and it looked even worse than yesterday. She experimented with putting some weight on it, but it was a failed project even before she started.  
“Well, shit.” The girl summarized the events.  
She didn’t go running at dawn – she was not THAT idiot – but she couldn’t cancel her ballet class, so she sprayed a good amount of lidocaine onto her foot and prayed it lasts long enough to not make her die.

“That was beautiful Gabriel... Nina, let us see your [Giselle variation](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xXhET4s6E6A) a few times, before [Romeo and Juliet](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a04IcHI1fFQ).” Her ballet mistress called out.  
‘Fuck.’ Nina thought, but she only smiled and nodded. “Can I take a sip of water?”  
“Sure, do it.”  
“Thanks.”  
The girl went to her bag and turned away so nobody could see her. It was her teacher, the pianist and her partner were there. She had several ballet classes, most of them on her own, some with the other dancers in the studio and one duo, with the newest protégé, soon-to-be-the-Bolshoi’s-star dancer, Gabriel Lucas, a tall, blonde half French-half American (with sparkling grey eyes and so symmetrical features it hurt), whose grandparents emigrated from the late Soviet Union to the United States with their two children. Gabriel’s father - the third kid, who also was an acclaimed ballet dancer in his time changed his Russian sounding surname to ‘Lucas’ to be more acceptable - was born in the US and took a French pianist as his wife, whom he met on a company tour. Gabriel himself was born in the US too, but as he showed a great talent in ballet early, he was accepted to the Vaganova Academy and moved to Russia, still having some living relatives there. He learnt some Russian from his grandparents, but sometimes Nina sometimes still had to correct his mistakes and in return, Gabriel practiced French with her (what he took from home with him just as his English knowledge). Nina already took a painkiller, but the situation called for the next one... Or even three more. After she went to the centre and took position, she nodded to the pianist. The music started and the girl took a deep breath. She let her mind wander away to her happy place and made just her muscles do the job what they had to. It was still like if somebody would stab her foot with every inch she moved, but she could manage, gritting her teeth together, going on, doesn’t matter how she felt.  
“Good.” The ballet mistress nodded. “You still look a little bit tired though; do you want to take a break?  
“I’m fine.” Nina shot a short glance in the mirror which covered half of the room’s walls. She was wearing a light pink, sleeveless leotard with high neck and a cut off back, even though her skin was covered with a long sleeved bolero in the same colour as the leotard, white ballet tights, a skirt which was no more than a ruffed edged piece of flowing fabric, almost completely sheer - to make it possible to see her legwork - and falling under her knees, ending in the middle of her calves, paired with her usual type of legwarmers now in a charcoal grey colour, running up from her ankles to the end of her legs. Her warm up jacket – part of the formal wear of the Winter Youth Olympics, a red-white zipper with the Olympics’ logo on the back, the Russian flag on the right and the Russian crest on the left sleeve, with a big, white 'RU' being tapered across the chest – was on the floor next to her stuff. She was dressed as usual, but looked like someone who just got out from a severe cold, even though, for her luck, nothing implied she is screaming and crying internally from the pain in her foot.  
“Sure?”  
“Yes...”  
“Then, let’s see it again.”  
‘Why I’m such an idiot...?’ Nina asked herself.  
“Sorry, Ma’am,” Gabriel cut in “but I have to go a little bit earlier today, can we start with the balcony scene? If it’s not a problem...”  
“Not at all. Nina?”  
“I’m ready.”

It was always like that when they had a duo class: barre, centre, one of their solo performances for a few times and after, their duo dance, over and over again... Nina was never so thankful for they chose this, because the ‘main work’ was Gabriel’s, as the choreography included many lifts, and Nina personally always thought it’s a way more harder to lift somebody, than to be lifted. Gabriel was the ‘perfect partner’ and they found the mutual voice easy, making it much easier to work together. It was really a treat to dance with him and if Nina’s ballet mistress - Irina Chkova - wouldn’t be one of the Bolshoi’s favourite retired prima and it wouldn’t be an open secret that the Vaganova Academy tries to win Nina over from figure skating, she would not have the chance to dance with Gabriel. People often asked why she is taking so many dance classes beside the compulsory ones for skating when she doesn’t wants to be a dancer, and she always answered because she enjoys it, also, she has to pass the time with something anyway, so why wouldn’t it be dancing, which also helps out her ice skating career... One could say it was her ‘hobby,’ even though Nina’s personality and upbringing didn’t let her do anything ‘just like that’... She had to be one of the best in everything what she did, and she usually excelled, never giving a second thought about that it narrows her possibilities down when it comes about other activities... Maybe she could learn to play on an instrument, how to knit, how to play chess properly – she was a very sloppy player, sometimes trying to bend the rules on her own will – or how to sew with a machine... But she only knew how to ice skate, dance and cook – thanks to Viktor, even though she was nowhere near his brother’s chef skills. She could swim ‘normally’, but it was nothing special and she could stay on a horse for a pretty amount of time, even though her riding lessons didn’t last long due to her other practices and the fact her coach technically refused her to do anything which involved even the slightest opportunity of an injury. People usually were surprised when she told them she doesn’t knows how to ski or snowboard, like if it would be obligatory because she lived in a country which always had a lot of snow, and she never cared to explain that Viktor tried to teach her skiing when she was little, but his attempts were cut short after Nina slid straight into a tree, got a concussion and Zakhar yelled with both of them for a whole day...

If there was one ‘benefit’ of her injury, it was that thanks to the painkillers she couldn’t even feel the pain even though she got one of the most cruellest beating from Zakhar, missing two days in a row. She learnt when she was a little child that if she surrounds he finishes it earlier, so she usually just tried to keep a poker face and pretend the kicks and punches are nothing.  
“And now,” Zakhar wiped his hands into his pants “get out to that fuckin ice and show me the reason why I’m still here and not finished with you.”  
Nina nodded and silently walked out from the locker-room, knowing it was a good choice for today to wear all black – fitted pants, a sleeveless top, gloves and a long sleeve... She was sure some of her bruises are more like scars and started bleeding already...

“How is she doing it?” Mila sighed and rested her chin onto her arms while she was watching Nina skating on the other side of the rink.  
“What, skating?” Yuri – who was standing next to her leaning against the parallel bars – gave her a cold look. “You can do it too, remember?”  
“I mean how graceful she is... I saw a ballet last week, and the title made me think about you...”  
“Les Sylphides?” Georgi joined them. “I saw it too.”  
“What do you mean by me and her?” Yuri demanded.  
“A sylph is a fairy of the air.” Georgi turned to his younger rink mate.  
“And?”  
“You are both like little fairies...” Mila tousled Yuri’s hair.  
“I’m not a fairy!” The blond Russian shouted and pushed the girl’s hand away.  
Every head turned to them for a moment; even Nina stopped and shot a quick glance toward the other skaters, but than her coach yelled at her on Belarusian and she started to slide again.  
“It’s not fair that they are both so good.” Mila was now following Viktor, who was skating with the same grace as his younger sister. If nothing else, their movements would tell they are related. “At least one of them could be a little bit bad...”  
“You are between the top five skaters, so shut the fuck up!” Yuri growled and stepped back to the ice.  
“Come, we need to go too.” Georgi waved to Mila. “If Yakov sees us slacking again, he is going to tear our head off.”

Nina saw white and red circles from the pain as she jumped again and again. She tried to use her other leg, - she could jump from both, clockwise and counter clockwise too – but it had no real effect, especially because Zakhar continually shouted at her to how to do her jumps.  
“Triple Salchow with two double Toe loops!” The new order arrived. “And use your goddamn right leg!”  
Somewhere under the pain, annoyance boiled up in Nina. A double jump? Really? A double? Why wasting her time on something like that? She is dying here and for what? Doubles?  
She landed the Salchow and the first Toe loop perfectly, mostly from anger, but when her blade touched the ice after the third jump, she felt it’s not going to be all right... at all.

The ice rink fell silent for a moment and the voices of gasps came from every direction when they saw Nina hitting the ice like a rock and staying down... Nina Nikiforov, the perfect skater envied by almost half the world for her talent and relation to her brother, Russia’s national treasure, tumbling down from a double jump like a green novice...  
Nina herself couldn’t decide what hurts more: the pain in her foot or the shame what she felt over that everybody saw her falling like a beginner on its first big competition. She tried to sit up, but she couldn’t. She used all her energy for today, trying to keep up the facade of everything is all right, so she just laid there grabbing her right skate, trying to ease the pain with taking slow, deep breaths... One in, keeping it down, slowly out... Two in, keeping it down, slowly out... Three in, keeping it do-  
“NINA!” She heard a terrified shout.  
Oh shit, she forgot that her brother is here today, at the same time like she...  
“Nina! Nina! Nina!” Viktor repeated her name again and again, as he knelt down next to his sister and gently touched her shoulder. “Can you hear me?”  
“Of course, I’m not deaf...” The girl slowly opened her eyes. There were a lot of faces above her; Viktor, Mila, Georgi, even Yuri skated to her to see what’s happened and it was written onto his face, what he thinks: ‘you are a moron’, but beside that, she could catch a glimpse of worry. Yuri was rude and standoffish, yes, but he was not so cruel to wish any other skater a serious injury...  
“Ninachka...” Viktor’s hands were shaking as he tried to do something. Nina reached out with one hand and put it on her brother’s.  
“I’m alright.” Okay, so until she not needs to move her leg, it’s quite okay...  
“Can you... move?”  
“I can... But I prefer not to.”  
“What hurts? Your knee? Your back?”  
“It really looked that bad? I mean how I fell...”  
“Terrible to me.”  
“Oh, God...” Nina released Viktor and covered her face with her hands. “Please let me die here.”  
“She is all right.” Yuri snarled. “She just feels embarrassed because of what happened... and she is right... Like someone who never jumped before... Pathetic.”  
“YURI! Don’t say such hor-”  
“Leave him be.” Nina slowly sat up, feeling that her whole face is burning. “I said already, I’m fine.”  
“But... you... sure?” Viktor hesitated. “You seemed like somebody who is in pain...”  
“Messing up a double jump IS a pain.”  
“I can backup that.” Yuri agreed but his eyes said ‘You own me a lot for saving your sorry ass’.  
“Did you get all the attention you wanted?” Zakhar’s face appeared between the others.  
“I-”  
“Then pull yourself together!”  
“Yes, coach.” Nina wiped off the icy mush from her clothes thinking about how she could get up without showing everyone she is injured, when Yuri grabbed her arm and roughly pulled her up from the ice.  
“The show is over; everybody wants to go back to skate, finish this bullshit and act normal!”  
Nina almost lost her balance but at the end, she was able to stand straight, pretending she is on both of her feet, but she didn’t put any wait on the right at all.  
Of course, Zakhar, who knew her better than anyone spotted that out, knotting her eyebrows. The girl looked down to her feet than back to her coach and shook her head a little, stating ‘I can’t continue’. The people scattered back to their places on the ice, only Viktor left lingering in the background, still worried.  
“Okay,” Zakhar clapped “as you were so kind to mess up a fuckin double one day before we leave to a competition, let’s wrap it up for today... I can’t see you fucking up even the smallest things anymore.”  
“Yes, coach, sorry coach.”  
“Don’t ‘sorry’ for me, just get out from the fuckin ice!” Zakhar pushed Nina so violently she nearly felt onto her nose, but it gave her the ‘perfect excuse’ – perfect for anyone who didn’t know she skates as naturally as she walks – to leave the rink in a not so ladylike manner...  
“Sit.” Zakhar ordered as soon as she stepped out to the floor and Nina obeyed immediately, taking a seat on the nearest spot.  
“What the hell was that?” The Belarusian man hissed and the girl’s blood froze in her veins. For her luck, nobody around them spoke the same language so it was ‘safe’ to talk.  
“I injured my right foot earlier. I thought it’s nothing, but it became worse and worse...”  
“Can you walk?”  
“I can try...”  
“What’s wrong with you? There is a competition on us and you... I just... I can’t even...”  
“Its fine, I’m participating.”  
“That was the least I expected.”  
“Can you take a look at it?”  
“Your foot?” Zakhar looked around. “Not here. Where is your stuff?”  
“There...” Nina nodded to a farer bench.  
After Zakhar collected her bag and shoes, he came back and threw the sneakers in front of the girl.  
“Change. I take you home.”  
The last three words make no sense to Nina. She just stared to her coach, until the man got enough and snapped his fingers in front of her.  
“Hey! What now, you hit your head too and became an imbecile?”  
“No! No... I’m sorry.”  
“You really hit your head and became a parrot... ‘Sorry, sorry, sorry...’ I don’t need that. Move!”  
“Yes.”  
Nina loosened her right sneaker to make it easier to step into it, pulled out the laces from her right skate and painfully shoved it off from her feet. She dropped it and pulled the shoe on immediately, to not let anyone accidentally see the bruises trough the thin, nude coloured nylon socks what she was wearing. She was finished with her left foot in no time, and put the skates into the bag.  
“Can you walk NOW?” Zakhar snarled at her.  
“Just don’t go to fast.”  
“You are such a pain.”  
“And I’m you golden girl, don’t forget that.”  
“But if this injury turns you into a silver girl...”  
“It won’t.”  
“I love that kind of talk.”  
“I had a good teacher.”  
“So now you are complimenting me?”  
“Facts are facts... You taught me very well how to demand victory and how to get it too. I have no regrets in that.”  
“And in everything else?” Zakhar opened his car. It was a sleek, black Ford Mustang, with only two seats. It was not for somebody who leads a family, or a responsible life... Since she knew her mind, Nina was in love with this car, but she never though she can actually sit in it one day. Her coach dropped her bag into her lap and then went around a sat in on the driver’s side.  
“It’s your lucky day, that you are not bleeding or I didn’t let you come anywhere near this beauty.” Zakhar started the car and drove out from the parking lot into the traffic.  
“Don’t worry; I’d bleed to death first than straining it... Oh, by the way, if you die, I want to inherit it.”  
“Stay my golden girl and we can look into it. Or you could buy one for yourself.”  
“It’s better waiting for this, because when I get it that means you are finally gone.”  
“Touché. Then, just wait.”  
Nina smirked and looked out on the window.

After they arrived to her building, Zakhar parked the car and took Nina’s bag.  
“Get out and show me the way.”  
“And they say chivalry is dead...”  
When they were in the elevator and Nina pressed her floor’s button, Zakhar rolled his eyes.  
“Couldn’t you have something on the ground floor?”  
“Never... I don’t have a death wish.”  
“This is one of the finest neighbourhoods.”  
“What means we have plenty of stuff what can be stolen from us.”  
“Sharp.”  
“But not that sharp.” Nina looked down at her foot.  
“How it happened?”  
“That’s my business.”  
“Nina...”  
“I said, MY BUSINESS!”  
“Okay, I give you that. But how could you pull it out by this time?”  
“Yuri was there when it happened.” Nina answered unwillingly, but if she would totally seal her lips in the matter, Zakhar would drive her crazy until she spills every little detail, so it seemed better to give him some crumbs and let him digesting those.  
“Plisestky?” The many raised an eyebrow. “Interesting.”  
“Not that much.”  
“Are you back together?”  
“We were never together... And no.” The elevator stopped. “Apartment four, at the end of the corridor.” Nina half walking, half jumping, made her way to the door and opened it.  
Zakhar took a quick look around when they were in, and ordered the girl to the couch in the other side of the living room.  
“Sit. Now show me your foot.”  
Nina obeyed and pulled her sock down. Her foot looked...  
“That is disgusting...” Zakhar commented. “Especially because you have a dancer’s foot.”  
“That is not ugly at all.” Nina freed her other foot from the sock too, and looked at it. It was like anyone’s who was dancing in pointe shoes since years, it was natural to her.  
“No, but when it’s swollen, it looks a way more worse.”  
“Thank you, fuck you.” Nina commented before she could stop herself. She was tired, anxious, hurt and had enough from everything for one day.  
A sharp, dark grin appeared on Zakhar’s bloodless lips.  
“Watch it, angel, or you can regret it.”  
“What are you going to do? Hit me?” The girl pretended for a moment, she is thinking. “Oh, wait, that’s happened already. Please, move on to your next threat.” She put on a brave face even though she knew exactly she is dancing on thin ice, but God, she was hella good skater.  
“I’m coming from a long line of military officers.” Zakhar sat down next to Nina and took her leg into his lap, starting to examine her foot. “One of my favourite siblings in my childhood was a former army doctor... He was kind of the head of the family; I was even named after him... Everybody called him ‘Uncle Zakhar’, so do I, but he was not my uncle... He was a way older; I don’t even know old he was. He taught me lots of tricks about how to treat injuries fast and efficiently on the battlefield where you have no time for fooling around or you die too... I personally enjoy your sharp tongue most of the times, but if he would hear you talking back to me like that, you wouldn’t go to near any competition in the next few months, after what you would get...”  
“First hand experiment?” Nina never heard her coach talking about his past before...  
“Yes. He never cared about that I don’t want to join the army, but he made sure what I’m doing is done with that great discipline which is required there. Because you can only survive in this life if you are made of iron and show no remorse. Make them see even the slightest weakness and they tear you to shreds... You know what did he say to do when you find somebody on the field who you can’t help? Snap their necks. Or shot them in the head. Show no mercy to the weak.”  
Nina gasped. “Your own comrades? Kill them?”  
“You’d rather lay on the ground in the middle of a battle, waiting for your death to come, because if you are left behind there it means your death comes sooner or later, or would you choose a clean, almost painless way?”  
“I would want to live...” The girl muttered.  
“Even without an arm? Or a leg? Being half blind? Deaf?”  
“I-”  
“This is a weakness.” Zakhar put his hand onto Nina’s foot, making the girl shiver with pain. “We look into what we can do with it, but if you proven to be too weak to continue... You know, right?”  
The raven haired girl nodded and swallowed a big. She tried to feel sure about that her coach would never do anything what he implied, but her heart was beating anxiously.  
“Then, I show you an army trick.”  
Zakhar grabbed Nina’s foot with both of his hands and started to move it while he pushed it on different spots. The girl bit into her lip to hold back her scream. It felt like hell.  
“I see, I see...” Zakhar muttered, mostly to himself. “Here and here, what means... Nina, how could you fell like this? Were you hanged up somewhere or what?”  
Nina couldn’t answer just shook her head. The man squeezed her foot and this time, she actually screamed. Zakhar twisted her foot from side to side and made small circles with it, didn’t caring about Nina’s screams. The girl was half blind from the pain, and she couldn’t even hear her own screams because her ears were ringing. The feeling was unbearable and it didn’t want to stop, it just became worse and worse... She thought she heard a crack in her foot and Zakhar saying “One.” The next wave of pain was even worse, the dancing spots in front of her eyes grew bigger and bigger and she couldn’t even scream anymore just waited for something to end the pain, anything... “And two.” This time the crack was louder and almost immediately, a third followed. It took almost a minute to Nina to realize Zakhar released her and he is not even sitting on the couch anymore.  
“Stretch yourself out.” She heard and had to realize she is curved into a shaking, gasping and crying ball, grasping the pillow next to her. She slowly rolled to her back, doing as she was told, and Zakhar put some ice on her foot. “Drink this.” The light blue liquid in the bottle told Nina her coach is holding one of her sport drinks. She hated the unnatural taste of those. “Now, not tomorrow!” The man growled when his skater didn’t move. After a second shout, Nina slowly fought herself into a half sitting position, took the bottle and started to gulp down the drink in small sips.  
“Good.” Zakhar watched how she was drinking. “Your foot will be all right. More or less. Of course it’s going to hurt very much for a time, but you deserve it.”  
“What did you do to it exactly?”  
“Family secret.” Zakhar grinned and gave a small paper to Nina. “Tomorrow morning, go to the store on this address, it opens at seven, and buy the stuff I listed. Leave out your run and your ballet class too; instead, we meet at the ice rink at ten. You won me for the whole day. Drink two more of these bottles and eat something. I saw you have some kind of fish in the fridge; eat half now, half tomorrow, with the scampi. Clear?”  
“Yes coach.”  
“Leave the ice on your foot for a time, go take a shower, put it back while you eat and go to sleep.”  
“Yes coach...”

Nina hissed as she put her foot into the water. It had a strange lilac-green-red colour and smelled funny. The description said it contained salts with herbs, minerals and some sort of medical stuff, and it sting like hell. She had to soak her foot in it for ten-fifteen minutes, so she had time to finish breakfast and while she waited some more, she also sent a picture of the water to Yuri.  
YURA: Tha fuck is that?  
NIA: IDK Zakhar made me buy it... It supposed to help with the pain and the swelling.  
YURA: It looks like your foot is on drugs.  
NIA: Kind of... I think.  
YURA: How is it?  
NIA: My foot? Looks uglier and uglier with every fuckin minute... But it’s not broken or anything.  
YURA: You have the devil’s luck.  
NIA: As expected. I mean, I sold my soul to it and everything, so that’s the minimum...  
YURA: And whose face the devil has in rl?  
NIA: Zakhar.  
YURA: Seems legit. That guy is creepy af.  
NIA: And a sociopath. No joke. His family is a long line of creeps to.  
YURA: Why are you with him?  
NIA: He makes me the best.  
YURA: Your funeral.  
NIA: Exactly. And don’t forget: freesias.  
YURA: Tell the devil to pay for them, because I won’t. And I also won’t get your ass out of trouble anymore.  
NIA: Sure. And thx. Again.  
YURA: I don’t need your gratitude.  
NIA: Would you like some freesias instead?  
YURA: Hell no.  
NIA: Roses?  
NIA: Lilies?  
NIA: Chocolate box?  
YURA: Just stop writing to me.  
Nina was typing the answer, when she got a new text, this time, from Aleksandar.  
ALEK: I heard what happened yesterday. Are you all right?  
NI: Mortified.  
ALEK: Don’t worry, it was just jump.  
NI: A DOUBLE! AND BEFORE A COMPETETION! AND PEOPLE SAW IT!  
ALEK: Okay, okay, calm down... Oh, we go to cheer for you in Hungary.  
NI: What? Who?  
ALEK: We, the band. They are coming to Russia anyway, so they take a little break on their way to watch you.  
ALEK: Ni?  
NI: It’s fine, cool, I just had to collect my stuff and I’m on my way to the ice rink.  
ALEK: You are a terrible liar, even trough texts.  
Nina was slowly chewing her fork as she was thinking. Does she needs to tell everything to Alek, or not... They were skating together, but... BUT they are skating together.  
NI: It’s not about them... Long story. I tell you when we meet.  
ALEK: I knew something was wrong...  
NI: Your older brother instinct?  
ALEK: No, my, it’s-impossible-for-you-to-mess-up-a-double-jump-like-that instinct was it this time.  
NI: Oh. You think everybody sees it like that too?  
ALEK: Just the ones who ever saw you skating.  
NI: Well... fuck. But I really have to go no now.  
ALEK: Just don’t mess up any more simple jumps.  
ALEK: Please.  
NI: K.

Nina slowly packed her things into her suitcase, thanking for her organise loving nature that she always kept her stuff together, not everywhere in the flat. Her sport bag was already by the door of course, she did this one for her upcoming travel. She was putting her hair dryer and a plus towel in – one could never know and she hated hotel towels anyway – when somebody rang the doorbell. The girl raised an eyebrow. She didn’t expect anyone today, – or usually on any day, especially because Viktor had his own key, and he was never the flag waver of letting people know in advance he is coming... Nina once nearly got a heart attack when she got home, tuned on the lights and found him sitting on her couch – and first thought she just let it be and doesn’t answer the ring, but her phone buzzed, – she turned the sound off after she finished texting – letting her now in a message, that Aleksandar is in front of her door.  
“Alek,” Nina opened the door surprised “what are you doing here?”  
“I was worried, so I came to check upon you.”  
“How did you know I’m at home?”  
“Didn’t I tell you, you are a terrible liar?”  
“People usually buy my lies.”  
“Because they want to... Will you let me in, or I have to stand on your doormat for eternity?”  
“Oh, sorry, sure, come.” Nina jumped back on one foot, what made the young Bulgarian man frown.  
“So this is the long story...”  
“Yes.”  
“Do you need some help?”  
“No, it’s fine.”  
“Yes, it seems like that.”  
“Shut up.” Nina led Aleksandar into her bedroom and sat on the bed. “I show you, but as a preposition: it’s horrible.” She slowly took off her boot, – she was wearing one pair of her warm up booties, when she was near to a competition, she always had them on every time except when she was skating, dancing, or going somewhere – and let the other skater see the purple-green-blue mess what was supposed to be her foot. Aleksandar gasped and for a moment, he couldn’t say anything just stared.  
“Ni...” He whispered. “What happened?”  
“School.”  
“School?” Aleksandar echoed, and sat down to the carpet.  
“There was a bunch of assholes who bullied a younger kid... I couldn’t let them. I know it was not the idea of the century.” Nina shrugged.  
“No the idea of the...what? And what if they would... Ni... how you could even...” Aleksandar was so angry and shocked at the same time, he couldn’t even tell what he was really thinking.  
“Whoa, slowly tiger, it could turn out a way worse.”  
“Really? And how?”  
“It’s not broken.”  
“Wow, I feel reassured now.”  
“Alek, this is my foot, my injury so don’t be more worked up than me, if I may ask.”  
“No, you may not! And what about your competition? You still want to go? That’s crazy, you have to withdraw and-”  
“NO.”  
“Ni, you can hardly walk, there is no way you can step o the ice like this!”  
“Alek, I told you this because I trust you, please don’t make me regret it.”  
The young man ran his fingers through his hair and let out an angry sigh.  
“Okay... But I still think this is crazy, and if you get any more serious injuries, you deserve them.”  
“I know.” Nina turned down her head and hid behind the shining locks. “But I have to compete. If I won’t, that would be the same as accepting defeat. And I can’t be defeated.”


	6. VI.

“It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious.” — Oscar Wilde, Lady Windermere's fan

“You are fuckin kidding.” Yuri growled when he saw Nina sitting in the seat of the airplane, next to the window.  
“What?” The girl asked. “You expected me to go on foot or something?”  
“Why is your seat is next to mine?”  
“Because my ticket said this is my seat number.”  
“Fuckin economy class...” The blonde Russian snorted.  
“Tell me about it.” Nina nodded in agreement. “Cheap ass sponsors.”  
“You should be happy for that you even get anything.” Yakov scolded them.  
“If we would be some third class skaters, I would agree... But we are on the top, so they expect us to win gold ,like, on every other competition, and yet they give us this?” Nina spread her arms. “I could buy myself a first class ticket if I’d wish from my money, and that wouldn’t be for the fuckin dawn... We are going to Hungary not goddamn Australia!”  
“But we don’t want to hurt the sponsors, right, angel?” Zakhar said on a sweet, dark voice which reminded the girl to poisoned honey.   
Yuri shivered with a grimace, and sat down just to get out the tall man’s way.  
“Yes.” Nina agreed unwillingly.  
“Then stop whining and do something productive. Did you check all the other competitors in your group like I told you?”  
“Why? I know all of them, if they didn’t stand a chance till this time, why would they start now?”  
“Every occasion is different, angel...”  
“Good to hear you believe in me so firmly, coach.”  
“You know what I’m talking about.”  
Yuri exchanged a meaningful look with Nina and the girl gave up with shrug. She dragged her tablet out from her bag and started tapping on it. Yuri put on his headphones and closed his eyes, but suddenly felt a weight change on his left side. He slightly opened his eyes and had to realize, a very old woman is sitting next to him. She seemed that strict type who never misses a chance to rant about something for a very long time, so Yuri tried to snuggle closer to Nina, who was so into her tablet she simply pushed him farer with her elbow.  
“Find your own place, this is mine...”  
“Let me see it too...” Yuri asked after he turned his music off. The girl didn’t react, so the other skater simply pulled out her left earplug.  
“What now?” She snapped.  
“I want to watch it too!” Yuri hissed between his gritted teeth.   
“What? Why?”  
“Just let me watch it already!” The blonde skater leant so close to Nina their face almost touched and fixed his gaze onto the screen; after he put the earplug - what he snatched from Nina - into his ear.  
“That plug is for your other ear, you know.” The girl didn’t have any idea what happened.  
“It’s fine like this.” The other skater muttered.  
“Why is the sudden interest?” Nina asked, examining Yuri’s face.  
“Hm?” The blonde Russian turned to the girl, but they were so close their nose met when he moved his head. They stared at each other for a moment, than Nina’s cheeks flushed and she slid farer on her seat.  
“Never mind.” She turned her attention back to the screen where a slender, taller girl skated in a sparkly, silver-green dress. She was pale and her long, dark blonde hair was in an impressive updo, decorated with small flower jewels in the same colour as her clothes. Nina started to chew her lower lip as she watched the free routine and that captured the other Russian’s attention.  
“Worried?” He teased her.  
“You wish.” The girl snapped.  
“So, yes.”  
“Shut up.”  
“Who is she?”  
“Ǻsa Nilsson. She stays a year or two more in Junior, she turns fifteen in October.”  
“Is she any good?”  
“Kind of... Between the second and the fifth place usually.”  
“And now?” Yuri meant Nina’s injury and she understood the unsaid question.  
“The same.”  
“Is there anybody who worries you?”  
“No.”  
“Liar.”  
“I can’t afford myself to start worrying, especially now... Why are we not leaving?” The girl asked just to change the subject.  
“The bad weather I guess.” Yuri looked out on the small window. Dawn nearly broke, but there were black clouds whirling on the sky in the distance, making sure it’s going to be dark again soon.  
“Shit.” Nina commented.

The storm was hitting the plane so hard, Nina was afraid the plane is going to break into two, even though she knew that’s almost literally not possible. Everything was trembling and the wind tossed raindrops to the small window. The stewardesses tried to maintain their polite smile as they were walking up and down, but it seemed even more unnatural than usually, giving the situation in which they were, at least for Nina.  
“Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking.” The microphones went live suddenly. “We are experiencing a little turbulence in the moment-”  
“A little?” Nina grunted.  
“Please remain seated and fasten your seatbelts.”  
When the stewardesses went to sit down too, the blood ran out from the girl’s face. She was not really the fan of flying anyway, but now... She was more terrified than she would ever admit it. The old woman next to Yuri was praying loudly which didn’t help at all, except that the blonde skater’s expression was hilariously disgusted about the situation. He gave the other skater a dark look when he saw how much ‘fun’ Nina is having looking at him. He wanted to throw an insult at the girl when the lights flickered and the raven haired skater’s face turned even paler, she closed her eyes and leant back in her seat. She gripped the arm of her seat and her fingers dug into it so strongly, it was a miracle her nails didn’t break. There was a thunder and loud roar in the distance, and Nina had to repress a scream. She was shaking a little bit, but it was only visible to someone who looked at her for a longer time.  
“God...” Yuri muttered with a disgusted face. “You are such a coward. I can’t see your suffering anymore... Pathetic.” He bent forward and pulled the lid of the window down.  
Nina felt the heat of an another body close to her, but she was too scared to look at what’s happening. Suddenly, she felt something on her head and a sleeping mask was slipped onto her eyes, than Russian punk-rock music started to scream into her ears. When she wanted to pull the mask down, a set of warm fingers grabbed hers and led her hand back to the arm of her seat. She didn’t know why, but she grabbed the hand and squeezed it. The other’s fingers winced like they would want to free themselves, but after a moment, they calmed down and let the girl hold onto them.

“Aren’t they adorable?” Mila asked while she was taking the pictures. Yakov, Georgi and she were sitting in the three seats in front of Nina and Yuri, while Zakhar was a little bit in the back, farer from them.   
“Sit back Mila.”  
“But coach-”  
“Let them be.” The old man took a quick look at the young skaters. They were both asleep, their heads rested against each other, their fingers entwined. The storm calmed down since, but Nina was still wearing Yuri’s headphones even though the sleeping mask slipped up to her forehead in a twisted line.  
“Finished.” Mila smiled.  
“What did you do?”  
“I posted it of course.” The girl showed her coach the picture what she uploaded to her instagram.  
“They are not going to be happy about that.” Georgi predicted. “Especially Yuri.”  
“By the time they see it; it will be too late, even if I delete it.” Mila smiled sweetly.  
“Why do you want to force them to hang out so badly?”  
“Just look at them.” The girl gestured toward the sleepers. “They are perfect for each other. Also, they could both use a friend.”

“Hey, wake up...”  
Somebody gently shook Nina’s shoulders, to what the girl rouse so suddenly, Georgi couldn’t back away and they bumped their foreheads together.  
“Ouch, ouch ouch...” Nina jolted back and touched the timid spot. “What the fuck...”  
“We are here.” The young man rubbed his forehead too.  
“Where?”  
“Miskolc. We are at the hotel.”  
“Wha... how?” The girl sat up – now more carefully – and looked around. She was in a smaller hotel room lying on a single bed. “When?”  
“You were blacked out through the whole thing.”  
“But we had to change at Vienna... And the Hungarian border... And the bus-”  
“Apparently, you looked so terribly in a need of some sleep; they didn’t have the heart to wake you up. There were no problems. Especially after some of the guards recognized us.”  
“I still don’t get it...”  
“I carried you the whole time; you were sleeping like a log... God, Viktor didn’t lie when he said you are like a feather... I thought he meant it like an expression.”  
“You... carried me... and I...” Nina covered her mouth with her hands and blushed. “Oh, I’m so sorry! You should have waked me up earlier!”  
“No, it was fine. You were absolutely no problem and you smell nice.”  
“I... what... excuse me?”  
“Your hair... Like violets and roses.”  
Now Nina’s whole face was deep red.  
“I-it’s my shampoo... the violet. The rose... It’s my perfume.”  
“Very nice.” Georgi bent down and smelled Nina’s hair. “Very, very nice.”  
“Uhm... thanks.”  
“Anya loves heavier scents more...”  
“Anya? You mean your girlfriend who broke up with you or something? I think I heard that somewhere.” Georgi’s face twitched and Nina realized her mistake. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to-”  
“No, it’s okay...”  
But the young man’s face looked so sad and lost it was clear nothing is all right.  
“Can I... help with something?” Nina tried, but she had no idea what she could possibly do.  
“So sweet, bonding with each other...” Zakhar was in the door smiling without any warmness. “Popovich, if I may have a moment with my skater, I would appreciate it.”  
“Of course.” Georgi gave Nina a sad smile and before the girl could say anything, he walked out of the room.  
“Pathetic.” Zakhar spat and slammed the door behind him.  
“I think you are wrong.” Nina was slowly rubbing a mop of hair between her fingers.  
“Please, he is more timid than a five grade girl...”  
“And what’s in that?”  
“He thinks that he can be a great skater, but he is a way too weak.”  
“Everybody is weak in your eyes.”  
“Of course...” Zakhar stepped to Nina and took her face between his fingers. He was the only person whose skin was even colder than Nina’s... Every time he touched her, she felt like ice cubes are sliding on her skin... “You look like shit. How do you feel?”  
“Kind of shit.”  
“The medicine I gave you worked at least. You would sleep trough World War III. in that state. Just be aware, when it wears out... Hell would seem a sunny Sunday afternoon to that.”  
“What about my routines? How I-”  
“Don’t worry, I have something completely different for that... Did you bring the salt as I asked?”  
“Yes... And the other stuff too.”  
“Great. I ordered all your food to be served into this room; you don’t have to go down to eat.”  
“I didn’t think it was in the price...”  
“It wasn’t. But I can be very persuading, if I want to. So, food here, make a bath for your foot, after ice it a little bit, but really just a little, you get the ice here too. And don’t use your feet anymore than you must have to, meaning; you are not leaving this room if you are not going to the competition!”  
“That’s-”  
“It was an order, not a request! What’s the answer?”  
“Yes, coach.”  
“My golden girl.” Zakhar patted Nina’s face and left her alone.

Nina made small circles in the water with her foot, sulking. She wanted to go out... She was aware this is for the best, and she could hardly walk anyway, but as soon as Zakhar forbid her to leave, everything turned out to be much more interesting outside of her room. She finally reached her limit and texted Yuri.  
NIA: What’s up? Anything happening? My room is hella boring.  
YURA: Go out and see for yourself, what am I, your newscaster?  
NIA: Can’t. Zakhar grounded me. If you want, you can join; my foot is on drugs again.  
YURA: Hell no.   
NIA: It’s not that bad... Apparently, it’s better than lots of things.  
YURA: Like?  
NIA: Having no foot at all.  
YURA: Terrible. But at least I know the reason of if you show up for the meals seemingly high.  
NIA: I won’t eat with you.   
YURA: ?  
NIA: I repeat: I’m grounded. Zakhar ordered my food to be served in my room.  
YURA: That sucks.  
NIA: Yeah... I think I’m going to study a little... I need to figure out some math shit what I can’t understand for life...  
YURA: Because you are an idiot. Math is easy.  
NIA: Than come and help.  
YURA: Hell freezes over first.  
NIA: I can arrange that... I’m the devil’s personal favourite... Just wait a little...  
NIA: Ready.  
YURA: Picture or it didn’t happen.  
NIA: Fuck you... You ruin everything fun.  
YURA: Where is the fun exactly about what we are talking now?  
NIA: Never mind.  
The girl threw herself back on her bed and scrolled down on her facebook, than changed to her instagram. As she opened the app, she saw she was tagged on a picture... But she didn’t take any pictures with anybody in the past few days...  
“Who di... Jesus Christ!” She gasped when saw it. It was Mila who uploaded it and already had thousands and thousands of likes, shares and comments... It was a picture of Yuri and her, sleeping together on the airplane... The caption said ‘#LesSylphides: the #FairyofRussia and the #RussianIcePrincess’ and it had like twenty hastags and five emoticons, with Yuri and Nina herself being tagged both on the picture and in the description...  
“Oh, he is going to be so mad...” Nina muttered and threw her phone next to herself.

She might have fell asleep for a while because when she opened her eyes, the lights were a little dimmer, the water around her foot was cold, and she heard a familiar angry voice yelling in Russian on the corridor...  
“And... he saw it.” Nina yawned and tried to comb her hair a little with her fingers. She heard more and more doors opening, voices asking what’s happening, so she decided she joins the party. It seemed to be more interesting than sitting in her room, staring at her phone or her laptop... As she expected, Yuri and Mila were in the centre of attention, the girl smiling like if she was seeing a cute five years old throwing a tantrum over a toy he didn’t get, while the blonde skater was red with anger. Nina looked around and saw two familiar silhouettes between the crowd.  
“Angelique, Sebastian!” She called out and the siblings turned around looking for the source of the voice.  
“Nina!” The girl saw her first. She grabbed her brother’s arm and pulled him with herself. “It’s so good to see you! I hoped we could meet before the competition!”  
“Yes, me too.” Nina smiled back. “Even though I was a little surprised to see you coming here... The other end of the world, really...”  
“Well, we grab every opportunity to practice in single so...”  
“Oh, I got it. Anyway, it’s really good to see you. We didn’t meet since a time.”  
Nina really loved the siblings who were skating in pair but started to try out themselves in single since a few years. As Nina herself took after her brother, Angelique and Sebastian did the same. If only for a glance, somebody could mistake the three of them standing together as siblings, having the similar colouring: dark hair, light eyes... But, until Nina - despite of her tiny frame - had long legs and arms and was fragile like a ballerina, Angelique was taller – what was not so hard in this case, almost everyone was taller than Nina at her age - with a more athletic-slender kind of beauty. Her face was capturing and despite of her younger age, it was clear, even now, she is going to grow to be a ravishing beauty, not to be so mysterious, pale and fine boned like the Russian girl... Her darker toned skin and rosy mouth prone to pouting as easily as to laughing made her more easier to like and adore than Nina, who was always made people feel they are seeing a fleeting, crispy shadow, lingering on the side of their dreams, something they could never touch or understand.... Angelique’s tumble of impossibly long curls were jet black next to Nina’s blue-green undertoned, raven coloured locks, and were pinned back into a twisted half updo, but a few mops freed themselves, hanging around her face, emphasizing her eyes, which were almost seem to burning in their blue-grey shades... Nina only saw this colour once or twice in her life, when she was on the seashore, lightning small bonfires from branches washed to the shore. The wood absorbed so much from the sea salt that when she lit it, the flames it produced were either bright green or bluish. Sebastian wore his hair longer too, framing his handsome features in a fashionable manner. While Angelique was born at the end of December, making her younger than Nina with a few months, Sebastian was already sixteen, child of the heavy summer, having his birthday in the middle of August. He had his finishing year in Junior like Nina – who turned fifteen before the annual cutoff, making her one of the youngest debuting - and was handsome like his older brother, with mesmerising eyes twirling in the colour of the sky and sun kissed, washed out grey of rocks of the high mountains. His look was confident and strong and he was usually polite and soft spoken, not inheriting his older brother’s manners, while his younger sister seemed enjoying walking in the footsteps of the oldest of the family. One could wonder how Nina ended up having these two as friends from the pool of skaters around her, but to tell the truth, they didn’t choose each other on their own, it was all in the plans of the oldest sibling: Jean-Jacques Leroy. Back then, he simply decided Nina would fit the best to his siblings – also, he jumped on the pun the girl was usually called the ‘Russian Ice Princess’, saying she and her brother along with J.J. himself and his siblings made the royal families of Russia and Canada in ice skating – and simply shepherded the kids together, until they got used to each other, not giving them any other chance – also ignoring Viktor, who tried to oppose vaguely once or twice, than gave up. With that, he also felt obligatory to ‘adopt’ Nina as a little sister too, showering her with presents and dragging her along with him and his family every time when the girl didn’t shut the door on his face – what of course, he never took seriously, didn’t matter how hard Nina tried, she just became more and more adorable in the Canadian skater’s eyes.  
“Your parents are here too?” Nina looked around, searching for them.  
“No, J.J. accompanied us this time... He said, sometimes it’s good to see the future generations too with his own eyes, without having a competition in line... but we know he just wants to see us.” Angelique grinned.  
“What is his problem?” Sebastian nodded towards Yuri.  
“It’s hard for him to accept popularity, that’s all.” Nina said with a chuckle. It seemed the blonde Russian skater heard her because he shot a sharp glance in her direction. “Oh, here he comes...” She muttered when Yuri started to walk toward her so fast, it was almost running.  
“Ty eto videl???” He shouted and showed his phone into Nina’s face. “Ne tak li?”  
“Da.” Nina pushed away the device with one finger. “A takzhe?”  
“Don’t ‘and’ me! What’s wrong with you? Aren’t you angry?”  
“Why? Would it change anything?”  
“No, but...”  
“Then there is no ‘but’! Just give it a rest already! The picture is online since hours, it doesn’t matter anymore!” Nina suddenly felt uncomfortable as everybody was looking at them and her face started burning, making her angry. Why Yuri has to make such a big fuss about this? “And finish this scene already; everybody thinks you are a lunatic!”  
“Don’t tell me what to do!” The other skater snapped. “And don’t call me a lunatic!”  
“Don’t shout at me!” The girl raised her voice too. “Go lay on the ice or whatever, it might cool your head down a little!”  
To that, the blonde skater couldn’t even answer, just stared at his fellow Russian, his eyes - which were clear, emerald coloured this time - filled with anger.  
“Fuck you!” He yelled finally and stormed away.  
“Wha... what was that?” Sebastian asked after Yuri disappeared on the corner.  
“Just a usual afternoon in Soviet Russia.” Nina shrugged, while she wrapped one of her raven locks around her finger. She was still angry but her mind wandered back and back again to that, how beautiful were Yuri’s angry green eyes... She almost forgot how they seemed to change colour sometimes...  
“You like him, right?” Angelique elbowed her friend with a grin.  
“Yuri? No...” As she said it she blushed making her answer very questionable.  
“You seem to be close... People don’t shout with strangers like that.”  
“Yuri does. And you know that we WERE just friends... But now... I don’t know... we are just both Russian skaters. That’s all”  
“Of course.” The Canadian girl’s smile widened. “And everybody will believe this after that picture...”  
“You saw it too?”  
“Sure thing. I also did three screenshots, one saved onto my phone, one sent to myself in an email and I messaged the third to you on facebook.”  
“You are too kind.” Nina said with a dry smile. “You really shouldn’t have to.”  
“Angel,” Nina and Angelique both turned to the voice. The Russian girl was expecting her coach, while the Canadian her brother and she won; J.J. was heading toward them accompanied with his usual aura of egoism and the scent of his cologne. “Seb! So here you are!” He grinned at his siblings and Angelique danced into his arms, getting her expected hug and a kiss on her forehead like if she wouldn’t see his brother since ages, not a half an hour. Nina’s heart throbbed with pain. In that moment, she missed her airhead, sunshine king older brother more than she could ignore it as she usually did... After J.J. flashed a smile to his brother and patted his shoulder, he stepped to Nina, took her hand and kissed it.  
“Ma tsarévna, comment vas-tu?”   
“Jean, bonjour. Bien... Merci.” The girl freed her hand from the Canadian skater’s fingers. “Et s’il vous plaît, ne faites pas ça.”  
“Purqoi? Quel est le problème, tsarévna?”  
“Vous savez que je déteste quand vous faites cela...”  
“Tsarevna...” J.J. pouted. “How many times I told you, to don’t be so distant with me when we are speaking French... And don’t call me, Jean.”  
“I say what I want and how I want, on every language, JEAN.”  
“J.J.”  
“Jean.”  
The young man gave up with a sigh.  
“You seem a little tired, tsarevna... Is everything all right?”  
“Yes, why wouldn’t be?” Nina now was twice the time thankful to her medicine. It made her a little drowsy and took away even her small appetite, but at least she was able to imitate and smile and pretending she can walk – more or less and only very slowly so she needed to pretend she is on her phone to give an explanation why she is falling back – and she didn’t want to cry every time she even thought about her foot.   
J.J. gently put his hand onto the girl’s face and stroked it, staying aware of that what he is doing is a serious gamble on Nina’s current mood. The girl was never really the fan of others touching her, so it usually happened that he was pushed away and snarled at to keep his distance...  
“I don’t want anybody who belongs to royalty to be hurt by anything...” J.J. seriously meant what he said. Since the first time he saw Nina as small child, something made him drawn to her in the same way he felt toward his younger siblings but he never could really tell the reason... “And you would look bad on our selfies too...” He added with a half smile.  
Nina couldn’t help it; she giggled a little and closed her eyes for a moment, enjoying the genuine feeling of the Canadian skater’s kindness. Why is she missing Viktor that much now? Something was definitely off, but she couldn’t put her finger on it. What changed? ‘Oh, fuck it.’ The girl sighed and jumped into J.J.’s neck, hugging him tightly. She needed someone ‘big brotherly’ now and the Canadian was the closest to that.  
“NINA? WHA-” J.J. was in a total shock. He never even dreamt the girl would be so accepting toward him, but finally he hugged back the Russian skater, who pressed her face into his shoulder, breathing in his scent, which was similar, yet very different to her brother’s... Viktor’s scent was like freedom, crispy, cold winter air on midday, freshly washed bed sheets and salty wind from the ocean together, with the lingering undertones of grass and flowers growing on rocks, near to the northern sea. It was an airy, clear scent, familiar, calming and it always meant home to Nina. J.J.’s scent was like winter too, but more heavier and spicy, like mulled wine next to a campfire on a hillside surrounded by pine trees under the starry sky, with undertones like dark chocolate, French lavender and black pepper.  
“Nina...” J.J.’s tone was softer now, feeling that the girl is slightly trembling. “Viktor is not here, right?”   
“Yes...”  
“You miss him that much?”  
“I... It’s just-”  
“Don’t worry...” J.J. gently put Nina back to the ground. “We are here and we don’t let you be sad... Right, guys?”  
“Of course!” Now Angelique hugged Nina and Sebastian put an arm around her shoulder with a kind smile.  
“Sure.” He agreed.  
“Angie, Bash...” They were friends since she knew her mind, but Nina always had her guard up a little toward the Leroy siblings – all three of them - and was afraid someday they going to say they don’t want her anymore, but they proved it again and again at times like this, that’s not going to happen.  
“Come,” J.J. stood behind them and pulled out his phone from his pocket “let’s take a photo. Everybody smile and say its J.J. style!”  
“You really had to come up with that again?” Nina rolled her eyes and looked up to J.J..The Canadian skater decided he is going to take advantage of the girl’s momentarily acceptance, so he bent forward and kissed her forehead.  
“Hey!” Nina pushed him away half serious, half laughing.  
“Smile for the camera, Tsarevna.”  
“Tsarevna was for the daughters of a Tsar or the wife of a Tsarevich in older times, you know. I’m Viktor’s sister.”  
“Then, if your brother is a Tsar, what are you?”  
“Well... Velikaya Knyazhna.”  
“That’s long. And hard to pronounce.” J.J. frowned.  
“Votre Majesté, in the name of Imperial Russia and it’s noble titles, I hereby apologize for every inconvenience what our language and nobility titles are causing to you.” Nina answered full with sarcasm and did a little curtsy. “But,” she added “I’m impressed by that you did some research to try to find me a suitable name on my language...”  
“How I’m supposed to call you then?”  
“Nina will do.”  
“You know what I meant...”  
“Princesse.”  
“Angel is the princesse now. I don’t want to confuse the two of you, so I have to find something for you now.”  
“You are such a pain... By the way, this only occurred to you now?” Nina sighed. “What about Grande princesse...? Velikaya Knyazhna means Grand Princess.”  
“How do you say ice princess?” J.J. came up with Nina’s ‘usual nickname’,  
“I’m really giving you a Russian language lesson now? Well... it’s ledyanaya printsessa.”  
“Printsessa... So that’s an option for princess too?”  
“Yes...”  
“Then, you are going to be Printsessa.” J.J. grinned. “Everybody, say J.J. style!”

“You saw that?” Mila put her phone under Yuri’s nose while they were eating.  
“No, and I don’t care.”  
“Don’t be so mean, just look at it... If you don’t stay aware, somebody is going to steal Nina from you.”  
“What are you talking about?” Yuri took the phone and started at the picture. It was Nina in the door of her hotel room, surrounded by three people, who were clearly siblings, taken their colouring and similar faces. The caption was some bullshit about royalty and ice skating but the blonde Russian didn’t even bother to read it trough.  
“Nina is with people... so what?”  
“He is your rival.” Mila pointed at the boy on Nina’s right side. He was tall with olive toned skin, grey-blue eyes and longer black hair.  
“Rival in what? Don’t involve me into your idiotic mind plays.” Yuri dropped the phone into Mila’s lap.  
“Where is she?” Mila looked around.  
“Nina?” Yuri put a bite of chicken into his mouth. “She is eating in her room.”  
“Why?”  
“Her coach said so.”  
“And how do you come to know that?”  
“She told me earlier.”  
“So the two of you are having little private conversations now?”  
“Oh, shut up about this already!” Yuri snapped.  
“See? A new photo.”   
Mila flashed her phone to her rink mate again. This time, Nina was sitting on her bed with the same three people, eating, like if they were having a picnic.   
“Listen old hag, I don’t care if she is moving into their place, SO STOP BOTHERING ME WITH YOUR BULLSHIT!” The blonde Russian pushed his chair back and shoved his hands into his pockets.  
“Where are you going?” The girl asked.  
“Out. I’m not hungry anymore.”  
“You should leave him alone.” Georgi said silently after Yuri left. “Maybe he wants to be friends with Nina, but if you continue to press him, he is not going to do it, just to go against you.”  
“You think?” Mila rested her chin on her hand, wondering. “Or maybe he WAS angry about those pictures.  
“I wouldn’t bet on that...”

It was like her foot was stabbed with a knife repeatedly. The medicine wore completely off and Nina woke up with a scream. It was the middle of the night and she could hardly breathe as the pain returned in waves, making it worse than it was before, due to the little ‘break’ when the pills surpassed it almost completely. The girl pressed her hand onto her mouth, trying to muffle her loud gasps, despite of nobody was in the room except her. She didn’t realize she was crying until one of her tears reached her mouth and she felt the salty taste on her tongue. She had no idea how she is going to make it until the next minute, not to talk about the morning, or even her performance... She tried to snatch her phone from the bedside table, but her hand stopped midair. Who she would call? Aleksandar? He was arriving in the morning, so making him worry would be pointless. Zakhar? He would be outraged because Nina woke him up in the middle of the night... Nobody... She had nobody to lean on, and now it was even more painful, even though she got used to it... She finally got herself together enough and suffered herself from step to step until she reached her suitcase and dragged the pain relief spray from between the clothes and sprayed it on her foot. After, she was just lying on the floor taking deep breaths and waited for the medicine to kick in. When she felt she is able to – almost - exist like a human being again, she forced herself up onto her feet to look after something she could drink... Her almost untouched food was still on the trolley, but the teapot was empty, and Nina could die for some tea...  
“What am I, English?” The girl muttered to herself, but it couldn’t change her thirst. It was a little after midnight, so she was sure everybody is sound asleep in the hotel, but because she was always in when it came to horrible ideas – her foot was the most recent and colourful example – she called the reception. The voice answering the phone was sleepy, sounded old and definitely didn’t speak English. Nina tried to explain what she wants but when she failed for the third time, she couldn’t help she let out a quite long and well curlicued line of Belarusian and Russian swearings. For a moment, there was silence on the other end of the phone, than the voice spoke again.  
"A ty govorish' po russki?"  
"Yes... I mean..." Nina was so surprised she nearly answered on a wrong language. "Da, da, ya russkiy."  
“I speak some Russian... What do you want?”  
“I'm sorry for troubling you... but... there is any way for me to get some tea? Chamomile tea.”  
“Chamomile tea? At this time?”  
“I'm really sorry about the inconvenience...” Nina muttered.  
“Are you one of the skaters?”  
“Yes...”  
“A young one.”  
“Young? I don't really...” The girl didn’t understand why that is so important. “I mean I guess, I'm young in the terms how you mean it and other ways too, but-”  
“I didn't understand that.”  
“Sorry, sorry... Yes, I'm one of the younger ones. How did you know?”  
“Your voice. It sounds like that. You should sleep.”  
“I... I can't. I tried, but I can't.”  
“You don't feel well?”  
“No, no, I'm fine...” Nina was just too tired to play games now. “Okay, I'm not.”  
“Come down here. I can't go away for long, but I can make you some tea.”  
“Really? Thank you...”  
“I have a granddaughter. Thank for that.”  
Nina hung up the phone and tried to make herself acceptable. She was still wearing her clothes from the plane – an opened dark blue and green checked shirt dress with a white t-shirt underneath, black leggings, thick socks and an enormous hoodie in light grey colour - of course, it was J.J. style – she was pale and her hair was a mess. Finally, she just washed her face and put her hair into a messy bun.  
“As good as it gets...” She said to her reflection with a sigh.

“So, what is the problem? Are you nervous?” The night receptionist was an old man around sixty-seventy, with jovial, round face, silvery white hair and warm brown eyes. “First competition?”  
“No, not really...” Nina was slowly whirling her tea around in the cup. She was sitting on a chair, next to the reception desk.  
“So... do you feel sick, you said?”  
“I-” Nina couldn’t finish the sentence because a heavy, workworn palm was smoothed onto her forehead with a gentle touch. It was warm and so big, it nearly covered her eyes too.  
“You are a little warm... You sure you don’t have a fever?”  
“I-”  
“Nobody is here with you? A teacher or anybody?”  
“Teacher?” Nina echoed. “You mean a coach, right?”  
“Yes, a coach, I was looking for that word.”  
“I have a coach... But... He is... That’s... Difficult.”  
“He is here to help you... You are young. You need an adult.”  
“I don’t need him.” Nina pressed her lips together, but finally she just shrugged and took a sip from her tea.  
“You NEED someone.” The old man pressed the topic forward.  
“Please... Don’t.” The Russian skater whispered. “I’m tired... I just can’t now...”  
“Poor little one.” The receptionist stroked Nina’s hair, who winced, but didn’t want to hurt the man, so didn’t comment on the action which was a way too familiar for her. “You seem to really be in trouble.”  
“Kind of... I guess.” The girl drank the remained part of her tea and stood up. “Thank you for your kindness.”  
“I really shouldn’t let you go just like this.”  
“No, its fine, you helped a lot... Really.”  
“Well, then...”  
“Nina?” A new, surprised voice joined the conversation.  
The girl turned around and saw a tall young man with blue eyes and light brown hair. His usually happy face was now clearly shocked.  
“Emil? What are you doing here?” The girl asked after a few moments.  
“I’m going to compete tomorrow...” Emil measured Nina from head to toe. “But what are YOU doing? It’s the middle of the night! You should be sleeping or something...”  
“I just...” The black haired skater shrugged. “I couldn’t sleep, so I needed a tea. Why aren’t you sleeping?”  
“Our flight got seriously delayed and I just arrived...” Emil sighed and put his bag onto the floor.  
“That’s awful.” Nina wrinkled her nose. “They company should pay you if you finish on a bottom place, because it’s their fault in part...”  
“Tell me about it.” The Czech skater scratched the back of his head and yawned a big.  
“So what?” Nina sneered. “You are so tired you can’t even give me a proper hug? I’m disappointed.”  
“Sorry... ”  
“You better be!”The girl pouted. “I missed you!”  
She let the young man to pull her into a tight hug and wrapped her arms around him, hiding her face into the other skater’s jacket, letting out a deep sigh. She could never put her finger on why, but it always soothed her when she was close to Emil... There was something in his touch and the energy around him what made her feel calm and secure, and now, she needed that more than a thirsty traveller needed water in the middle of the Sahara... People were usually stunned by that she, - who was usually cold and kept her distance – could hang on Emil for hours, ‘bathing’ in his presence and his touch, without having more sensation lying under that than pure enjoyment. Viktor often got peeved when he saw that, but Nina ticked him off every time, reminding him  
a) he is her brother so he always has the privilege to be around her  
b) he could just shut the fuck up anyway  
and  
c) he should stop sticking his nose into her business involving other people.  
“On tvoy drug?” The receptionist asked.  
“Da ... On kon'kobezhets, kak ya.” Nina smiled after took a half step back from the hug, but not too far, to stay in the other skater’s aura.  
“What are you talking about?” Emil looked down to the girl.  
“Oh, he doesn’t speak English... Just Russian. He asked me who you are.”  
“How will he give me my room key if he doesn’t speak English?” The young man frowned.  
“You didn’t really ask that...” Nina rolled her eyes. “Well, first, you go there and tell him your name... That would be enough... Or, I translate to him what you want... As I speak Russian... As you know it...”  
“Okay, okay, sorry...” Emil gently poked the girl’s nose.  
“I’ll speak for you so you can be satisfied.” The raven haired skater turned to the receptionist. “Mne nuzhen klyuch dlya komnaty pod imenem Emilya Nekola, pozhaluysta.”  
“Eto on?”  
“Da.”  
“Mozhet li on pokazat' mne chto-nibud' chinovnika? Kak pasport?”  
“Konechno... Em, can you give him your passport?”  
After everything was checked and signed, Emil got his keys and headed towards the elevator but Nina didn’t follow him.  
“Are you not coming?” He looked back over his shoulder.  
“I... still have some tea left...” Nina pointed at the teapot. She didn’t want to walk that much next to her friend because she knew he would find out something is wrong.  
“Nina... You should sleep... I still don’t understand why you are here in the first place...”  
“For the tea.”  
“Why are you lying?”  
“I’m not... I..” But Nina knew she lost. “Why are you doing this?”  
“What?”  
“You, Vik, Jean...”  
“Jean? You mean J.J.?”  
“Yes, him... You all are doing this, I-sense-when-you-lie bullshit all the time...”  
“We are all older siblings. Maybe that’s the cause.”  
“You should just stop it... It’s not nice, it’s not attractive.”  
Emil laughed a little and reached out his hand to Nina.  
“Come, let me escort back to your room... You can bring the tea. Or I bring it for you.”  
“I-”  
“Nina what’s wrong?” Emil seemed truly concerned now.   
“Don’t really want to go back to sleep yet... I had a nightmare and...” The end of the sentence went into a mumble and Nina felt her cheeks heating. She was half embarrassed by she admitted she has nightmares and half because in this case... She lied. But she couldn’t say the truth... Just couldn’t. “But it’s fine; I just drink my tea and go back to my room.”  
“Nina!” Emil wanted to go back to the girl, but she just held up her hand.   
“Em, it’s all right, go, take a shower and sleep. You had a long night and you are competing tomorrow...”  
“You too!”  
“I’ll be okay. You know... Junior competitions...” Nina really didn’t know what do anymore. Even though she was very happy for seeing Emil, she was tired, confused and her foot hurt.  
“You forgot, I’m a big brother. No way I’m leaving you here.”  
“God you are annoying...” Nina grimaced, but she let Emil to come back to her and put an arm around her waist. “What do you want to do now?”  
“Just... don’t hate me because of this.”  
“I would never hate you, so- Whoa! Hey!” Emil simply lifted her up like if she would be a little kid.   
“Marek loves when I do this.”  
“He is your brother... And he is five. Anyway, how is he doing?”  
“Good. He loves to watch you skating on TV.”  
“You get figure skating competitions on TV?”  
“What kind of question is that?”  
“I don’t have a TV.”  
“I didn’t know that...” Emil stepped into the elevator. “Which floor?”  
“Same as yours... And I watch everything on my laptop when I want it. Also, TV is expensive.”  
Emil raised an eyebrow.  
“That’s unusual, hearing something like that form you.”  
“It’s expensive to have it and not use it at all.” Nina muttered and rested her head onto her friend’s shoulder. Her eyelids suddenly felt really heavy... She felt like she could fell asleep in a moment...  
“Fair enough.” The young man chuckled. “Which is your number?” The elevator halted and Emil stepped out, looking around. “Nina?” He glanced at the girl to found her fast asleep, breathing steady. Her face slid down a little, making her resting her cheek just above the other skater’s collar bone. The young man gently moved Nina’s head up, to make her rest more comfortable, like if she would be a little child, and Emil certainly had enough experience with that trough his younger brother. After he cautiously dig the room key out from the girl’s pocket and looked at the number, he headed toward the end of the corridor where the room seemed to be. He silently opened the door and went in, without switching on the lamps, reclining on the small amount of dim, yellowish light which came from the corridor.   
“God.” He muttered as he only held Nina with only one arm, arranging the sheets with the other, “ you really like a feather...” The girl was always lithe, but this didn’t seem healthy... She was like if he was truly holding a small child, not a girl who is almost fifteen... Finally, he gently slipped the Russian skater off to the sheets and without even removing her boots, covered her with the blanket. Nina muttered something on a language what he didn’t understand, – it could be either Russian or Belarusian – but didn’t wake up. “Have sweet dreams, little bird.” Emil kissed the girl’s forehead; put the keys onto the bedside table and sneaked out from the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ty eto videl? Ne tak li? - Did yo see that? Did you?  
> Yes. And? - Da. A takzhe? [Russian]
> 
> Ma tsarévna, comment vas-tu? - Tsarevna, how are you?  
> Jean, bonjour. Bien... Merci. Et s’il vous plaît, ne faites pas ça. - Jean, hi. I'm good, thank you. And please, don't do that.  
> Purqoi? Quel est le problème, tsarévna? - Why? What's the problem, taservna?  
> Vous savez que je déteste quand vous faites cela... - You know I hate when you do that... [French]
> 
> Velikaya Knyazhna - Grand Princess [Russian]
> 
> Votre Majesté - your Majesty [French]
> 
> A ty govorish' po russki? - Do you speak Russian?  
> Da, da, ya russkiy. - Yes, yes, I'm Russian.[Russian]
> 
> On tvoy drug? - Is he your friend?  
> Da ... On kon'kobezhets, kak ya. - Yes... He is a skater like me. [Russian]
> 
> Mne nuzhen klyuch dlya komnaty pod imenem Emilya Nekola, pozhaluysta. - I need the key for the room under the name Emil Nekola, please.  
> Eto on? - That's him?  
> Da. - Yes.  
> Mozhet li on pokazat' mne chto-nibud' chinovnika? Kak pasport? - Can he show me something official? Like a passport?  
> Konechno. - Sure. [Russian]


	7. VII.

“Never forget what you are, for surely the world will not. Make it your strength. Then it can never be your weakness. Armour yourself in it, and it will never be used to hurt you.” ― George R.R. Martin, A Game of Thrones

Nina finished the last stroke on her makeup and put the brush onto the edge of the sink. She was wearing her costume for her short program already under her clothes – the red-white outfit on the Winter Olympics (Youth and Senior) of Russia. She mainly used just the jacket, but now she settled with adding the red pants too so she just had to do her hair and her makeup before she was ready to go. She narrowed her eyes and turned her head to the side, try to spot any flaws in the finished work, but the final judgement was it is satisfying. She had to put way more effort in it now that she looked like a refined zombie, thanks to her injury. Her pale, cold toned skin had a greyish hue and the dark bags framing her eyes were so big, she felt she could put her clothes in it instead of her suitcase if she would want to... Her eyes were slightly red, and her usually sharp look - what many couldn’t handle and she ended up people snarled at her to turn her witchery gaze away – .was dim and eery emptiness was looming in it.  
“Well, shit.” She summed up, and rolled her eyes after she checked her phone: it showed its half past four. God, she slept like two hours after she was carried back to her room by Emil... She was not supposed to get up so early, but she got used to it... Zakhar ordered her to stay in her room instead of going to the official practice, which was old news to Nina, as she was usually held back from the trainings with the others, doing something else on her own, only appearing on the warm-ups with her group. She was never flustered about that because she was not fond of people in general and she loved to stay away from the bitter gossiping and biting what went down between the older skater girls in the locker rooms. She got her fair share of that anyway, and she was not the one who would waltz in asking for more. The door of her room opened and she suddenly saw Zakhar’s face in the mirror.  
“I thought you’d be up.”  
“Of course... You trained me to be an early riser.”  
“The body only can be trained until a certain point. You were an early riser by nature. Lucky for you.”  
“I inherited it.”  
“At least some good came out of that you are related to Nikiforov.”  
“You mean beside figure skating?”  
“And your looks, of course.”  
“Excuse m-WHAT?” Nina was so perplexed she stumbled into the chair what she put in front of the mirror but finally didn’t use because she was too short to sit down.  
“Don’t be an idiot!” Zakhar snapped. “How many times I have to recite, you have to know exactly how you can make an impact, and for that, you need to be keen. This half-assed modesty leads you nowhere, especially when it comes to me... Don’t forget, I know you.” The man stepped to Nina and before the girl could even blink, he grabbed her arm, twisted it and pulled it behind the Russian skater’s back, forcing the girl to turn toward the mirror. He clutched her jaw with his other hand and squeezed it until Nina let out a small cry.  
“See yourself?” Zakhar whispered on a husky voice. “Now let’s take a good, long look... No surprise people call you an angel... Only painted saints have these features.”  
“And my brother.” Nina managed to choke out.  
“Yes... Him. But it’s about you now... Just look at this face, these eyes, these lips, this silky hair...” Zakhar released Nina’s jaw and slowly traced his fingers along her face, following his words. “You smell good...” He hid his face into the raven locks and took a deep breath from Nina’s freshly washed hair.  
“Are you...” Nina hesitated for a moment. “That tempted by me?”  
“Most people could be... Easily could be...” Zakhar pulled away a little to look into the girl’s eyes. He put a finger onto Nina’s lower lip and slowly caressed it. “You want me to be?”  
The black haired skater softly smiled and tilted her head to the side a little. If it would be a few years before, she would be screaming in her head, but now, she put that aside for later and just wanted this to end. She concentrated to that Zakhar ruined her makeup a little and she needed to fix it... His coach’s tortures, his games, she knew them all very well and their variations formed a rhythm as well, like the changing of the tide... She could predict exactly what is coming and how she needs to act to make it to be finished faster and less painfully for herself. It was a game for two and she learnt how to play it, even though she was in the serious disadvantage of not knowing the rules and playing against the creator.  
“Try to find out what I want...” She whispered. “A lady won’t give out her secrets so easily.”  
“I see no lady here.”  
“Then what holds you back? You were never that hesitant type.” Nina leant backward to the man’s chest, looking up with a half demanding, half sheepish look, waiting.  
Zakhar’s grin was haggard and without any trace of joy.  
“You always learnt very fast... My clever little angel... You think, I can’t surprise you anymore, right? Well... you are seriously wrong.” With that, he twisted Nina’s arm even more and tossed the girl so hard to the wall, it was nearly a throw. He buried his other hand into her hair and squeezed it, in the meantime, pushing her head into the tiles more and more, until he saw the first tear running down his skater’s face.  
“See?” He hissed. “When you learn how to bewitch me, how to make me yours, you are going to be ready... But until...” He suddenly released Nina and stepped back, letting the girl’s knees buckle and fell onto the ground. “You are MINE. Understood?”  
“Ye-yes.” Nina rattled on a hoarse voice.  
“Good. So until that...” Zakhar grabbed the girl’s hair again and pulled it back making her facing him. “Know your place.” With that, he bent down and kissed his skater’s cheek. “My golden girl... I’ll be back before we need to go to the ice, get yourself together by that time.”  
After her coach left, Nina slowly gathered the strength to stumble to the bathtub, helping herself with the sink. She slowly stooped to the edge and covered her face with her hands, taking slow, deep breaths.

Yes, she knew this game very well, but that didn’t mean it couldn’t hurt her anymore...

Water drops ran over Nina's face like tears, mixed up with the real ones she cried. She just sat under the shower for at least a half an hour, hugging her knees and sobbing silently. After her tears ran out she turned off the water, put on her clothes again and tried to make herself acceptable, but even after she put all the makeup on, the girl who looked back to her from the mirror, was everything except that, so she just stared at her reflection grumpily. This wasn't a rare moment of her being still and deep in thoughts. She could stay like this for hours, but now it lasted perhaps five seconds, until somebody knocked on her door. To her surprise, Georgi, Mila and Yuri were on the doorstep, the young blonde Russian was held by the girl, making clear he was forced to come here. Behind them, Yakov was standing with a stern face.  
"What... What are you doing here?"  
"Uhm … Do you want to come with us?" Yuri asked angrily after Mila elbowed between his ribs and stepped onto his foot. “Wh- are you in your costume already?”  
To the question, Nina just shrugged. She looked very tired and her eyes were red. Yuri wanted to resist, but before he could do anything, he already asked.  
"Are you okay?"  
"Yes, why?"  
"Your eyes...”Georgi leant closer to Nina who took a step back instantly. “Did you cry?"  
‘Damn,’ Nina thought, ‘it's written onto my face so clearly?’ "What kind of question is that?" She narrowed her eyes at Georgi, who realized what a big mistake he made.  
"I'm sorry. It’s none of my business."  
"You're right. It's none… And I don’t go to the practice."  
"Why?" Mila and Georgi asked in the same time.  
“My coach told me to stay.”  
“No way, you have to come!” Mila grabbed Nina’s hand, who winced and jumped back a little, hiding her hands behind her back and the other girl had to notice, the black haired skater’s fingers are ice cold.  
“No. I don’t have to and I won’t. And now, excuse me.” With that, Nina slammed the door to the face of the other Russians. “I’m sorry.” She whispered to the empty air.

The notes throbbed so loud in her ears it hurt, but Nina was grateful for this kind of pain... It washed trough her like a cold wave. She took steady, deep breaths, imagining herself doing her short program. She was lying on the floor, with her legs up on the wall and her muscles sometimes twitched a little as they remembered the movements connected to the music. Every time she did this, Nina completely lost track of time. It was not just an exercise, it was a getaway for her and it was always there as she always had competitions. She didn’t know when she actually fell asleep, but she woke up to a light thrust on her shoulder. She opened her eyes and blinked in the sudden, strong sunlight pouring into her room.  
“Angel.” Zakhar was kneeling next to her.  
“What the...” Nina tried to sit up, but her muscles were tense and sore from sleeping in an uncomfortable position.  
“Hey Angel... Take it easy.” The man tried to help Nina to sit up, but the girl crawled farer from him.  
“Thank you, I’m perfectly capable to manage myself.”  
“Then, answer me, what the hell were you doing a few hours before a competition?”  
“Sorry.” The girl mumbled as she finally managed to gather herself and started to rub her muscles.  
“Don’t give me that! You should know better!” The man growled on a low tone. “You are a professional!”  
“I know okay, and I’m really sorry!” Nina snapped and slowly stood up.  
Zakhar raised an eyebrow and followed his skater. “I prefer to hear a little bit more respect.”  
“Shut up...” Nina muttered, kicked her boots off of her feet and started to warm up her left, cracking her toes and circling her ankle. It would be a much more graceful view, if she wouldn’t needed to hold onto the wall with a painful grimace as she put weight on her injured foot.  
“You are managing it quite well...”  
“Quite well?” Nina echoed, stopped moving her foot and sat down to her bed. “I sleep worse than usual and I’m a complete mess; so ‘quite well’ can be our umbrella term for ‘fucked up’.”  
Zakhar took a seat next to her and snapped with his fingers.  
“Foot.”  
“Here.” Nina put her leg into her coach’s lap.  
The man pulled out a syringe from his pocket.  
“Surprise. Happy early birthday.”  
“That is not a surprise... It’s from my suitcase, I brought it here.”  
“Don’t ruin it.”  
“Oh, my apologies.”  
“Are you ready?” The man pulled off the wrapping from around the injection. “Did you take any pills?”  
“Course not!” Nina rolled her eyes. “Just the spray. I don’t want to fall asleep on the ice.”  
“Fair enough.” Zakhar nodded. He bit on the lid of the syringe and spit it down to the floor. “Ready?”  
“It wouldn’t matter either way, right?” Nina focused on the injection. It didn’t scare her; she got her fair share from blood tests and examinations as a competitive figure skater, so she welcomed what is coming as an old friend.  
“Of course not.”  
“Then why wasting your breath?”  
“You got a point again, Angel. Pain makes you sharp.”  
“And that’s a compliment that a girl doesn’t hear every day...”  
“So?”  
“Bring it on.”  
Nina silently watched as the clear liquid emerged into her foot trough the needle, took a deep breath and around the fourth time in her life, she sent a little prayer to all the Saints of Russia who might listen to it, even though she was sure since she was eight that those saints either not exist, or they hate her... and the worse was she couldn’t even blame them for it.

Despite of every cell screaming ‘NO!’ in her body, Nina took a deep breath and pushed the door open. The muffled voices of talking went silent for a moment and every head turned to see who arrived.  
“Hi.” The girl clutched the strap of the bag of her skates. She never brought anything else to competitions just her skates, her phone and some products to correct the little flaws what might occur on the makeup what was already applied to her face.  
“Nina!” Angelique waved to her from a corner. “Over here!”  
“Angie...”  
The Canadian girl was wearing a light lilac-pink dress with rose flower appliqués on it and her hair was in a difficult braided updo with small, light pink sparkles. She was skating her short to the ‘Dance of the sugarplum fairy’ and Nina would bet J.J.’s hand was mainly in this choice, but she herself couldn’t find something better for her either; Angelique looked perfect in her costume, and the Russian girl felt somehow plane next to her friend.  
“Are you nervous?” She teased her as she kicked down her pants and her boots, and started to pull her skates onto her feet. If there was somebody who was usually as indifferent about the pressure as she, that was the Canadian skater girl.  
“Of course... I’m totally terrified.” Angelique threw the ball back.  
“Bash and Jean are here to cheer for you, right?”  
“Yes... It’s still a little bit strange though. I got used to that I’m with Seb on the ice.”  
“Oh, boo hoo, do you need a tissue to cry in it?” A spiteful voice joined them from the side.  
“Get lost, Morozova.” Nina said in Russian, finished tying the laces of her skates and stood up. Even in them, she was no match to the other girl in height who was also wearing skates. She could be the poster girl of Russia: tall, lean, blonde and blue eyed with a perfectly symmetric face and white teeth. She was wearing a white-gold costume and a small crown on her head.  
“How sweet, defending your ONLY friend...” The blonde Russian didn’t forget to emphasize the word, ‘only’ as she spoke in English to let Angelique understand the insult too.  
“At least I’m picky about who I let close to myself...” Nina put her hands into her jacket’s pockets. “I would guess when you buy your friends, you would be more aware of what you are paying for.”  
“I can imagine how that picking went... ‘Who wants me because me, and how wants me because I’m Viktor’s sister, always just Nikiforov 2.0?’”  
“Talking about seconds... I heard you stay in Junior for two years more... Such a shame... But, hey, you will taste how winning feels at least when you defeat a few thirteen years old, being eighteen yourself. And then, they are going to outgrew you too...”  
“YOU LITTLE-” The taller girl snapped.  
“See...” Nina grinned, interrupting the other. “Maybe I’m the second Nikiforov, but I AM a Nikiforov... Whole Russia, no, the whole world knows our name... So, who are you again? Oh and by the time you crawl your way into senior, I will be at least a three times consecutive champion, so good luck for that. And I have to mention, it was such a shame I didn’t see you at the youth Olympics, neither on the podium of the Junior Worlds either. What happened, daddy got bankrupt and couldn’t pay off any more members of the jury?”  
“Your daddy can buy you an ice rink;” Angelique added with a sparkly smile, dark flames dancing in her bluish eyes. “Your daddy can buy you skates, music, costumes, choreographers, coaches, maybe a few judges too... But what daddy can’t buy, is real talent.” “You bitches!” The blonde Russian muttered.  
“Oh, don’t be so sweet, Katia.” Nina cooed. “You know you can’t get away with flattery. And now, step aside, we want to go out.”  
Katia gave them space, but she couldn’t hold back herself, she had to continue.  
“No surprise you are so wretched Nina. You got it from your Belarusian whore mother.”  
“You thought you hurt me with that?” Nina stopped and looked back over her shoulder. “Really? The, let me tell you something. The woman, who didn’t abort me only because of a vague possibility of something could go wrong with HER, the woman who let my stepfather abuse when I was too young to even know myself properly, the woman who was married when I was born, but whose husband is not my father, the woman who never show a single spark of interest about me... That woman... She is really a Belarusian whore. At least you got that right, not as your routines.” With that, Nina pushed open the door and marched out to the corridor with Angelique on her side.  
“Chto liačysia?” Zakhar – who was leaning against the wall until this time – emerged from the shadows. He needed only a moment to see the look on his skater’s face.  
“JA ŭ paradku.” Nina shrugged.  
“Drenny dziejanni, maja zalataja dziaŭčynka, drennaja akciorskaja.”  
“Katia. Jana pateliefanavala maja maci bielaruskuju prastytutku ... alie jana nie mahla być boĺš dakladnym.”  
“Jak tvaja naha ciapier?”  
Nina looked down to her skates.  
“Pretty numb. It’s strange.”  
“Good.”  
“How did you get hold of those lidocaine injections?” Nina asked against her better judgement. “Robbed an ER?”  
“Almost.”  
“Almost?” The girl echoed.  
“Really want to know?”  
“Yes... I think.”  
“Note that I never lie to you, Nina. Never.”  
“I know.”  
“Then, I paid for them. Everybody and everything has its price, you just have to negotiate it out.”  
“I have no idea where you learnt about right and wrong,” Nina shook her head “but you sure have missed a few fundamental rules at the beginning.”  
“And yet, I’m still your coach.”  
“Everybody makes mistakes.”  
“Are you going to win a gold for me, angel?”  
“Did you make a bet on me?”  
“No gentleman bets on what is sure.”  
“Then why the question? And if I’m not a lady, you are not a gentleman... “  
Zakhar stopped and looked at Nina, examining her face.  
“Your makeup skills are significantly improved. Nobody would think how you look like underneath.”  
“That’s the point, isn’t it?” Nina started to walk again and her coach walked in peace with him. “And how would I explain the bruise on the side of my face? I ran into a parallel bar or something in my room?”  
“You have a bruise?”  
“A light one. Nothing serious.” Nina lowered her voice, even though she was sure, nobody around them spoke Belarusian. “But if I can give you one advice, I would refrain from hurting my skater’s face, especially before a competition... The rest, I can cover up, but that... It’s a little hard.” They reached the ice rink and stood next to the railing, waiting. She could sit down as she was performing later and she should consider her foot, but she felt she needs to stand. She grabbed the railing and her fingers dug into the metal.  
“Stop that.” Zakhar cautiously touched her knuckles with the back of his hand, making Nina startle.  
“Don’t touch me.”  
“Go, sit down.”  
“Don’t. Touch. Me.”  
“Go, sit down.” Zakhar repeated, and even though his tone was the same, Nina felt exactly she can’t argue with him now, so she jolted into the first free plastic chair she saw.  
“Happy now?”  
“Pleased.”  
“So you did not make a bet on me.”  
“Angel, I, ALWAYS make bets on you. On every single occasion. And I always win. Don’t ruin this for me.”  
“Are there any people who make bets with you after all this time?”  
“Of course... There are idiots everywhere.”  
“And... getting a lot of money out of the bets?”  
“Far not enough.”  
“You mean” Nina was playing with her martyoshka pendant “beside that what you get from my sponsors?”  
“You are lucky that you don’t have to pay me... You are fourteen, there is no way you can work that much to make a living.”  
“Now I think about it, yes... I never paid you. Not even at the start.”  
“Because somebody is pretty popular between sponsors.”  
“I guess the name ‘Nikiforov’ open lots of doors...”  
“The name what I meant was VIKTOR Nikiforov.”  
“Well,” Nina released her necklace “at first, I’m sure that was how it was, but after, I guess, I earned it on my own right.”  
“Guess? You usually more self-confident.”  
“No, I’m not.”  
“At least,” Zakhar straightened his long limbs “that sounded pretty confident.”  
“Shut up...” Nina mumbled.  
“Don’t you think they are cute?”  
The man asked as they stood up to listen to the Italian anthem for the last medal ceremony before the juniors started. From the little girls who were standing on the podium, two were Russian and one was Italian.  
“Was I that cute ever?” Nina asked after the music finished.  
“You? Never.”  
“Thanks...”  
“Angel, sweetheart, you could never be cute. You seen too much for that, thank God.”  
“Should I understand this?” Nina leaned on the railing and rested her chin in her palm.  
“Cuteness, REAL cuteness means that you are innocent.” Zakhar followed the girl’s gaze and rubbed his face. “And innocence is one form of ignorance. I would go crazy with innocent people around me.”  
“You could change them easily; you could corrupt even a saint.” Nina still avoided eye contact with her coach.  
“You think too highly of me.” Zakhar purred.  
“I don’t think so.” Nina’s voice was cold. “You are rotten to the core.”  
“And I make my skaters high class in the meantime.”  
“SkateR. You only have me.”  
“Of course. I wouldn’t waste my time on some lower ranked idiot.”  
“You know, sometimes I just don’t know if you are racist, sexist, both or just the biggest asshole on planet Earth... Wait, not on Earth, in our solar system.”  
“Oh, how I would miss you.”  
“I’m not going anywhere.”  
“Theoretically, I mean.”  
"I wouldn't miss you. I mean theoretically." Nina echoed her coach. "Are we finished? I have to skate soon."  
"Sure... I let you concentrate."  
"I appreciate that." Nina put in her earplugs.

"And our last contestant," The announcer started as Nina skated to the centre of the ice "is one of Russia's most priced upcoming skaters, the fan favourite, Viktor Nikiforov's younger sister."  
"If somebody would doubt that," the second added "now it became sure, it runs in the family... This little beauty is the just finished Winter Youth Olympics’ winner in Ladies single, team, and her team ranked on the first place too. One could guess why... Plus, she is the first Russian ladies' singles skater to score above the two hundred mark in total score, she is the first ladies' skater in history to win two World Junior titles, she is the winner of two consecutive Grand Prix Junior titles, also she is the current world record holder for the junior ladies' short program, the junior ladies' free skate score and for the junior ladies' total score, with her world standing being number one. And I didn't even add the numerous European championships where she snatched the gold too..."  
"That is nearly too much to list." The first announcer laughed a little. "If she would be a boy, her brother could start to worry as she debuts in Senior soon..."  
"And if you would shut up," Nina muttered as she took a deep breath and looked around the audience, spotting her coach, J.J., Emil, Angelique, Sebastian and after a few moments, Aleksandar in the ring of unfamiliar people "that would be nice..." She ran her look down on her dress. She was wearing a high necked, long sleeved, midnight blue dress, spotted with thousands of tiny Swarovski crystals and her nude coloured skates - she had three pairs exclusively for competitions, one white, one black and one nude, all custom made, with the Russian and the Belarusian flag on each side of the back of the skates; their blades were also special; they had a light, blue-silver colour with frost and snowflake pattern on them - while her hair was a simple, tight bun. Compared to most of the other skaters, she seemed a little bit simple, but that was the exact reason why she stood out. Her coach might was an ass, but he was doing his job perfectly.  
"And to what our little martyoshka doll is dancing to?" The first announcer asked on a joking tone, as Nina started to skate on her music.  
"[Maksim Mrvica's Croatian Rhapsody](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3CdKrA3viNw). An interesting choice, but this little lady was always full of surprises..."  
“Watch this beautiful step sequence... I can almost say it’s a Russian privilege to skate that gracefully, but Nina goes far beyond that... Her movements are so smooth, so collected, so clean... Oh and a layback spin followed by a Biellmann spin, which is hyper-extended, with more than eight revs... we can say, ‘as usual’!”  
“Yes... Her spins... I just love them; maybe even more than when she jumps...”  
‘Of for fuck’s sake...’ Nina rolled her eyes mentally as she skated.  
“I wonder what she has for next...”  
‘Making my dinner?’Nina commented as jumped into her flying spin. Her right foot was very strange, but it was still better when she felt the pain... And this was only a short program... There’s no way, she would mess up that...  
“And a triple axel with one hand up! Beautiful! Followed by her spiral sequence... Not many female skaters can land triple axels, and certainly not in Junior...”  
“I’m sure everybody knows, but our little Nina is the youngest junior girl and also the fifth woman to land a triple axel in an international competition, the first woman to land three triple axel jumps in one competition and to land two triple axel jumps in the same program; with the first and youngest woman to land quads and a triple axel in the same program. Also, she is the first to land the triple axel jump at the World Junior Championships.”  
“And if we are talking about jumps, I have to add, she is youngest woman to land a quad jump in international competition, the first junior girl to land quad jumps in international competition also, at the World Junior Championships.”  
“What is my personal favourite in Nina’s jumps is that she always jumps with one or two hand raised and does this with such grace... Not many skaters are able or willing to that, even though the plus points... And the aesthetic elegance too...”  
“Plus those little sweet things she always adds into her choreographies, small sequences, positions, or her favourite ballet and mazurka jumps, what she never misses to do as we see...”  
‘What is that, reading my Wikipedia page out loud?’ Nina asked in herself. ‘Why am I even here skating? They clearly don’t care about it...’  
“And now,” the second commentator grabbed the opportunity to speak again, “her next required element, the jump combination: a triple Lutz with one hand up, and a triple toe loop jump with both hands up! Impressive! And a shorter step sequence, immediately followed by a triple flip... Oh, and she done it, with one arm up!”  
“Now what is still needed her spin combination... I hope she surprises us again...”  
“Aaand... A camel spin with a backward entry, changing of edges... more than eight revs... next, a pancake spin, still changing edges, and now, changing foot... A doughnut spin and finally an I spin, more than eight revs again and changing edges... Perfect, just perfect, almost unbelievable! Ladies and gentlemen, this Russian lady delivers quality every time she steps on the ice!”  
‘Good lord please let someone take the microphone from them...’ Nina thought gasping, as she stood in her finishing position. This wasn’t supposed to be a hard short of her, but because of her foot and the lack of sleep, it took out more from her than as she thought... But the audience was cheering, throwing flowers and stuffed animals to the ice, so she smiled and bowed as it was expected. Most of the plush toys what she got were little moles, most of them was wearing blue trousers, hats or some funny clothing. The little mole was Nina’s favourite cartoon when she was young, or, more precisely, it was still her favourite. She had t-shirts, pyjamas, hoodies, pencils, notebooks and even mug with the little mole on it, didn’t mention she had all the books which came out with him and all the episodes of the cartoon on her laptop. As she was skating towards the kiss and cry, she picked up one – a bigger one with a blue-yellow hat – and squeezed it to herself.  
“Well, it could be worse.” Zakhar muttered as he took away the stuffed animal until Nina put on her jacket and the edge protectors of her skates.  
“It always could be worse.” Nina retorted.  
“Let’s say you are better when you are not injured.”  
“Surprise, surprise...” The girl muttered as they walked to the bench and sat down to see her points.

“Ni, hey!”  
The girl turned around, still holding the mole and a few flowers. The last member of the press just left and she felt a throbbing pain starting in her temple. She wanted to send away whoever was calling her name, but it was Aleksandar who tried to break through the crowd.  
“Alek...”  
“You were awesome!” When the young man tried to hug Nina, she took a step back.  
“It was just a short program...” The Russian skater muttered after a few awkward moments, and a light pink colour stole itself onto her cheeks.  
“Are you all right?” From the emphasize of the question Nina understood he meant her foot.  
“Yeah, I’m fine... A little bit tired...”  
“And?”  
“And? Nothing.”  
“You sure?” Alek hesitated, when he saw Nina shivering.  
“No, I’m not, but I’ll live. I promise. Thank you for coming to see me... Apparently, with that, you did more than my brother dearest...” The girl was not sure why she said that, it just slipped out before she could think. Maybe last night wouldn’t be so hard for her if she would have Viktor by her side... But she was the one who didn’t tell him she is injured... Maybe because he would demand her to withdraw from the competition...  
“Ni...We talked about this already.”  
“Then why are you the one who is here and not him?” Nina didn’t really want to keep up this topic but this whole situation made her snappy.  
“You are just saying that because-”  
“Because” The girl interrupted the other’s sentence “I can’t even tell him I have an injury while you know? When this became so twisted?”  
“You miss him now more than usual, right?”  
“I don’t know why...” The girl muttered. “I just feel, something is different...”  
“What?”  
“I-don’t-know!”  
“You are just worked up, if you calm down a little, I’m sure-”  
“NO! Just no... Please Alek...” The girl let out a shaky breath and leant against the wall, closing her eyes. After a few moments, she silently started to speak again, as if she would be talking only to herself. “After I moved into my biological father’s place, Viktor was glued to me so much, he literally took me everywhere with him, and now...” She shrugged. “People are drawn to new things, they treasure them, but with time, everything becomes granted... I became one of the things in his life which were granted... But for me, he was the only thing what I could take granted... And I lost that too... I think that is what I’m feeling... Somehow... losing him. This is crazy, right?” Nina’s laughter was shaky. “How could I possibly feel something like that? I know he is home in St. Petersburg, walking Makkachin or at the ice rink, practising... He always made Yakov crazy with how arbitrarily he took his training sessions...”  
“You know, sometimes you not sound like a fourteen year old at all.”  
“Zakhar always says I was born middle aged, and he didn’t need to raise me at all. Like if he would have raise me... Belarusian asshole.”  
Alek chuckled, and suddenly Nina felt his warm breath tingling on her skin as he spoke. “Everyone who takes you granted is an idiot, even if that someone is called Viktor Nikiforov. See you later.”  
In the next moment, she felt a light kiss on her cheek. Nina’s eyes popped wide open, but she could only see Alek’s back as he walked away. He kissed her exactly on the same spot where Zakhar did earlier...  
“Sweet.” Somebody snorted behind Nina. “I thought you wanted to get somebody to skate with, but it seems like you catfished some idiot who actually stayed after and turned into your boyfriend.”  
“I didn’t catfish him.” Nina didn’t even turned back to see who is speaking. “And he is not my boyfriend. I would never catfish anybody. That’s a horrible thing to do... And even more horrible you know what catfishing means.”  
“You know it too.”  
“At least I feel ashamed about it.”  
“No, you don’t.”  
“Okay, I don’t.”  
“You... Well...”  
“Hm?”  
“You... were quite... nice... out there before.”  
To that, Nina squinted at the talker. It was of course Yuri as she recognized him from his voice earlier. He was already in his costume but still in his shoes, while the girl was in her skates, so momentarily, she was taller than the boy.  
“Thanks... I like what you are wearing.”  
“Why? It’s nothing interesting.” The blonde Russian had black pants on with a light brown long sleeve under his usual blue jacket which he left open now.  
“You don’t look like a try hard Christmas tree. I appreciate that.”  
“Stay to watch the rest of today?”  
“You mean staying to watch your short program? Sure. Especially because you did the same.”  
“Junior boys come after Junior girls, I’m only here because of that... And I don’t need a favour form you.”  
“This is not a favour. I’m interested. Here.” Nina held out the little mole plushie. “Rub his belly.”  
“What? No! And don’t shove that into my face!”  
“It’s not in your face... Don’t be such a whiner, do it, it brings good luck.”  
“Why are you so attached to this... whatever is it.”  
“You didn’t watch it when you were young? The little mole?”  
“I had better things to do... Like raising money for my family... Not everyone can live off from the family name alone.”  
“Well,” Nina’s voice turned to ice cold “I had to watch it to forget I’m the most unwanted person at the place where I’m living and what I suppose to call ‘home’, with the persons who I’m supposed to call my family and who are loathing me... If I could trade that name or that money for a dad who picks me up after a practise, I would do it and I know you would too. But unfortunately we can’t choose our families, and you understand that just as well as me, so why don’t you stop mocking me because of it?”  
Yuri puckered up his lips and shrugged like if wouldn’t care, but finally he reached out and poked the mole’s belly with one finger.  
“Happy know?” He muttered.  
“You can have it.”  
“I don’t want it!”  
“Just take it already!”  
The blonde Russian’s face was like he was forced to eat a whole lemon, but he grabbed the plushie and mumbled something which vaguely sounded like a ‘thanks’.  
“Come, let’s go.” He waved to Nina and started walking.  
As the girl put weight on her foot, sharp pain ran through her body.  
“God damn it!” She cursed under her breath.  
“Your injury?” Yuri stopped and looked back at her.  
“Yes... The medicine wears out slowly... But at least it’s good for my headache.”  
“What?”  
“You can only feel the worst pain in your body... If my foot hurts, my head doesn’t. Well, at least I can forget about it a little bit.”  
“Know what? Spare me your weird biology facts... Can you walk or not?”  
“I Can... Just slowly.”  
“Don’t you want to change into your shoes?” Yuri started to walk again, but in a slower peace, so Nina could keep up with him.  
“It wouldn’t help... But not a bad idea.”  
“Will you win gold like this tomorrow?”  
With that question, Yuri echoed Nina’s deepest fear at the moment.  
“Honestly?” She sighed. “I don’t know.”  
“Are you afraid?” The blonde Russian asked casually.  
“No... I’m terrified.” Nina admitted. “What if my foot never heals normally? What if my skater career ends here?”  
“Your coach said, it’s going to be fine, right?”  
“What if he was wrong?”  
“Then, you can thank it to yourself. I told you this might happen.”  
“Don’t say that...” Nina whispered. He turned away her face, but Yuri caught the glimpse of tears in her eyes. “And don’t be such an asshole. Not now. Not about this.”  
“Know what? If you are that scared, I can offer you to rub my plushie mole’s belly tomorrow. They say it brings good luck.”  
“Thanks.” Nina couldn’t resist letting out a faint giggle. “Very kind.”  
“Nia... What I said earlier about you and your money... I didn’t mean to-”  
“I know.”  
Suddenly Nina was a child again, standing in the kitchen of the small apartment which smelled of coffee and cheap cigarettes, her first time at Yuri’s place and her first time in Moscow. Yuri’s father was sitting in the living room watching the TV with a glass of vodka in his hand while his mother was in the kitchen with curl-papers in her hair, varnishing her nails with a cigarette in her mouth. They were not bad people, just old fashioned in the term how they saw their only son. According to them, children had to do what was told by the parents, especially if it was about free labour like cleaning the car, washing the dishes or taking the garbage down. They didn’t have the nerves neither for noisy children, neither to listen to any whining, stories or fantasizes. They had their ‘grown-up lives’ and they certainly didn’t have time for their son’s figure skating career. Next time Nina was in the apartment, it was after they returned from the cemetery. They attended to Yuri’s father’s funeral. Since then, Yuri was a half orphan and the main provider for his remained family, while Nina was always the ‘bad seed’ between the Nikiforovs, living in the shadow of her older brother. They never said it out loud, but on that day while they were sitting next to each other dressed in black, eating cheap, dry shortbread, they formed a pact, swearing they never let anybody take advantage of their situation. They would show the world that even if not together, they will go forward without hesitating, proving they can’t be defeated...  
And here they were: their generation’s best skaters, having no one to stand against them when they stepped onto the ice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chto liačysia? - Who bit you?  
> JA ŭ paradku. - I'm fine.  
> Drenny dziejanni, maja zalataja dziaŭčynka, drennaja akciorskaja. - Bad acting, my golden girl, bad acting.  
> Katia. Jana pateliefanavala maja maci bielaruskuju prastytutku ... i jana nie mahla być boĺš dakladnym. - Katia. She called my mother a Belarusian whore... but she couldn't be more accurate.  
> Jak tvaja naha ciapier? - How is your foot now? [Belarusian]


	8. Chapter 8

When you're in the half light, it is not you I see. And you'll live a half life, you only show half to me. When you're in the half light, I don't like the half I see. - [Banners - Half Light](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3SE1WaaNzW0)

Silent rumbles mixed into the applause of the crowd as Nina stood in her final position. She managed to get away without messing up her free skate, but everybody could see she was far from doing it perfectly as it was full with small bumps and cracks, mainly thanks to that she spent the previous night tending to her foot again instead of sleeping and these days in a row were far from the ideal circumstances what were essential to a skater to perform its best. She bit her lip as her eyes met with Zakhar’s. ‘Not amused’ seemed to be an euphemism of how he looked. After a last, graceful bow, Nina slid to the entrance to meet with her coach.  
“Angel, you making me doubting it was a good idea to bet on you.”  
“Don’t worry. You won’t regret it.”  
“What the hell did you do out there?”  
“I’m injured.” Nina put on her jacket and zipped it over her costume. For her free skate ( Paul Senneville - Mariage ) she was wearing a white dress with a little bit longer and slightly ruffled skirt and looser upper part. The white garment itself had a straight across neckline and above, a sheerer one with a loose boat neck which was sprinkled with a handful of crystals, matching with the white and crystal little hairpiece which was sitting in her braided bun. There was an another layer of nude coloured garment under the sheer parts of her costume to cover Nina’s bruises. It was not unusual for the skaters to wear something like that under their dresses and the girl always worked with the same seamstress who loved money and the fact she is working for a Nikiforov better than asking questions about what’s really going on.  
“You couldn’t possibly feel your foot.”  
“What doesn’t helps at all. And I didn’t get a good night sleep since ages.”  
“That’s an exaggeration.” Zakhar handed the edge protectors to his skater.  
“Well, it FEELS like ages.”  
“Did somebody forbid you to sleep?”  
“Just the pain.”  
“Stop whining.”  
“I think I have a fever...”  
“You just came down from the ice, of course you feel hot. Here, I don’t know what is this, but you know it looks nice if you hold something in the kiss and cry.”  
“It’s a Castiel plushie.”  
“A what?”  
“He is the angel from Supernatural.”  
“Supernatural?”  
“Forget it.” Nina rolled her eyes and sat down to the bench. “You uncultured swine.” She added, muttering under her breath. The crowd was cheering, so she smiled and waved to them, waiting for her points. Inside, her stomach was in knots, but of course, she couldn’t let that sit onto her face.  
“Oh, you are goddamn lucky. You are on the first place.”  
“I made a pact with the devil.”  
“You mean... me?”  
“Course I do.” Nina hissed trough her gritted teeth as she was smiling and waving to the cameras and the crowd. Her final score was not that high, but it was still enough to make sure, no one else can steal the gold from her.  
“See? And it was not that hard...”  
“Watching from the sideline is always easy.”  
“You always forget once I was a figure skater too...”  
“I saw enough from your career, thank you. You could be great; you just made the mistake to skate together with my brother. That fucked you up.”  
“Well, we can say that about you too.”

“[Rossiya – svyashchennaya nasha derzhava](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AOAtz8xWM0w), Rossiya – lyubimaya nasha strana. Moguchaya volya, velikaya slava – tvoyo dostoyan'ye na vse vremena! Slav'sya, otechestvo nashe svobodnoye, bratskikh narodov soyuz vekovoy, predkami dannaya mudrost' narodnaya! Slav'sya, strana! My gordimsya toboy!” Nina’s voice echoed in chorus with Katia, who stood next to her on the podium with a silver medal in her neck. When the last tunes of the Russian anthem faded, the crowd cheered and Nina happily waved to them. She was used to competing, applauds, the press, the banquettes, but one of the best feelings in her life was still standing and listening the national anthem being played for her. As the photographers started their work, she patted Angelique’s – who landed as third – shoulder and nodded her to step up next to her. The Canadian girl did as she was asked, wrapped one of her arms around her friend’s waist and held up her bronze medal with the other. To the touch, Nina’s smile slightly faded but that could be only recognizable if somebody would search for it, so she was sure Zakhar saw it and she is going to get scolded after this all finishes... But now she just held up her medal like her friend, and let thousands flashes make her half blind... Katia seemed so alone standing on her place Nina felt a little tingling toward her heart. She knew exactly how it’s like, being so alone, feeling you are not enough... But before she could invite her too to join them, she stepped down to the ice and Nina had to follow her with Angelique to do their laps of honour.  
“Don’t worry about her.” The Canadian skater warned Nina.  
“But-” The Russian girl started.  
“No, ‘but’! You think she would care about you if she would win?”  
“No... Probably not.”  
“Then, just try and enjoy your win...”

“Yu-” Nina started when she stepped out from the ice with a Russian flag and tons of flowers, and saw the other standing not far from her, but she couldn’t finish, as J.J. simply marched down Yuri.  
“Move blondie!” He shepherded the young Russian out of his way, not even wasting a blink on him.  
“WHAT?” Yuri shouted, but it didn’t seem to move J.J..  
Nina tried to hold back her giggle, but she couldn’t, what made the blonde even more irate, but in the next moment, her laughter stilled in her throat as J.J. tightly hugged her and Angelique to himself at the same time.  
“You were both awesome!”  
“Tha-thank you...” Nina squeezed out. “Can you... Please... You are choking me...”  
Of course, she was telling a lie, but she got what she wanted: the young man released her immediately.  
“I didn’t want...”  
“It’s fine.” The girl shrugged.  
and continued to shower his sister with his compliments.  
“You were really great.” Sebastian – who followed his brother - added on a silent voice.  
“Thanks.”  
“This is for you.” The Canadian skater held out a bouquet of colourful freesias.  
“You really shouldn’t...” Nina felt her cheeks are burning. “I mean, there’s no need... You are my friend...”  
“That is why it’s needed.”  
“They are really beautiful.” The girl took the flowers and inhaled their scent. “And you remembered, those are my favourites.”  
“Photo everyone!” J.J. grabbed Nina’s arm and pulled the girl to his side. Sebastian stepped next to her with s faint smile on his face.  
“Sorry for that...”  
“I got used to that he is quite a handful.” The black haired girl shrugged and let the Canadian skater took tons of selfies with her and his siblings, perfecting the art of how to hide the tenseness due to the touches.

As soon as she was ‘freed’ from the Canadians, she felt a new pair of arms being wrapped around her waist and she got a stingy kiss on her cheek.  
“Nina... Congratulations!”  
“Em!” The girl turned around a looked at the Czech skater. She wanted to hug him because she needed somebody to be tenderly kind to her like how Emil always was, but her whole body was aching and she was touched a way more already than she was wanted to be, so she just smiled and took a step back. “Thanks for watching me!”  
“Of course... Are you all right?”  
“Yes, yes...” Nina wiped of a rouge mop of hair from her face. “Just tired a little. And I still have to face the press... You know how it is...” She wrinkled her nose and that made Emil laugh.  
“Everybody knows... Well, good luck for that.”  
“Thanks...” Nina muttered not happily at all, and with a deep sigh, she mustered herself with all the energy she had left to meet with the reporters. As she stepped next to the spot where Yuri - who was already gone of course - was shoved by J.J. earlier, she saw a single flower with same greens in cellophane dropped onto the floor: a white-burgundy bicolour carnation...

“What do you think what are your brother’s plan for next season?”  
The reporters went over the short, usual questions about Nina and her gold, and jumped on what really interested them: Viktor.  
“I’m not sharing information on his behalf.” The girl answered on a chilly tone. ‘Here it comes...’ She thought.  
“But you know something, right? He shares his plans with you, if I’m not wrong...”  
“He is my brother... I think that answers the question.”  
“If you are that close as you always seem and you state... Why is he not here? Is he not interested?”  
“Viktor is a professional, just like me.” Nina adjusted the gold medal in her neck a little. Zakhar took her flowers and the gifts she got earlier, so she couldn’t hide behind them. “He has his trainings and his competition schedules planned in advance, he can’t just run around as he likes... Even though he sometimes seem to do that... He knows exactly when he can afford to be lazy and when he can’t, and I entirely respect that.”  
“So even though, he is not here, you sure he was watching you live stream?”  
“Was there a live stream of this event?” Nina threw back the question. “I didn’t know about that. And he most likely is at the ice rink at this time in the morning.”  
“And he couldn’t find the time? Three minutes one day and five at the other?”  
“What can or what can’t my brother do is out of my decision. That is between him and his coach.”  
“You are quite like him at his age, you know.”  
“I get that a lot.”  
“Do you think he is proud of you?”  
“You have to ask this from him.”  
“He never tells you?”  
“What kind of question is that?” Nina’s tone was sharp now.  
“He is your legal guardian. As soon as he turned eighteen he applied for that... You lived with him for a while, right?”  
“Uhm... Kind of...” ‘It’s more like I lived at his place while he was away...’ The girl commented in herself.  
“You are not close to any other of your family members just him, and you tell us, he never really talks to you?”  
“My private life is my concern and I would prefer if you would not ask anymore about it. Does anyone have a question not related to that?”  
“Me.” A reporter raised a hand.  
“Go on then.”  
“How are you feeling about your senior debut? You think it will go smoothly? There are very serious debates about where you are going to land at the medal table at your first senior Grand Prix... And I know you just stated you don’t want any questions about your family, but don’t you feel... detached?”  
“Detached? How?”  
“From your brother... Your debut in senior makes you an ‘adult’ in the skating word. Isn’t that moves some strings?”  
“My debut means I’m going to be at the SAME league as my brother...”  
“Yes. You won’t be his little sister anymore. You’ll be one of the ladies who skate in single.”  
“Considering that he is older than me with around twelve years, I don’t feel that this would tear us apart.” ‘Because we are already torn apart.’ “And to answer the first part of your question: that is a little bit far to talk about yet. I still have championships in Junior and before the GP, I have the Challenger series which are going to be a good warm up to be in senior. You can ask this the soonest again after the U.S. International Figure Skating Classic.”  
“You are assigned to quite a few championships in the season... Are you sure you can handle them?”  
“Just as usual.” The short answer came.  
“Then, good luck to you and Viktor.”  
“Thank you. In his name too.”  
As soon as the reporters cleared out, Nina leant against the wall and let out a shaky breath. When she was telling Zakhar she has a fever, she was not whining... She really felt sick. And it just got worse. She touched her forehead and even for her, it seemed hot.  
“Shit...” She muttered to herself and closed her burning eyes. She needed to keep it together for the appearances, but now she was finally alone... The reporter’s question about her drifting farer from Viktor because she is changing into senior bothered her more than it should. It seemed like just yesterday and a hundred years at the same time when she first met her brother...

_The doorbell rang but nobody answered it. Viktor peeked out from his room with his poodle by his side._   
_“Mum, the door!” When nobody answered his call, he repeated. “Mum! Mum...?”_   
_Of course, he knew exactly who is coming, he was prepared, but he was not even one percent sure what he is going to do with this moment. The bell rang again and again, and the dog trotted to the door with loud barking, so if anybody in the apartment would try to hid they are home, their plan went do dust in that moment. Finally, Viktor just gave up with a shrug and stepped after his dog._   
_“Shh, boy... It’s all right.” It was not, the whole situation was not, but he couldn’t help it. He put his hand on the knob and slowly turned it, to open the door. There was a woman standing there, she was in her thirties with brown hair and warm, dark eyes._   
_“Hi.” She smiled. “You must be Viktor. Are you excited to be a big brother?”_   
_“I-” But Viktor couldn’t finish it because in that moment, the woman stepped aside a little, revealing the one who was clinging into her long skirt._   
_“Ni-”_   
_“Nina...” The boy finished the name and with those simple four letters, he fell in love..._   
_The girl standing in the doorstep was dressed into a simple and over washed dress, knitted tights and worn out shoes. Her wavy black hair was falling free, except a tiny, white hairclip keeping a few locks in check to not to fell into her face. She was tiny and skinny, a bag of rattling bones and her face was pale with her cheeks sunken a little and her eyes... She was looking at Viktor with his own eyes, full with fear and uncertainty, her tiny hands shaking as she tried to hid behind the woman again, but she didn’t let her. She was so small, so alone such a sad little creature and yet, Viktor never saw anything more perfect than her in his whole life..._   
_“My, my Nina,” the woman giggled “don’t be shy, this is your older brother, I’m sure you will like each other very much.”_   
_“Hi.” Viktor knelt down and gave the little girl his most sunny smile. “I’m Viktor and this is Makkachin, “he patted the poodle” and we are both very happy to see you.”Nina muttered something and her eyes filled with tears. “No, no!” Viktor held up his hands. “It is fine I won’t hurt you...” He looked up to the women._   
_“I’m afraid; she is not really speaking Russian... Or anything else for that matter. She rarely speaks at all but she seems to understand Belarusian as much as her age allows... In her previous home, they mainly used Belarusian but she went to a Russian nursery, so she should be able to get it, but with her... Who knows...”_   
_“I see.” Viktor nodded and turned back to Nina. “Mianie kličuć Viktar, i ja vieĺmi rady sustrecca z vami. JA tvoj brat.” He was not sure he didn’t say something completely idiotic, he just looked it up earlier, but it seemed to work._   
_“Brother?” The girl asked on a weak voice._   
_“YES!” Viktor smiled. “Your brother, Ninachka! And I got you something!” He fished out the little package from his pocket – he put it there so if the situation would call for it, he could use it but if not, well... nobody saw it – and offered it his sister._   
_“What’s that?” Nina asked on Belarusian but when she didn’t get an answer, she repeated it on Russian._   
_“Present.”_   
_“Present?”_   
_“A gift.”_   
_“Gift?” The girl seemed confused._   
_“Don’t tell me...” Viktor’s eyes widened and he covered his mouth with his hand. “You don’t know what a ‘present’ means???” He whispered trough his fingers._

_Nina was somewhere until this time, where she didn’t like. There were people around her, they spoke on a language she knew but she always felt alone because it was cold and there was a man yelling at her, and there was the another place where with a lots of children like her and they were speaking a different language, but it was generally good. She got food and nobody yelled at her. But one day, people came and she was not at the somewhere anymore... She couldn’t really remember how she got to next somewhere, but she was there for a time and now, the third somewhere... But this was somehow different. There was a dog there and a boy with long, long beautiful hair, who seemed to speak both languages what she could understand and who seemed so warm, so shiny... Like the sun. He was smiling and his voice was kind. He was her ‘brother’ what she didn’t really understand, but she suspected it maybe means she doesn’t have to go away from here... The shiny person, held something in his hand, something which he called ‘present,’ but Nina didn’t know what that means, so she just stood there. She was tired and hungry but learnt already she shouldn’t ask for anything, and mainly answers if she is spoken too. After the first few slaps, she learnt to keep her mouth shut. The shiny person suddenly seemed troubled and Nina winced. Is it her fault? It has to be... But the shiny person just opened the package and held up something._   
_“See? It’s a martyoshka doll.”_   
_“Maryos?” Nina tried to pronounce the word, but she couldn’t. The shiny person laughed a little and put the silver string with the doll on it, around her neck. “Here.” He gently touched her face and his fingers were soft and warm._   
_“Vitya, who do you talking to?”_   
_A sudden, cold voice joined them and Nina saw a tall woman in the door after a few minutes. She seemed angry and was nothing like the shiny person, who stood up now to talk to her. The women who brought her here started to talk and from her and the cold woman’s voices it seemed something is wrong... Again. Even the shiny person seemed sad... And it was because of her... Maybe if she would give that ‘gift’ to him... Nina didn’t want to see him sad. He was just too warm and smiley for it..._

_Viktor felt a gentle tug on his jeans. He looked down and saw Nina, holding the necklace he just gave her in her hands. She held it up like if she was offering them to him._   
_“Wha-” The boy didn’t understand. “No, that’s yours.”_   
_After the girl didn’t succeed she turned to Viktor’s mother and offered the necklace to her too and in that moment, he got it. She wanted to give it back because she thought she did something wrong and wanted to correct it... Viktor just stared at the tiny girl for a moment, then couldn’t help it, he bent down, lifted his sister and pulled her into a tight hug. The girl was stiff for a few moments, than wrapped her little arms around Viktor’s neck._   
_“Ninachka...” Viktor whispered and understood he lost. This lithe, scared fairy wrapped him around her little finger even though she hardly did anything, and he knew he won’t be able to free himself anymore... He fell under the strongest spell ever: he became a sibling. He became a big brother._

“Nina! What are you doing here?”  
The girl unwillingly opened her eyes and focused on the group not far from her. It was Mila and Yuri.  
“I-”  
“Are you all right?” Mila stepped closer to the girl.  
“Fine.” Nina pushed herself away from the wall, but she immediately felt dizzy and her knees buckled. If Mila wouldn’t catch her, she would fell.  
“Hey!” She tried to keep the other girl on her feet, but the raven haired skater was hanging on her like deadweight. “Help me!”  
“She is nothing just trouble...” Yuri muttered, but he wrapped one arm around Nina’s waist and held her on her feet. “She is trembling...”  
“She has a fever.” Mila confirmed, checking the girl’s forehead. “And it seems to be very high.”  
“Shit.” The blonde skater muttered.  
“What’s going on here?” A sharp question rose behind them. It was Georgi and he certainly looked very worried.  
“Nina is sick.” Mila filled him in shortly.  
“I’m... fine...” The mentioned muttered.  
“Fine, my ass!” Yuri hissed.  
“I’m... just-”  
“She is just tired.” An ice cold voice cut into the girl’s sentence. Zakhar was standing in the junction of the bigger corridor where they were standing and a smaller one, leading up to the rink itself. “Leave her alone.”  
“She is not tired!” Yuri shouted. “And you know that too!”  
“Things concerning Nina and what I know or what I’m not, is neither of your business... Especially not yours.”  
“What do you mean?” The blonde skater snorted.  
“Of course,” Zakhar flashed a sharp, cruel smile “you don’t know.”  
“Don’t...” Nina whispered.  
“Why not?” Zakhar cooed on a low and sweet voice, but sounded like poisoned honey instead of appealing. “He acts like if he has anything to do with you...” He looked into Yuri’s eyes. “How you think you have the right to interfere in Nina’s life after what you did to her? Of course you weren’t around so you didn’t see it, but I tell you know it was not the job of my life, sweeping together the pieces to what you broke her and glue them together with her idiot brother... Not if he would be any really useful help, but at least, he didn’t make it worse. I don’t know what are you planning now, but I would appreciate it if you would stay away from my skater. She learnt it in the hard way to only focus on her career and threw useless relationships and feeling out of the window and I want it to stay like this. Right Nina?”  
The girl closed her eyes for a moment, than stretched herself and pushed away Yuri and stood trembling, hardly keeping herself on her feet.  
“Yes coach. Thank you.”  
“WHAT?” Yuri shouted. “Nina, you don’t see what he-”  
“Enough!” Zakhar thundered. “Leave alone my skater this instant, or-”  
“Or... what?” the blonde Russian snorted. “You hit me?”  
“Yes.” The short answer came. “Don’t you think I wouldn’t.”  
“Let’s see then what you got, I’m not afraid of you!”  
“Yuri... enough.” Nina asked silently.  
“No! This is crazy and not good... on any level!”  
“But you sure know what is good for me, right?” Nina asked sarcastically.  
“No, I just-”  
“After what you did,” the girl hissed “how dare you to step in and say something like that? What do you know about me or my life anyway? You think you just waltz back into my life and do as you wish again”? Nina didn’t know anymore what’s happening and why, she just felt she is in pain and this whole situation didn’t help at all. Everything and everybody hurt, her head throbbed, she felt queasy, dizzy, hot and cold at the same time... She just wanted this to be over, she just wanted it to be over...  
“Are you nuts?” Yuri snapped. “It’s nothing like that! It was never and it never will be! It’s just-” He couldn’t finish his sentence. He didn’t understand what is happening and why, but something sour squeezed his heart to the girl’s spiteful words. Why is she attacking him so suddenly?  
“Just... what?” Nina’s voice was trembling.  
“Nothing. Whatever.” He shrugged defensively.  
“Then, leave me alone already.”  
“As you wish. But you know you can’t continue competing like this.”  
“This is just a fever. I have a few days before Italy to sleep it out.”  
“I could care less about your fever.”  
From his look, Nina understood he meant her foot.  
“Što jon kaža?” Zakhar asked suspiciously.  
“Maja naha. I told you already. Jon byŭ tam.”  
The man turned to Yuri and the look on his face was so dark, he subconsciously took a step back .  
“Enough form this! I tell you all what’s going to happen. You clear out from her and keep your mouth shut everything!”  
“And why would we do such a thing?”  
“Enough form your backtalk you filthy brat! Or that is what you want? Ruining Nina’s career, her life? Then, go around and shout on every corner what happened for all I care! That I’m such a cruel person and she is the poor victim! But after, I wouldn’t want to be around to see what you get from her...”  
“Maybe I’m such a horrible person, but I seem to care for Nina more in this only matter than you did in your whole life! I go and tell everyon-”  
“No.” Nina interrupted. “You just care about what YOU think is good for me. If you would really want what is the BEST for me, you wouldn’t even bring up this whole topic, knowing what I think about it.”  
“But what you think is twisted! It’s not normal, it’s not right! You need someone to think for you with a clear head because you can’t” As soon as he said it, Yuri regretted his words, but there was no chance to take them back.  
“And that would be you? Anyway, thank you for your opinion.” Nina said coldly. She was so pale, even her lips were white and her pupils were so big, the irises of her eye almost disappeared.  
“Come Nina.” Zakhar put his hand on his skater’s shoulder, ignoring her wince and her grimace, gently pushing her forward. “We need to think about how to save the remains of your career after he opens his mouth.” As they stepped next to Yuri, he smiled and looked down to the blonde Russian. “See, Plisestky? Once a traitor, always a traitor... You may grow older, but you didn’t change a thing... You betrayed her friendship and you plan to do it again.”  
Yuri clenched his fists and dig his nails so deep into his palm, it nearly started bleeding. He wanted to shout, wanted to punch something, do something to lift the hard feeling from his chest, but he was helpless. He couldn’t do anything. He played and he lost. Nina was not even “his”, not even a friend to him, but he “lost” her to this lunatic, this monster...  
“We won’t tell anyone.” He choked out finally on a tensed voice as he turned back to look at Nina’s back. “You should.”  
To that, Nina stopped for a second.  
“Don’t tell me what to do, Plisestky.”  
“What...the... what the hell was that?” Mila whispered in a shock after the raven haired girl and her coach disappeared on the corridor, exchanging a look with the also wordless Georgi.  
“What would it be? Nothing.” Yuri shrugged again and pulled the hood of his jacket onto his head.  
“You know the drill.” Zakhar said silently as they walked on.  
“Sure.” Nina muttered. They had the protocol occasions like these, when she was hurt or sick: just keep up the appearance one step at a time, and after, as soon she was alone, she could give in. Just one more step, just one more... The world was disappearing in a colourful blur, but Nina kept walking. One step at a time, one step at a time... “So hold your head high gorgeous, people would kill to see you fall, in the dead of the night they can’t hear you screaming, you swear revenge, against them all.” She whispered. This was the first thing what she learnt from Zakhar, and she repeated as a mantra in times like these. “So stay strong beautiful,” she continued “it won’t matter it they think less of you here, but you cry by the window when wishes in moonlight don’t come true, doesn’t mean you have to fear...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> RUSSIAN ANTHEM
> 
> Rossiya – svyashchennaya nasha derzhava,  
> Rossiya – lyubimaya nasha strana.  
> Moguchaya volya, velikaya slava –  
> Tvoyo dostoyan'ye na vse vremena!  
> Slav'sya, Otechestvo nashe svobodnoye,  
> Bratskikh narodov soyuz vekovoy,  
> Predkami dannaya mudrost' narodnaya!  
> Slav'sya, strana! My gordimsya toboy!
> 
> Russia – our sacred state,  
> Russia – our beloved country.  
> A mighty will, a great glory –  
> Yours forever for all time!  
> Be glorious, our free Fatherland,  
> Ancient union of brotherly peoples,  
> Ancestor-given wisdom of the people!  
> Be glorious, our country! We are proud of you!
> 
> Mianie kličuć Viktar, i ja vieĺmi rady sustrecca z vami. JA tvoj brat. - My name is Viktor, and I am very happy to meet you. I am your brother. [Belarusian]
> 
> Što jon kaža? - What is he talking about? [Belarusian]  
> Maja naha. - My foot. Jon byŭ tam. - He was there. [Belarusian]


	9. IX.

“Love, the deadliest of all deadly things: It kills you both when you have it and when you don’t.” — Lauren Oliver

 

“Yakov, may I have a word?”   
The old coach turned to the younger one with a stern expression.  
“What do you want?”  
Zakhar ran his eyes up and down on the Russians around Yakov, but he decided he didn’t care.  
“Keep your skaters away from mine, especially that ghostly blonde boy of yours. This is the first and last time I ask.”  
The older coach raised an eyebrow.  
“It’s their business, not ours. If Nina doesn’t wants to be with them, she can tell it herself. But note that, she knows Georgi and Yuri longer than you know her. And I know her longer too.”  
“Still, I am her coach and I don’t want your people around her. It’s that simple and clear.”  
“What do you expect me to do? Follow them around and smack their heads if I see them talk?”  
“Hey, you know we are here too, right?” Yuri asked on an angry voice.  
“Yes, but I hoped you learnt to shut your mouth when grownups are talking. If I remember correctly, your parents drilled that discipline into you.”  
“You little-”   
But before Yuri could finish it, Georgi put his hand onto his shoulder and shook his head. ‘It’s not worth it.’ His eyes said.  
“See, Plisestky, I know much... Well, to be frank, I know everything.”  
“You don’t know shit!” The blonde skater snapped.  
“Yuri... We are at the middle of the airport...” Georgi tried again.  
“And?” Yuri shook down the hand from himself. “But don’t worry;” he threw the words to Zakhar “we stay away from you and Nina. Any sane person would want to keep its distance from that disaster Nikiforov. She is nothing but trouble. Everywhere she goes, she leaves nothing, but ruins behind.”  
To that, Zakhar measured Yuri from head to toe and gave him a smile what supposed to be genuine, but turned to be dark and condescending.  
“Guess, your own medicine taste quite sour, isn’t it? I say it one more time, just to be sure you understand: stay away from my skater. If I see you again anywhere near her, you will regret it. All of you.”

***

“Angel, look at this.” Zakhar threw his tablet onto Nina’s bed. The girl was lying between the pillows and the sheets almost disappearing in the king sized bed, her foot resting on a pile of cushions taken from the small sofa under the window. They travelled to Italy on first class and fancy rooms were waiting for them in an expensive hotel. Clearly, the sponsors thought, this competition is more prestigious than the previous one. Since they arrived to Canazei , Nina did nothing but sleeping and eating a few bites when she woke up a few hours and it did some good, but far not enough. She was still pale and her fever came back from time to time, even though it wasn’t as high as after the competition.   
“What...?” She asked on a sleepy voice. “I don’t care. Take it away; I don’t want to see it.”  
“Of course you do.” Zakhar sat down to the side of the bed, pushed the play button on the screen and held the tablet in front of his skater. “It was uploaded yesterday.”  
“I know that routine.” Nina worked up herself on the pillows to get a better look. “It’s Viktor’s.”  
“Some kind of low ranked skater tried to copy him and the video ended online. What a shame for him... I bet he thought he is going to be famous and appreciated, but-”  
“Shh!” Nina cut into his sentence and took the tablet from her coach. “Let me watch it.”  
“Why? Angel, you can’t be really interested in this nonsen-”  
“Shh!”  
“Please... Even you could skate this routine better.”  
“EVEN ME?” Nina tore her eye away from the video. “What does suppose to mean?”  
“Don’t need to be so worked up... I meant you are fourteen years old and a girl. That routine is designed for your brother. But you could pull it out as your movements are similar to his.”  
“I’m not like Viktor!” Nina snapped.  
“Many ways, you are, thank God. You inherited just what you needed from him; talent, grace, style, emotional attachment...”  
“You make me sound like a cheap copy.” Nina wrinkled her nose.  
“I didn’t say you are the same, just similar. You use what got differently, but one needs to be blind not to see you take after him. I just don’t get it, why are you so against that... You should play it to your advantage.”  
Nina’s grip tightened around the tablet.  
“I’m not some kind of small Viktor! I am my own person and I get to the top without using him as a stepping stone!”  
“Noble intentions.” Zakhar giggled dryly and stood up. “But as his sister, you are using him, doesn’t matter if you want it or not. It is just how things are.”  
“Not it isn’t!” The girl hissed.  
“Yes it is. And the sooner you accept it and start to use it, the sooner-”  
“Sooner what?” Nina snorted. “Anyway,” she threw the tablet on the bed “I’m not going to have this conversation.”  
“You are doing what you are told by me.”  
“This is not related to skating.”  
“It’s even more related than your routines or that you are winning or not.”  
“Maybe you are right. But I still won’t have this conversation and that’s my final word in this matter.”  
“You realize that the person who holds you back the most is you, right?”  
“Then, I have to sort it out with myself, and in that case, you are still not needed in the conversation.”  
“You are so reluctant sometimes....” Zakhar sighed.  
“Whatever.” Nina shrugged, lied back to her pillows and pulled the blanket over her head. “I’m tired, I want to sleep. Leave me alone.”  
“As you wish.” The man collected the tablet from the bed. “It’s really flattering for your brother. This video.”  
Nina snorted again and pulled the blanket lower, so she could look at her coach.  
“The whole world wants to be Viktor Nikiforov.”  
“Except you.”  
“Because I know what it takes to be and they don’t.”  
“To be him?”  
“To be a Nikiforov.”  
“Fair enough.” Zakhar was slowly patting his palm with the notepad. “By the way you never thought about it?”  
“About what?”  
“Skating with him.”  
“You mean in pair? I had my fair share from that and it was enough, thank you.”  
“Liar. But what I meant, he could be your coach.”  
Nina sat up in the bed again and started at her coach in disbelief.   
“First, he is an active skater. And second, he would be a terrible coach. He is selfish, scatter brained and a drama queen. Plus, he would never leave skating to coach someone. He is not that person who would put anyone in front of himself. But why are we even talking about this? You got tired and want to pass me down to my brother?”  
“Never, Angel... Never. It was just because I saw somebody else skating his routine and I thought how it would be if you would do something with what he come up. It would be very interesting... And way too unfair.”  
“Unfair?” Nina asked back. This whole conversation was surreal to her. Her coach talking about something like that... What happened to the world? Zakhar thinking about something like that? He never allowed Nina to mingle with other skaters not even during practises, she could never go into a training camp, never had a rink mate who skated under her coach too, all her routines, music and costumes were chosen, made and supervised by him and him alone, never letting in anybody else. And how he has thoughts about Nina doing something under somebody else?  
“Just think it trough.”  
“No. I don’t waste my time on useless things. Viktor would never be a coach and this is whole ‘talking about it’ goes nowhere.”  
“Okay.”  
Nina narrowed her eyes. Something was fishy in this situation.  
“What’s wrong with you?” She asked bluntly. “You rather die than even think about letting me working with somebody else and you were ‘thinking about’ that maybe my brother could be my coach?”  
“I let you work with Konstantinov.” Zakhar noted.  
“That’s because you are greedy, plus you are supervising us, we are not working alone. So?” Nina leant forward. “What’s the deal? You are hiding something in that rotten head of yours.”  
“More respect Angel, how many times I have to warn you?” But because Nina just raised an eyebrow and waited in silence, the man continued. “What about I let you... Just theoretically... Skate someone else’s choreography? You brother does his all the time; he could make one for you... For your senior debut. Just imagine it, the impact... People would die for it. The two Nikiforovs working together, Viktor looking after his little sister, helping her in every way he can now she is going to debut in senior, like how a good big brother should...”  
To that, Nina started to laugh, but it was a dry laughter without the spark of happiness.  
“Please, this is ridiculous.”  
“Why? Everyone is melting into puddles when it comes to the tender love between you and him... If they would see you working together...”  
“Stop it, you are disgusting.” Nina sighed. She should know something like that is coming. “Tender love, my ass... This is nothing, but your greed talking again.”  
“I’m just managing your career angel.”  
“Then manage it to an another direction.”  
“Why? Don’t you see the opportunity in this?”  
“No.”  
“Angel...”  
“NO.”  
“And you are reluctant again, forgetting that I know you. You would die to have your brother by your side, to have his attention, to feel he put you first for a time...”  
“Enough.” Nina gripped her blanket, sinking her nails into the soft material, lowering her head and letting her hair cover her face. “Don’t taunt me anymore.” She whispered.  
“Then, be honest.”  
“Why? What good it would do? It doesn’t changes the facts.”  
“Angel, I offer you to get what you want and you repel me like if I was offering you something utterly horrible.”  
“Because you did. You want me to say yes to something what could never happen and therefore it’s terrible to mock me with it.”  
“You are so sure about he would neglect you.”  
“I know him, better than anyone else.”  
“I wouldn’t bet on that.”  
“I thought you would always bet on me.”  
“When it comes about skating, yes. But on a personal level-”  
“You don’t trust anyone.” Nina finished the sentence instead of him.  
“Just like you.”  
“Any idea who is the reason I’m like this?” The girl asked on a mocking tone, implying it’s all Zakhar’s fault.  
“Sure.” The man nodded. “Your birth mother's who hates you and never cared about you, your stepfather's who abused you as a child, your father's who could never be bothered either, your brother's who set you up several times including your last two birthdays and your paternal family's who hate you as one."  
"Who can you be so horrible?" Nina whispered eyes widened.  
"If you want tenderness, go, join a crochet club!" Zakhar snapped. "I'm not here to nurse your hurt feelings about anything, I'm here to make sure, you skate the best what you are capable of; and if I have to make you sell yourself to the goddamn Satan himself, I swear I'm going to make you and the only answer what I'm going to hear is-"  
"Yes, coach." The girl muttered.  
"That's my golden girl. See, it's not that hard to act like how a grateful skater should toward its coach. But you said you are tired, so enough from this, for now. Eat something and get some sleep."  
"I'm not hungry."  
"It was not a request."  
"You can't make me."  
To that, devilish flames sparkled up in Zakhar's eyes.  
"Try me."  
Nina swallowed a big and turned her head away because she couldn't face that malicious look.  
"If you make me," she said after a few moments of silence "I won't step onto the ice tomorrow."  
"You wouldn't dare."   
Nina looked back at her coach with an expressionless face.  
"Try me."  
"Fine." Zakhar shrugged. "Suit yourself. If you don't want to eat, don't eat. If you don't want to sleep, don't sleep. I couldn't care less about what are you doing, just stand to the top of the podium the day after tomorrow."  
"Because that would make you happy?" Nina asked on a sour voice.  
"Because that is what you were born to do. You are destined to be the best, to surpass everybody, even your brother dearest." Now, maniac lights were dancing in the man's eyes. He leant down, grabbed Nina's arm and pulled her in front of his face until their noses were almost touching. "And even if I have to torture you to squeeze those results, God help me I will do so and I know I won't regret it. Was I clear?"  
Nina was frozen, like a fawn in front of car lights in the middle of the road. Zakhar's green eyes captured and didn't release her, so she just stared right into them, falling into the golden-green whirlpools. She hated this that she always proved to be weak against her coach's dark spell... Their breaths were mingling and Zakhar’s fingers were burning the girl’s arm with cold sensation.   
“Was. I. Clear?” Zakhar repeated.  
"Yes... Yes, coach."

***

The phone’s ringing was so harsh, Nina felt she could cry. It was the middle of the night and it hurt more than it should for her to wake up. And why on earth the phone was ringing? She adjusted it to accept from calls from anyone... Except...  
“Da?” She asked on a husky voice. Her throat felt like she was inhaling sand. In the middle of Siberia. “Chto?”  
“NINA TALK TO HIM NOW!”  
“What the...” The girl held away the phone from her ear and looked at the name. “Yakov???”  
“STOP HIM!”  
“And you... stop... yelling... I was sleeping. I have to skate a free program tomorrow... Whatever that idiot did this time, it can wait.”  
“THAT IDIOT MOVED TO JAPAN, TO COACH-”  
“WHAT? Now Nina was shouting too.  
“I SAID HE MOVED TO JAPAN TO COACH THAT BOY WHO-”  
“No! That... What... I don’t... I can’t...”  
“Nina, call him and make him come back to Russia! You are the only one to who he listens.”  
“We both know that’s not true.” The girl muttered. “You have better chance on him than me.”  
“He went crazy; he doesn’t listen to me anymore! You need to talk to him!”  
“He never listened to you to begin with. And neither to me, to finish with.”  
“Talk to him. Now.”  
“You are not my coach!” Nina snapped. “Don’t boss me around!”  
“Nina!”  
“Okay, okay... I’m sorry.”  
“Will you call him?”  
“Yes, yes, I will...” The girl sat up and ran her fingers through her hair.  
“Nina...”  
“Hm?  
“I’m sorry.”  
“Don’t.” With that, Nina hung up and tossed her phone to the bed. “Shit.” She muttered. “Shit. Shit. Shit.”

“How are you feeling about your brother’s decision?”  
“I-” Nina grabbed the gold medal in her neck and squeezed it.  
“His decision was so... shocking.” The reporter continued. This time they didn’t even bother to ask anything about Nina herself. “Everybody was waiting for something... different.”  
“What exactly? I don’t really understand.”  
“Somewhere deep, and I think I can speak for everyone here, we were all waiting for that when he retires, he is going to coach you.”  
“He didn’t retire. He is just taking a break.”  
“And he went to Japan to coach someone.”  
“Apparently, yes.”  
“I’m sure you knew all about this, but how it made you feel? Did you just accept it?”  
“I knew... all about...it?” Nina echoed.  
“Of course. That was maybe one of the most important decisions of his life... Of course he talked it trough with the person closest to him.”  
“I-” Nina took a deep breath. “It’s complicated. Also, he is an adult, living his own life. He doesn’t really need my approval.”  
“We at least expected him to help you about your senior debut. It would be everyone’s dream come true.”  
“That would be really problematic now he is in Japan. And by the way, he doesn’t owe you anything.” Nina was squeezing the medal so hard, the ribbon around her neck was cutting into her flesh. She didn’t want to talk about it, not now, not with these people... “My training is my private business, with, or without my brother in it.”  
“Oh, about that...” An another reporter joined. “How is that going to work out? You move to Japan too?”  
“Excuse me?”  
“He is your legal guardian, and, despite of your career, you are still fourteen years old...”  
“Well,” Nina cleared her throat “I’m sure, I’m staying in St.Petersburg at least the end of the school year.”  
“And who is going to look after you?”  
“I will.” Nina felt the weight of an arm around her shoulder. It was Zakhar. “As you already know, in my contract, there is a passage about how I’m saying the last word in everything connected to Nina’s training and this situation pretty much covers it. And now, if you don’t mind, we have a plane to catch.” With that, the man led her out from the ring of the reporters, firmly holding her by her shoulders.  
“I think, I’m going to throw up.”  
“Don’t you dare!”  
“You know I won’t... But I want to.”  
“Sure you do. Those idiots... I’m not training you to get questions about your brother... If they want something from him, they should ask him!”  
“You sound like a whiny dance mom.” Nina commented with a half smile and pushed her coach’s arm away. “Thank you, I can walk on my own perfectly.  
“Shut up!” Zakhar snapped.  
“Sorry, coach.”  
“Instead of babbling nonsense, go back to your room and pack your stuff.”  
“I’m finished already. I only have to add what is on me now.”  
“Well, good. I don’t want to spend a moment more than necessary here.”  
“You mean Canazei? Why? I like this place.”  
“Because... I announced that I’m retiring from skating here.”  
“Oh...” Nina looked up to her coach. “I didn’t know.”  
“Of course you didn’t. It doesn’t weigh into your training, so you don’t have to care about it. But I’m surprised you didn’t look up everything connected to me online already. You can be very thorough when it comes to things.”  
“Only when I’m interested.” Nina answered on a sassy voice. “And anyway, it only stated that you announced your retirement in Italy and the year. There was no city written.”  
“What?”  
“Your Wikipedia page.”   
“So you checked me out.”  
“Sure thing. Even though this sounded a little pervert.”  
“Just in your head, angel.”

Nina closed her suitcase and sat down to the sofa. It was the beginning of April, a cold but sunny day, so she opened the window and let gentle mountain breeze caress her face as she looked out. It was a weekday but the streets seemed calm, except the skaters and their teams who were slowly leaving the Italian village where the competition was held... Behind the houses the mountains were clearly visible and the air was crispy and clear. The girl could watch this forever... Sometimes she craved to live like this, far away from everything, especially from that she is a Nikiforov... Everybody envied her name, her position, her success, but nobody seemed to be aware of the weight and the sacrifices what she had to carry, and what she had to make to be where she was... The girl finally tore her eyes away from the mountains and lay back on the sofa – which was only moved to her room by her previous request. Sometimes she hated that she is skater and just wanted to get out, but in her heart he knew she would never trade her life for anything. She could live an ordinary life, but anybody could do that, while nobody else could live the life she was living...  
With a deep sigh, she stood up to go find her coach, when her door swung open. Nina nearly sat back in surprise when she saw Aleksandar in the door.   
“Alek... What are you doing here?”  
“Why didn’t you answer my calls? My texts? I was worried!”  
“Wha... Oh... I changed my phone’s settings so no one could call me...”  
“Except your brother’s coach?”  
“You talked with Yakov?”  
“I said, I was worried!”  
“Then why didn’t you call Zakhar?”  
“Because he fuckin doesn’t answer his phone either!” Alek snapped. “You are really two of a kind!”  
“And you didn’t hear about something called ‘the news’? You would see I’m fine and I won...”  
“Don’t give me that shit!” Alek stepped into the room and slammed the door behind himself. “You didn’t have the tiniest idea of-”  
“Alek,” Nina held up her hands “calm down... Please. Everything is fine.”  
“No, nothing is fine!”  
“What is your problem?” The girl narrowed her eyes. “I mean, REALLY.”  
“I thought we were friends and you just... forgot me! Forgot all of us! I had to make up some shitty excuses for the others, why you were already on your plane by the time we went to your hotel to meet you and why you are ignoring all my efforts to contact you!”  
“And you thought the solution to this situation is that you come all the way here and yell this at me?”  
“I needed to see if you are all right, in person.”  
“Alek...” Nina sighed. “Look, I’m sorry. I really didn’t think you would be so worried.” She didn’t really know how to handle this, she was usually on the giving end of this situation, not the receiving... “I... I was quite busy in the last few days, you know, and-”  
“God, do you hear yourself? You sound exactly like your brother, if what you are saying about your fights is true...”  
“I’m not my brother!” Nina hissed. “It’s just... Nobody ever worried about me like that, so it didn’t occur to me-”  
“Didn’t occur?” Alek echoed. “Didn’t occur?”  
“Yes, it didn’t!” The girl snapped. “I live alone, my family hates me, I have only two friends who are living across the world in Canada, my coach knows where I am and what I am doing, not like if he would really care and my brother... he... he is never around, so yes, it didn’t occur!” Nina spread her arms. “Are you happy now? Did you want to hear this?” For a few moments, they stared at each other angrily then the girl turned her head away. “But it doesn’t matter anyway... We are flying back to Russia soon and everything is going to be as it was.”  
“No, it won’t.” Alek said firmly.  
“What?” The skater girl looked back at her friend. “Why?”  
“I watched your routines here too and I heard from Mila you had a serious fever after your free skate in Hungary, so I decided: I’m not going to practice with you until you fully recovered.”  
“WHAT?” Nina could hardly choke out even this one word.  
“You heard me.”  
“But... But the show is just around the corner!”  
“I know.”  
“And what if I don’t recover until the start?”  
“Then you are out.” Alek’s face pale, but his look was steady and calm. “The state what you are in is everything but normal or healthy. I can’t and I won’t take this risk.”  
“Because of you?” The raven haired skater asked sourly.  
“Because of YOU.”  
“Really? This is your reason?” Nina chuckled on a crying voice. “You know, the only problem with this is somehow in the past few days the whole population of Earth seemed to become more of an expert on what is good for ME, than ME, so thank you but I don’t need any more insight on myself.”  
“Ni, I won’t argue with you over this. My word is final.”  
“How can you do this?” Nina whispered, full of pain. “How? I thought we were friends.”  
“Friends don’t ignore each other.”  
“I said I’m sorry!” The girl shouted. “What else do you want from me?”  
“Get better. After that, we talk again.”  
“I should have known.” Nina sat back onto the sofa. “I should have known you are going to stab me in the back as soon I look away for second, like everybody else.”  
“Ni,” Alek sat next to the girl and tried to take her hand, but she pulled it away. “I’m doing this for you.”  
“Strange, I don’t remember asking for anything like this...” The raven haired skater clenched her fingers and stood up to be farer from Alek. “And I don’t think that is how friends act... they supposed to trust each other. Why don’t you trust me?”  
“I repeat: I can’t risk you.”  
“And you think this one sided decision is right? YOU can’t risk ME and that’s the end of the story? Where is my word in this matter which involves me quite heavily?”  
“You don’t have any.”  
“And you call this a friendship?”  
“Yes.”  
“Well, then I have to inform you that no friendship works like this.” Nina was condescending and sour. “Neither any kind of other relationship. If you think this is fine, something is seriously wrong with that how you picture relations between people.”  
“And how would you know?” Alek retorted and jumped up from the couch. “You admitted not so long ago that your life is empty and miserable as you have no ties with others, so you can hardly be a reliable resource!”  
Nina took a step back like if Alek would hit her and covered her mouth with her hand.  
“Get out.” She whispered between her fingers. Alek seemed like want to say something so she repeated. “Get. Out. NOW!”  
“Ni, I-”  
“Don’t.”  
Alek sighed and went to the door, but before he opened it, he stopped for a moment.  
“I’m sure you are going to understand one day, this was all for you.”  
“I don’t think so.” Nina crossed her arms in front of her, staring at the carpet.  
“Ni, I’d rather loose you now like this, than see you losing skating in the future because of your injury.” Alek was still gazing at the door.  
“You are a coward.” Nina sneered. “You are just afraid to trust me, afraid to bear the consequences of backing up my decisions-”  
“Even when they are horrible?”  
“Yes.”  
“Friends are for stopping you making those terrible decisions.”  
“No.” The girl opposed. “They are there to support those terrible decisions, no matter what.”  
“Never thought about that this ‘supporting’ could mean ‘holding back’ too?”  
Nina pressed her lips together but answered after a short pause.  
“They two are different things. You can’t do both at the same time.”  
“I’m really sorry for that you see this all in black and white.”  
“Everything is black and white. You can go and try to blur them into a grey smudge, but in your heart, you always going to know the truth.”  
“So... this is it?” Alek turned back.  
To the question, anger flashed under the ashes of sadness and hurt in Nina. She had enough from everyone turning their back on her, from everyone knowing better than her what she needed, from the betrayals, the pain, from being played again and again... That was it. The turning point. As she stood there, something snapped in her soul.  
“No.” She stretched herself and looked at Alek with a cold and determined gaze. “This is not it. Maybe you forgot, but we are bounded by a signed contract which states I’m only out if both my coach and the Midnight Circus decides I’m unfit to skate. Your last minute childish flare up is just dust in the wind.”  
Alek gasped.  
“You would never...”  
“Watch me.” Nina hissed.   
“If you do that... You prove to be a totally different person than I imagined.”  
“I was always the same. You were the one who tried to see me as somebody who you wished me to be.”


	10. X.

I got ice in my veins, blood in my eyes. Hate in my heart, love in my mind. - [Lil Wayne Ft. Eminem - Drop The World](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ErCAOMi5EGM)

“What happened, angel?” Zakhar asked when Nina stepped into the elevator next to him, yanking her suitcase behind her.  
“Is it that clearly on my face?”  
“Yes.” The man pushed the ground floor’s button.  
“Alek wants me out from our skating program.”  
“And why is that?”  
“He knows about my foot.” Nina confessed unwillingly. “At least, that is what he saying his reason is.” She added to point out that is not the real issue. She knew her coach wouldn’t be happy at all for the news.  
“And how many people know about your injury who you forgot to mention?” Zakhar’s voice was dangerously nonchalant.  
“No one.”  
“At least it’s not the half country. So? What do you wish me to do?”  
“I want to skate that program. I want to be in it.”  
“AND?”  
“What ‘and’?”  
“I’d like to hear it. Say it out loud.”  
Nina squeezed the handle of her suitcase.  
“Make sure they can’t kick me off. Do whatever it takes.”  
“But that could ruin the relationship between you and Konstantinov.”  
“Do. whatever. it .takes.” The girl repeated.  
“You behave strange.”  
“I’m just tired of being playing others’ games and apparently losing all the time. I’m playing my own from now on.”  
“Happy to hear that.”  
“Don’t be. This includes you too.”  
“Then I warn you now: I don’t care about what power games you play with others, but don’t try me. You would lose anyway.”  
“We shall see.”  
“No.” Zakhar swiped a few mops of hair out from Nina’s face and gently touched the spot where the bruise was supposed to be under the makeup. “We shall not. You can fool around as much as you wish, but remember, you are mine... What’s the answer?”  
“Yes coach.” Nina lowered her head a little.  
“Good.” Zakhar patted his skater’s face and the girl winced. “How are you anyway?”  
“Like I was chewed and spit out.”  
“The injection?”  
“It wears out slowly. I think it’s going to be enough until we get back to St.Petersburg, but I’m not sure.”  
“You love gambling... Asking me go wait almost until the last the moment with it...”  
“It was more logical. We didn’t need an another incident like the one in Hungary.”  
When they stepped out from the elevator, they found themselves face to face with a countable amount of cameras and reporters as Nina didn’t attend the main, seated interview section after the medal ceremony.  
“Play with them nicely.” The man whispered.  
“Why? If I’m rude to them, finally they leave me alone or start badmouthing me and that’s all. It’s not affecting my results on tournaments.”  
“Well...” Zakhar was wondering for a second.  
“You are my coach, not my manager and I’m a skater, not some goddamn celebrity. Why would we care about some idiot tabloid reporters? Or you are that worried about your public image?”  
“I have to give you that.” The man admitted. “Even though you are kind of a celebrity... You and Nikiforov.” He sighed and turned to the waiting crowd. “Is there anyone who wants to ask a reasonable thing from my skater or you just want to know about her brother? Because in that case, she is not available.”  
“But-” One reporter started.  
“I said,” Zakhar raised his voice “she is not available. If you want to ask about Nikiforov, ask him in person.”  
“He is in Japan!” An another reporter complained.  
“In that case, sucks to be you.” The man shrugged. “But I’m not here to let you harass my skater. Her and her brother’s private lives are theirs and that is my last word in this matter. Come angel, we have nothing to do here.”

“God, this was gruelling.” Nina sighed as she released the handle and even kicked into the suitcase what she immediately regretted, because she used her right foot. She had to deal with an another wave of reporters at the St.Petersburg airport which didn’t lift her spirits at all.  
“Jesus, what the fuck is wrong with me?” She whimpered as soon as she could talk again. “Really?” She asked from the empty air. “Was this is really necessary?” She stumbled down the floor, angrily slammed her door and dragged her boot off from her foot to check it. It was still ugly but maybe a little less swollen. Nina poked it and hissed instantly declaring herself as an idiot. With a sigh she stood up but before she could do anything, her phone beeped.  
“What now?” She muttered, but checked the text. It was from Zakhar, and said ‘Ice rink, now.’  
“That’s just... perfect.” Nina tugged her foot back to her boot; made herself a cup of coffee, poured it into her travel mug and her way down to the street she called herself a taxi. Usually she didn’t mind using public transport, even though it had the chance she is recognized and ‘forced’ to be kind to her fans, who asked for countless of autographs, commemorative photos of their meeting and always wanted to talk, which got on her nerves, especially when she was in a hurry, but when her coach ordered her like this it meant she has no time to waste plus now she was extremely tired and injured.

The receptionist greeted her with a smile and nod as usual. All the receptionists were the fan of her and Viktor what had its own flip and downsides. On the flipside, she could come and go as she wished always free for all charges – the owners of the rink prided themselves in that both of the Nikiforovs are training at their place, also Nina was the ice skate teacher of some of their girls - she got access for every room in the building, with a changing room just for herself (even though she had her own personal locker in the shared rooms with her name on it), she got the keys of the facility and the password for the alarm system to be able to practice on her own outside business hours and people were kicked out from the ice, sometimes last minute when her coach called the rink he wants the ice for her... And on the downside, all the staff was swooning over her and her brother and she had to keep up with it.  
“He is in the upper room with the others.” The receptionist informed her. “I watched your competitions. You were marvellous.”  
“Thanks...” Nina nodded, but she wasn’t really paying attention.  
“Is it true that your brother-”  
“Hm?” The girl finally caught up with the conversation. “What’s with him?”  
“Is it true he gave up his career and went to Japan to coach somebody?”  
“You see the news didn’t you?” Nina asked back.  
“But that... That is...” The receptionist was on the verge of tears.  
“Yeah.” The raven haired skater sighed and rolled her eyes, pretending this is nothing more than one of his brothers’s ‘misbehaving’. “Tell me about it.”  
“Poor thing, you must feel mortified.”  
She didn’t mean any harm, but to the receptionist’s last sentence Nina’s stomach knot itself into a tiny, nervous ball.  
“I’m fine.” She mumbled.  
“Oh, sweetie, of course you are not fine, but it’s just natural to-”  
“I have to go.” Nina cut into the woman’s sentence.  
“But-”  
“I said, I have to go.” With that, the girl nearly ran into the ice rink, leaving the receptionist hanging in the middle of her sentence.

She didn’t knock on the door just opened it. She knew this place better than anybody else. The ground floor was mainly occupied by the ice rink and the locker rooms plus some small rooms for clubs like art, reading, chess and knitting , also give place to a weekend school, but the second floor, which was the gallery running around the rink – was strictly for lessons, mainly dancing and martial arts. The old kitchen was in the back of the building, but it was unused – except for the cook club every Tuesday night – and sometimes the skaters or the other students occupied it to warm their food and gossip. Nina kept her distance from it due to various reasons: the smell was horrible, she hated listening to others gossiping bitterly and the cook club tried to shower her with their ‘projects’ every week and some of the ‘results’ of their attempts were so terrifying the girl feared they will haunt her dreams forever. Viktor would straight start crying if he would see any of the ‘foods’, so Nina ever talked about it with him because she was sure he would want to go and it would break his gourmet heart.  
“Angel, you were quick.” Zakhar greeted him, leaning against one of the windowsills. “As expected.”  
“The ‘now’ in your text made it quite clear you want me in a short amount of time.” The girl commented dryly.  
“Yes... As you asked me before, here we are.”  
“I don’t recall asking for a meeting with anyone.”  
“It’s about your concern of keeping your spot in the Midnight Circus’ show.” Zakhar nodded to the group of people who were gathering around the piano in the other side of the room. “You can only be taken off if both I, and the board of them agrees, so, here is the board.”  
“This is pretty much the whole troupe.”  
“They decide everything together.”  
“Oh...” Nina turned to the group and measured them. Alek was standing between a tall, brunette beauty with pale green eyes, who gave Nina a compulsory small smile when she felt her eyes on her, what the Russian girl perfectly mirrored having huge practice in how to do it, thanks to the press. The young man Alek’s left seemed to be the leader of the group. In build and charisma, he reminded Nina to her brother, but he seemed to have nothing in himself from Viktor’s enthusiastic and friendly outbursts. The look of his cornflower blue eyes stung and his hair was the mix of rich golden and platinum blonde, like if the sun would suck out the colour from parts of his locks. He was handsome, but he seemed cold and way too prideful to be approachable. A Korean girl, who was almost as short as Nina and had straight, shoulder length bob cut hair waved a little when their looks met. Next to her stood an another tall beauty with light, blonde-brown hair and blue eyes and a soft smile but who caught Nina’s attention was the girl sitting next to the piano: a fiery, lush beauty with deep black eyes and rich dark hair, sharp intellect burning behind her look. She seemed sharp and well mannered, a classy Italian lady. The girl who was standing farer from the group and shyly nodded to Nina, seemed to be only a few years older than her and had such captivating, exotic beauty the Russian girl forgot to look away and made the other blush. She was small, with golden coloured skin and big brown eyes. Her eyelashes were so long and curled most girls would kill for them. Her thick black hair fell under her waist in a shiny wave.  
“Nǐ hǎo!” A sudden chorus echoed accompanied with a smile and, well, at least, Nina found someone at her height. She and the girl who greeted her had the same measuring, height, frame and hair colour, even though the Chinese’s bangs were straight, while Nina’s locks were wavy. The girl’s twin brother – because they were clearly twins - was taller a little bit, but he had the same fragile looking frame like his sister. They seemed to want to say something more, but a taller, Indian boy – in his late teens, who seemed to be the youngest male in the group - cut into his sentence.  
“I’m Mohinder and I heard a lot about you!”  
“The Bhangra dance guy?” Nina said before she could stop herself.  
“Did Alek show it you?”  
“Well, yes an-”  
“Did you like it? Say you like it!”  
“I-” The girl was a little overwhelmed by the enthusiasm of the other.  
“Mohinder, enough.” A deeper voice calmed him. The owner of voice was very tall with long limbs and despite of just ordering his fellow troupe mate to clam down, he seemed to be someone who is always ready for some mischief and a laugh. He flashed his bright, white teeth in a wide smile addressing it to Nina.  
“Hi, girl!”  
“Hi...” Nina answered sheepishly.  
The two last members were a taller, boyish looking young man with darker skin tone and mesmerizing green-blue eyes. He seemed a little closed off and brooding what just made him even more handsome and mysterious; and a lankly, young man with tousled black hair, pale skin, sharp features and piercing dark green eyes, which made Nina feel he looks straight into her soul...  
“Ce?” The blonde guy asked suddenly on a snobbish tone. “On est encore plus petit qu'il n'y paraît.”  
“Et on aussi tu comprends.” The Russian skater answered on a mocking tone, using the same pronoun for herself as the French.  
“Oh, voyez, ça parle français! La petite poupée russe parle français!” The young man stepped to Nina, leaned down and grabbed her chin to look into her eyes.  
“Je ne suis pas une poupée russe!” Nina protested standing the cold gaze. “Surtout pas pour toi!”  
“Oh vraiment?”  
“Oui, vraiment!” The girl pushed the young man’s hand away. “Et je suis une elle! Non on!”  
“Comme vous tu souhaites, ma petite poupée russe...”  
“Really?” Nina turned to Aleksandar and changed to Belarusian. “This prick? Your leader? Explains a lot of things.”  
"Non, non, non, parle français." The blonde French smiled and his cockyness melted away. "Je l'aime bien." He tunred to Alek. "Je l'aime beaucoup.” He looked at Nina again who just started to process this was somehow all a weird test and she somehow passed on it. “Tu, fille, tu as du feu en tu."  
“Syl-” Alek started, but the other held up his hand.  
“Je veux qu'elle soit dans le spectacle... She was already perfect when she skated her routines, but now... It’s even better. I don’t see any reasons why you want to ditch her Alek. If you can’t take on her personality, maybe you should grow a pair rather than drag us out here.”  
“Syl...”  
“She’s in. And this is the final word in this case.”  
“She is injured!” Alek shouted, grasping at the last straw he had. “And you know you can’t do that! Can’t decade anything on your own”  
“What did you just say?” The blonde narrowed his eyes and some of the members gasped. “About an injury...”  
“She is seriously injured! She could only skate because she was highly medicated!”  
“Is this... true?” The French turned to Nina.  
The girl bit her lover lip, but before she could answer, Zakhar cut in.  
“Yes, but I, as her coach got everything under control and her injury is not that serious as Konstantinov cawed. And even if she is injured... You, yourself just said, she is perfect. If she can skate like how you saw her a few days ago injured or not, what doubts you could possibly have?”  
“Okay...” The blonde French ran his finger trough his hair, cleared his throat and turned to his fellow members. “We all heard both side of the situation and understand what is at risk, also, as Alek enlightened so kindly a few moments ago I can’t decide anything on my own, so voting as usual. The ones in favour of Nina’s staying, hands up.”  
The girl swallowed a big, waiting and finally, she saw arms rising... and not even only a few of them...  
“And now, the ones who are against it...”  
After the girl count the votes, she let out a deep sigh... She was in. Alek silently cursed under his breath, but he had to accept his defeat.  
“I didn’t introduce myself properly” the blonde French turned to Nina “I’m Sylvestre Dufort, I founded the Midnight Circus with Alek, my currently quite troubled best friend. I heard a lot about you... And I’m the fan of your brother.”  
“Aren’t all we?” Nina muttered on an annoyed voice.  
“Is he really in Japan to coach someone?”  
“As it seems.”  
“You don’t really want to talk about this, right?”  
“No, I don’t.”  
“Then, I won’t force you.”  
“That’s really... considerate of you.” Nina didn’t expect that kind of answer.  
“We start rehearsing the program together the day after tomorrow. I gave the times and everything you need to know to your coach, he will sort it out for you.”  
“Okay.”  
“You have a class tomorrow, if what I know is correct.”  
“Class?” Nina echoed the question.  
“You... teach, right?”  
“Kind of. When I have free time, I help out teaching girls between the age of four and ten, twice a week.”  
“Pretty impressive for being only fourteen yourself.”  
“I don’t think so.” Nina shrugged. “And I’m away for most of the time, so I’m more of a window face for the whole course than an actual teacher.”  
“Don’t speak so low of yourself.” Sylvestre lectured the girl.  
“I’m not. It’s just the truth.”  
“Syl, we are waiting!” The others were already at the door with Zakhar. He nodded to Nina and left the room.  
“I’m coming.” Sylvestre tried to took Nina’s hand to kiss it, but the girl just hid both of her arms behind her back.  
“No.”  
‘I just -” The young French started a little offended.  
“NO.” Nina repeated.  
“Okay, okay...” Sylvestre gave up. “It was a pleasure to meet you in person at last. See you around.” He nodded to the girl and headed toward the door too.  
“Yeah... See you...” After she heard the door closing, she thought she was alone, but when she turned, she had to face Alek, who was standing not far behind her with a sullen look on his face.  
“Are you satisfied?” He asked. “Got what you want?”  
“Yes... We can say.”  
“So you decided to disregard me totally and run straight to the wall with your head.”  
“Like it’s any of your business.”  
“Until you are my partner, it’s my business! And now I stuck with you and you injury! How could you do this to me?”  
“Well, that’s just rich, coming from you, you traitor!”  
“Me? Traitor?” Aleksandar yelled. “When YOU decided ON YOUR OWN to risk YOUR career and YOUR life alongside MY company, MY life and career with OUR show, YOU betrayed ME!”  
“I trusted you!” Nina shouted. “Because you said you are my partner, I trusted you and told you I’m injured! I took a risk for you! So how could you?” Nina whispered, ignoring the tears gathering in her eyes. “How could you tell them? I didn’t think there was any possibility to betray me even more, but you,” the girl laughed bitterly “you showed me a new low... Never underestimate humanity, really...”  
“Oh for fuck’s sake, why don’t you see it?”  
“WHAT?”  
“THAT I’M DOING THIS BECAUSE I LOVE YOU AND I CARE ABOUT YOU!” Aleksandar was panting like if he just finished a marathon.  
“How many times I have to tell you that you don’t love me?” Nina asked bitterly. “Love is not betrayal. Give me a better lie because I don’t buy this.”  
“Just because I love you differently than you want me, that doesn’t makes my love lesser or worse.”  
“Well,” Nina stretched herself and strengthened her voice. “It’s less and it’s worse for me. I don’t want it, I don’t need it and I never asked for it, so take it and do with it whatever you fancy.”  
“Things are not working like this.” Aleksandar shook his head, trying to not show how Nina’s words hurt him.  
“They are. For me, at least.”  
“How we ended up here?” The Bulgarian spread his arms. “Like this?”  
“Go find a mirror and ask yourself, because you brought this upon us, Aleksandar Konstantinov.” With that, Nina headed toward the door and she already half opened it when she heard the other starting to talk again.  
“My oldest brother died... In America, we got the news a few days ago. He overdosed himself. He was on heroin since years.” Alek’s voice was calm and broken now. “He died months ago; it just took that long to find his identity out. Normally, they wouldn’t care about a junkie so much, but he was might involved with serious drug trafficking, so they had to check him out, thinking his background could lead to some clues.”  
“And how disappointed they had been finding out he only just had a terrible family background...” Nina retorted with stingy words. “I bet they expected the mafia at least.”  
“Nina this is no joke...”  
“So what do you want from me? To feel sorry for you?”  
“To understand me! I just lost someone important to me, I can’t lose you too!”  
“Important?” Nina rolled her eyes. “You barley knew him, you said yourself! And you think you are the only one with a tragedy between your lines? Look at me; I’m pretty much alive and kicking being a failed abortion. You are whining about your wayward brother? Then guess what: my stepfather abused me even before I knew who I was, my biological mother straight up loathes me, I have two half siblings in Belarus and I don’t even remember their names or their faces... The relatives I know, I wish I never met them, my biological father and his side also thinks I’m the devil itself and ignored and treated me as I would be a big, stinky pile of shit... And on top of these, my most stupid half brother, whose shadow I have to live sharing the same name and blood, just committed career suicide or whatever based on some stupid flair up and his childish nature and left me here to get on by myself not if this would be anything new, he was absent from my life since a good amount of time, so please, tell me again how sorry your life is, I want to hear it... Oh, and about your brother... If you ‘loved’ him any similar like how you ‘love’ me, it’s not a surprise he would rather choose to die as a dirty addict... I would choose that too. Maybe you have a tendency of betraying people and I was not the first in the line.”  
“You can not mean that...” Aleksandar was shocked.  
“Oh, I can, and believe me, I do. You wanted my true colours, here, have them.” And as a finish line, Nina stepped out to the corridor and banged the door behind herself. She didn’t want to do this to Aleksandar, but she had too... If she wouldn’t break his heart completely he would always come back, trying to get their relationship straight and Nina didn’t want that. She didn’t want any relationship with anyone anymore. She just wanted to be left alone because sooner or later everyone she loved betrayed her in a way and she couldn’t take it... Not anymore. Part of her wanted to go back to that room to tell Alek she is sorry, offer him her help, but she had to remind herself, she burnt that bridge already and that Alek – even though he had ‘noble reasons’, he betrayed her nonetheless.

***

Nina couldn’t find her place, just turned and tossed in her bed trying to sleep since hours. Here, there was a chance for her to go to sleep early but she just wasn’t able. Her foot now was throbbing like crazy and she felt an enormous amount of guilt too because of how she behaved earlier... Finally, she just couldn’t take it anymore, got up and decided to go for a walk. It was more like lumping along on the streets because of her pain, but she needed to get out and feel the still cold night air on her face. She didn’t take a coat, just threw a hoodie on herself, but she greeted the slowly numbing icy wind as a good friend instead who was very much needed in her current situation. Sometimes people recognized her on the street and tried to talk with her or shouted and waved from across, but she didn’t bother to even stop, just continued to wander around the city. She didn’t know how she ended in front of her brother’s building, but if she was there, she decided to go upstairs and take look of... what exactly? She opened the door with a sigh – of course she still had the keys on her keychain – and ran her gaze trough the place. It was awfully empty with the leftover furniture and the few boxes which were waiting to be shipped to Japan for sure... Nina didn’t think it’s going to hit her like this, but the abandoned place reflected so perfectly how she felt, she needed to sit down for a few moments. She stumbled into the bedroom and a lowered herself onto the edge of the naked bed, which had nothing, just the mattress on the bedstead. She played for her phone for a few moments, checking what is the time in Japan nit that moment, then made her decision.

"What...?" Viktor yawned into the phone. It was half past four in the morning, so he mainly answered his mobile because the ringing drove him crazy and silent it would needed the same amount of effort.  
"Were you sleeping?"  
"Nina...?" The man sat up immediately when he recognized her sister's voice.  
"No, Santa Claus." The bitter answer came.  
"Is everything alright?"  
"No, it's not."  
Viktor's heart missed a beat.  
"Wha-What happened?"  
"Yakov called me in the middle of the night a few days ago, demanding me to call you and get you back from Japan. That happened."  
"He... called you?"  
"To be precise, he yelled at me."  
"...And?"  
"I told him he is not my coach so he doesn't have any right to call and bother me with your bullshit... To be honest, I don't give a flying fuck about how YOU ruin YOUR career."  
Nina's voice was suspiciously calm, so Viktor could 't decide if his sister is furious to the point where she just can't express it or really didn't cares and the second option was the more unlikely one...  
"Then, why the call?" He asked cautiously.  
"Your coach... excuse me, former coach, woke me up in the middle of the night... So I thought you deserve the same."  
"You always had a very strong sense of justice..." Viktor muttered and ran his fingers through his hair. Nina let out an annoyed sigh but didn't make any further comments. "Milaya moya," he continued "I'm really sorry Yakov bothered you-"  
"At least, HE called me. So, how does it feel, knowing that your former coach cares more about your sister than you?"  
"Milaya moy-"  
"Whatever,” Nina cut in his brother's sentence "I don't want to hear your shitty excuses. Not anymore." And with that, she ended the call.  
"Ni-" Viktor started, but his sister was already gone, so he just tossed the phone onto the bed and scratched Makkachin's - who wake up to the ringtone too - ear. "Go back to sleep buddy, everything is fine... Everything is fine." But somehow he felt like it was a lie.

Nina threw her mobile onto the bed and let out a long, shaky sigh. She didn't know what she expected, or if she expected anything at all... She really should have gotten used to her brother and his hasty behaviour, but this... This just was too much... How could he... How could he just leave like this, without a word... The next breath she took was already silent sob as she pressed her hand onto her mouth, even though she was alone in the apartment. Tears started to run down on her face unstoppable... She cried many times in her life, but never like this... It was an unstoppable, ugly sob, so hysterical; she could hardly breathe through the upcoming waves of pain and tears. She was shaking and gasping, now hugging herself as she dossed down onto the mattress, trying to get a hold of herself, to her reality, but everything just hurt so much, her body, her hear heart, her soul...

She didn’t know when she fell asleep but when she woke up it was already dawn outside and she was sore and numb from sleeping in the cold room. She woke up once in the middle of the night, but she just dragged the spare blanket out from the back of one of the wardrobes, covered herself and went back to sleep. Now, she tossed it aside, set up groggily and combed her hair out from her face, trying to repress her shivering. She slowly took her way towards the bathroom and as she hoped, there was still hot water running from the tap. Her brother left hastily not so long after the month started, so as she expected, he already paid his monthly rent in advance as he usually did, so there was still water, gas and electricity in the apartment. Of course, the heating was shut and Nina didn’t think about turning it on as she didn’t expect to sleep here, but now she was just really thankful for the shower what she could have. She looked at the mirror and a complete mess looked back, but she got used to see that recently, so she just shrugged, not giving a second thought of her red, puffy eyes, anaemic face, hollow gaze and the still somewhat colourful bruise on her cheek which was now showing, due to her messed makeup. As the hot water started to seethe from the tap, she decided she rather wants a bath, so she let the tub fill and only stepped in when it was almost full. She shut the tap and with a satisfied sigh, she sunk into the water. She tried to sweep a mop of hair out from her face but her hand stopped halfway as her tilted back and her eyes closed. Despite of the warm, she was still shivering. ‘Why not?’ She thought. ‘Just for a few minutes... It’s so warm and so good...’

When she woke up she was trembling like a draggled sewer rat, the result of spending hours and hours in the cold water... She felt weak and dizzy and she didn’t have the strength to climb out from the tub so she just pulled the plug out to and in the same time made the hot water run again. Her phone was on the tiles next to her so she took it and checked... She spent around twelve hours sleeping and she now felt even more miserable than before. She also had like a thousand missed calls and texts... from Alek.  
“God what I need to do with that guy to leave me alone...” She muttered and closed her eyes. “Kill him or something?” In that moment, the mobile went alive in her hand, so she answered it, after looked at the screen with a half eye. “Yes?”  
“WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?” The shouting was so loud the girl nearly dropped the phone into the water.  
“Hi for you too, Alek...” She sighed. “And I’m in a tub.” She tried to sound sassy but she was too ragged, so she just went with what came to her mind.  
“What the fuck are you talking about? Where are you?”  
“I’m taking a bath.”  
“NINA!”  
“Okay, I’m in Viktor’s... well... former apartment. Not if this would be any of your concern.” She added sourly. She just wanted to be left alone to sink into her own misery and pain.  
“Of course it is, everybody is going crazy about you missing and I was the last person who talked to you! What on Earth were you thinking?”  
“About what... exactly?”  
“Disappearing like this!”  
“I didn’t disappear... I spend a lot of time here as this is...was... so, my brother’s place...” Nina spaced out for a moment. “But... I already mention that... right?”  
“You missed your ballet class, didn’t show up at the ice rink for teaching and everyone wanted to beat down this on me, even though you are the horrible one in this situation!”  
“Fine, I got it...” Nina sighed. “I call everyone and your pretty little hurt feelings can rest. Is this okay?”  
“Why do you have to be so condescending?”  
“Because you give me a reason to be.”  
“I still can’t believe you are such a horrible person.”  
“The sooner you accept it, the better. It won’t change.”  
“Nina...”  
“Hm?” The girl felt her head becoming heavier and this was not good... She can’t fall asleep again...  
“I have to miss a few practices next week. I go home to say goodbye to my brother. They sent him back to Paris to my family’s request.”  
“Funeral? Free food and drinks. Nice. Bring some leftovers.”  
“Fuck you.” Alek hissed and hang up.  
“Perfect...” Nina sighed and let the phone slip from her fingers onto the floor.

“She is here.” Alek stopped at the door, letting Zakhar making his way into the bedroom where Nina was sleeping and looked around. Even though it was half empty and packed away, the apartment looked simple but stylish, something in which he could imagine Viktor Nikiforov and Nina living... He didn’t want to come here, he didn’t want to be around Nina after their phone call more than it was really necessary, but Zakhar could be very persuading, so he just give in after a while and wanting or not, he had to admit, under the despise what he felt towards the girl now, he was worried when nobody could find her... He took an annoyed sigh, kicked into a box and looked around again. Some of the boxes were opened, he guessed Nina searched for something and he couldn’t hold back his curiosity, he had to check out the closest to him. It was stuffed with books, but one of them seemed different, so he pulled it out and opened it, to find a scrapbook full with photos. Most on them Viktor and Nina were together, but on some, the girl was alone, especially as time went by and she became older. There were also cut out pictures and articles from magazines about the girl. It was clear the whole thing was made with love, care and thoroughness by somebody who really loves Nina. Viktor always declared he is the number one fan of his sister, but Alek always thought it’s just figurative speech... But now he needed to see he was wrong.  
“What happened with the two of you?” He whispered as he turned to the last page. There was a quite recent, full body picture of Nina on it, taken from profile. She was in a romantic ballet outfit, her hair in a bun and bouquet of flowers in her hand. It was a delicate and beautiful picture; showing of expertly how fragile and ethereal she is.  
“Oh, I remember that picture.” Zakhar stepped next to Alek. “It was taken in January in LA.”  
“What did she do in the USA?” Alek asked before he thought it trough.  
“YAGP semi final.” The man shrugged. “She, of course, excelled.”  
“What?”  
“Dance...” Zakhar explained like if he was trying to make a kid understand two plus two equal four. “She went with a classical and a contemporary solo.”  
“Aren’t you pushing Nina a little too hard?” Alek asked casually.  
“Do you think I could make her do anything what she wouldn’t want to do in the first place?”  
“Sure.”  
“Don’t flatter me.”  
“It didn’t mean it as a compliment... Anyway, could you wake her up now? I really want to go. I don’t really get why I had to come with you in the first place.”  
A sleek, dark smile appeared on Zakhar’s face.  
“You wake her up.”  
“I don’t wan-”  
“Go.Wake. Her.”  
“Okay, okay...” Aleksandar gave up with a shrug. He went into the room and looked down to Nina. The girl’s breaths were shallow and ragged and her face was red. “What the-” The Bulgarian skater muttered. “Nina, hey, Nina...” He gently touched the girl’s face and felt its burning. “She has a fever!”  
“And quite high.” Zakhar agreed. “She won’t wake up anytime soon.”  
“We need to take her to a doctor!”  
“No. We, especially YOU, don’t need to do anything!”  
“Why on earth you brought me here?”  
“To see the damage what you’ve done!” The Belarusian shouted. “You and her empty headed brother are doing nothing, but making sure she is destroying herself! I had a pretty hard time raising her believe me, and seeing my work going down, it’s not a very pleasant sight, you can imagine it!”  
“How can you blame this on me?” Alek snapped. “You made her the way she is, this is all on you!”  
“No! I made her one of the best skaters in the world! I was there for her every time people let her down and they always let her down! I knew her, I knew how hard was for her to tell you she is injured and see what happened? You let her down! Now look down onto the bed and see the result of all your good work!”  
“Are you both completely out of your mind? As soon as she was injured you should take her to a hospital, not making up this sick game!”  
“And who are you to decide what is good for her?”  
“I AM HIS FRIEND!” Aleksandar yelled. He couldn’t hold himself back anymore, this whole thing is was just too crazy...  
“THEN ACT LIKE IT!” Zakhar shouted back. “STAND BY HER GODDAMN SIDE INSTEAD OF MAKING HER SITUATION WORSE!”  
“I just wanted to help!”  
“Well, fuck your help! She doesn’t need your help! She would needed YOU, but you fucked that up, big time!”  
“Oh, don’t you pretend to care for her!”  
“I don’t need to... Because I AM the only one who actually cares about her!”  
“Exactly until she is not winning anymore, right?” Aleksandar snorted. “Beautiful.”  
“You have no right to judge me! And for the record, yes, exactly until that time, and, before you ask, yes, she knows and accepts it.”  
“But how could she?” The Bulgarian whispered. “Why is this acceptable for her?”  
“If you don’t even know that little about her, you don’t have the right to call yourself his friend, don’t you think? Oh, it’s just sad... All the fuss for nothing.  
“You little...” Alek grabbed Zakhar’s shirt and tossed him against the doorframe.  
“Don’t get so worked up...” The man whispered with a dark smile. “You can rage as much as you want, but that doesn’t change the fact that you fucked this up and that know nothing about her, doesn’t matter how much you delude yourself...”  
Alek wanted to say something, but an unknown voice cut into his sentence:  
“What the hell is going on here?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [French]
> 
> “Ce? On est encore plus petit qu'il n'y paraît.” "This? It is even smaller than it seemed."  
> “Et on aussi tu comprends.” "And it can understand you."  
> “Oh, voyez, ça parle français! La petite poupée russe parle français!” "Oh see, it speaks French! The little Russian doll speaks French!"  
> “Je ne suis pas une poupée russe! Surtout pas pour toi!” "I'm not a Russian doll, especially not to you!"  
> “Oh vraiment?” "Oh, really?"  
> “Oui, vraiment! Et je suis une elle! Non on!” "Yes, really. And I'm not an 'it', I'm a 'she'!"  
> “Comme vous tu souhaites, ma petite poupée russe...” "As you wish, my little russian doll."  
> "Non, non, non, parle français." "No, no, no, speak French"  
> "Je l'aime beaucoup.” "I like her."  
> “Tu, fille, tu as du feu en tu." "You girl, have fire in you."  
> “Je veux qu'elle soit dans le spectacle... " "I want her to be in the show ..."


End file.
